Dirty looks and rejection

[Richey]

A dirty look can be really off putting when it's directed at you. Sometimes it happens from a snotty judgemental person who seems to react emotionally to everything without control. It could be them mirroring your expression in a more extreme and obvious way.

My advice is to try to learn to control your present moment movements, which partly entails switching off your inner chatter box or the talking that goes on inside your head as you do things. Switch it off completely and try to exist in the now. Most people's inner chatter is very negative and is just confusing. because often your worries and multiple concerns are messing about with your head all the time. This is what causes mental health issues and i would say most people function in this way. Imagine if you walked around and spoke aloud of your constant inner thoughts. People would think that you were crazy, yet that is how many think. The reason is because when you are an adult there is a lot to worry about and the pressure of that sends people loopy. Alot of this comes down to how content you are as a person as well.

So next time someone gives you a dirty screwed up look then switch off your mind and slow down the present moment. Don't react as if it's an inditement on you and instead stand your ground and stay calm and content. Just think to yourself "i'm cool, i'm calm, i'm not doing anything wrong, my face looks calm, that person is having a bd day". Something like that.

 

[SAM2011]

A dirty look can be really off putting when it's directed at you. Sometimes it happens from a snotty judgemental person who seems to react emotionally to everything without control. It could be them mirroring your expression in a more extreme and obvious way.

My advice is to try to learn to control your present moment movements, which partly entails switching off your inner chatter box or the talking that goes on inside your head as you do things. Switch it off completely and try to exist in the now. Most people's inner chatter is very negative and is just confusing. because often your worries and multiple concerns are messing about with your head all the time. This is what causes mental health issues and i would say most people function in this way. Imagine if you walked around and spoke aloud of your constant inner thoughts. People would think that you were crazy, yet that is how many think. The reason is because when you are an adult there is a lot to worry about and the pressure of that sends people loopy. Alot of this comes down to how content you are as a person as well.

So next time someone gives you a dirty screwed up look then switch off your mind and slow down the present moment. Don't react as if it's an inditement on you and instead stand your ground and stay calm and content. Just think to yourself "i'm cool, i'm calm, i'm not doing anything wrong, my face looks calm, that person is having a bd day". Something like that.

Good advice

 

[KiaKaha]

I think the reason people dont understand what I mean is because it sounds unreasonable that someone would dislike you for no reason at all....

I wish someone knew what I meant by all of this.

Maybe I have just associated myself with really rude people.

I will try to take the advice given. Thanks.

 

[Kiwong]

If they are not people who I know or respect then I don't let a dirty look worry me. It is the opinion of those people who matter to me that I pay attention to.

I get more confused when a stranger smiles at me to be honest. That fires up my anxiety just as much as a dirty look

 

[KiaKaha]

If they are not people who I know or respect then I don't let a dirty look worry me. It is the opinion of those people who matter to me that I pay attention to.

I get more confused when a stranger smiles at me to be honest. That fires up my anxiety just as much as a dirty look

Yes.. thats true... but I guess my desire for acceptance outweighs that rather sensible advice.

Its very rare a stranger will smile at me... but when it does my anxiety diminishes and I feel extremely happy. I respond very well to warmth and friendliness.

 

[coyote]

I wish someone knew what I meant by all of this.

Maybe I have just associated myself with really rude people.

i've seen your photos, i've read your thoughts

you're no monster worthy of rejection or condemnation

so i can't tell you what's really going on

because all i have to go on are your own perceptions

so either your perceptions are correct, and there is no explanation

or your perceptions are incorrect - and the reactions you assume you're getting are not really what is happening at all

very often we think we know what other people are thinking and feeling, and may even ascribe gestures, voice tone, etc. that we think fits our perception

if we have convinced ourselves that people are really acting that way, it's hard to be convinced otherwise unless we open ourselves up to the possibility that our perceptions and/or assumptions might be faulty

i wish i could hang out with you and observe the reactions of the people around you so i could give you some insight

i think it'd be cool to hang out with you anyway, because i think you're interesting

and if i think you're interesting, i can't believe that other people don't think the same thing

 

[UnOccupied]

Your thoughts are running wild! You need to monitor them when they start getting to hurtful. It starts from within you. Never forget, you must see the world from the inside out. Do YOU think you deserve to be treated that way? Obviously not. If you know inside that you are a nice, good, friendly person, than whenever someone gives you the cold shoulder, you won't identify with that reaction.

Stop viewing the world from your thoughts of what others think of you!

 

[EasySkanking]

^Great advice, coyote/unOccupied

 

[anomicdeer]

I'm the same way. Unless it's just some weird condition we have that it seems like people don't like us. And if anyone is supportive, they'll just say it's because they're jealous or something. Yeah, and they don't even know but some how they are jealous? Yeah right.

 

[Shade]

Do you think it could be your vibes? If someone is projecting negative vibes, other people react with anger or avoidence. Just a thought.

 

[Kiwong]

Yes.. thats true... but I guess my desire for acceptance outweighs that rather sensible advice.

Its very rare a stranger will smile at me... but when it does my anxiety diminishes and I feel extremely happy. I respond very well to warmth and friendliness.

Keep reaching out Shy Kiwi, the acceptance you seek might be rare, but it is there believe it. There are people on the web site who can see the worth in you and accept you.

 

[OceanMist]

It's probably human nature. It's probably not as bad as it seems, but I'm sure there are people that don't like your shyness and do stuff or say stuff that is disrespectful. It happens to all of us who have an anxiety disorder.

People fear what they don't know. As a result, they may try to attack what they are afraid of. Defensive mechanism.

If it helps any, I can relate to everything you've said shykiwi. I've experienced some even more hardcore stuff though, a ton of insults, even from friends. I've been excluded from groups and all that.

Something I've learned is that practically everyone is a critic. People tend to say how they feel about something when they are bothered by something like shyness. I've had people just come out and tell me they hate me to my face just because I'm quiet. They used words worse than hate, too.

You are definitely right that looks matter. If anyone tries to tell you appearance doesn't matter, they are dead wrong. Let's face it, attractiveness helps a person have a better life, it's been proven through studies. Ugliness can make people not want to talk to them. That sounds messed up, but it's true. People can be more shallow than they say in certain cases.

The thing with appearance though, that is severely underrated is whether a person appears socially confident. I have a problem of looking like I'm not socially confident, hence, I can get bad results from people I'm around sometimes. You get out what you put in, even when you can't always control what you wind up putting in.

The world is a very unfair place.

 

[KiaKaha]

if we have convinced ourselves that people are really acting that way, it's hard to be convinced otherwise unless we open ourselves up to the possibility that our perceptions and/or assumptions might be faulty

i wish i could hang out with you and observe the reactions of the people around you so i could give you some insight

i think it'd be cool to hang out with you anyway, because i think you're interesting

and if i think you're interesting, i can't believe that other people don't think the same thing

I have always thought that the only way to get answers and to get some insight into this is to have somebody watch how I interact with the world...to tell me honestly...how I come across to others and what I can do to change.... I admit, maybe some of what I am perceiving may be incorrect... but to me its real, and the examples I have given are all true. I actually had a therapist once who took me out to a cafe to observe what I was doing to formulate advice... I wish I could see her again because I found that experience to be very helpful. Reading minds is something I often think I can do.

Thank you for hearing me... and I think it would be cool to hang out with you too, and I wouls snatch the opportunity up if it ever came about. I am sure I would learn a lot.

Stop viewing the world from your thoughts of what others think of you!

This is pretty much how I exist... I really hate living my life simply for the approval for other people. Its really lame....and lets face it...kind of pathetic.
I can accept myself mostly...but there have been times where I have sacrificed my own best interests and personality simply so someone wont "disapprove" of me.

Do you think it could be your vibes? If someone is projecting negative vibes, other people react with anger or avoidence. Just a thought.

I have been told this before. I am not even sure what "vibes" are. It seems like a very abstract idea to me...but I think I know what you mean.

You are definitely right that looks matter. If anyone tries to tell you appearance doesn't matter, they are dead wrong. Let's face it, attractiveness helps a person have a better life, it's been proven through studies. Ugliness can make people not want to talk to them. That sounds messed up, but it's true. People can be more shallow than they say in certain cases.

The thing with appearance though, that is severely underrated is whether a person appears socially confident. I have a problem of looking like I'm not socially confident, hence, I can get bad results from people I'm around sometimes.

I have always thought appearance can determine how one may judge you, whether or not you are good looking. I find it particularly interesting how peoples gut reactions upon meeting someone for the first time is powerful in forming an initial opinion about a person.

An...unattractive person may be ridiculed, left out, find it hard to make friends or form relationships etc etc.... but just as bad is that attractive people can be perceived as shallow, stuck up, unintelligent and may only be liked because of their looks and not have anyone appreciate their other qualities.

My point is... looks matter... to some extent whether or not those assumptions positive, negative, correct or incorrect.

Anyway..

now that I got all that out of my system... Thank you for your kind thoughts and advice. I will try to take some of it away in the hopes to get an answer.

 

[coyote]

...I am not even sure what "vibes" are...

just ask Mr. Lionel Hampton...

Vibes