Did you used to be different?

[1994]

I did,

I used to be the life and soul. I was funny, the girls liked me and people thought I was hillerious.

I had a narcasistic way about me, which I believe lead to people to stray away from me, which in turn helped me develop SA. But I always had a good heart.

Do you think that SA develops because who you were was just an act, and you didn't know, or because you just developed the anxiety, and thus are still the same person you always were, however narcasitic.

Or, does everyone have a truely nice core, i.e all narcasissm is a form of fear.

Is narcassism fear, or is it higher knowledge?

 

[GoBlue72]

IDK 1994, I've always been funny. I think it's a way of getting some attention where you know it's in a positive way and controlled. Otherwise, if you're always reserved you rely on others to either compliment or criticize what they see when they see it. I hear many comedians are insecure, which leads them to get into comedy for the attention and powerful feelings. I can agree with that. I can be mean-spirited as well at times, usually in a funny way. But, I view it as a chance to "put the attention on someone else" before they do it to me. I know deep down it probably is a way to make up for other insecurities. I think a negative energy might seep into many areas of our lives when low self-esteem exists. It's hard to think positively, feel we have good qualities, think we can have good luck, experiences, or take things at face value. Anyone agree?

 

[AsTimeBurns]

I used to be quite happy and talkative when I was young. Then I got to secondary school and people started bullying me because of my name, then I got spots/acne. Then it all changed and I haven't been the same ever since. Confidence is pretty much gone completely after all these years.

 

[JamesSmith]

I've thought about this before, and from my own personal experience and from reading other people's opinions I noticed a trend that many of us have. Many people seem to get worse around high school and even worse around post-college or college years. I believe that is because this is a time when people without SAD are maturing socially, and our SAD doesn't allow us to mature socially.

I've always been shy and quiet, and I was weird in grade school, but it wasn't until I got out of grade school that my shyness really started to impact me and hurt my life. I don't think I changed very much, I think the people around me changed. All these other people grow up and want to have more adult conversations with people who have adult abilities. I'm not saying I'm not an adult, I'm saying that my social abilities were never able to mature because I've always been afraid to socialize with people. I'm just as afraid to talk to people as I was when I was a little kid for the most part. What makes me so different now is that everyone else without SAD has grown up socially and I never did.

 

[McLeanJ08]

I used to be an angry, moody kid with a bad attitude before my AvPD developed, but since that happened I'm a lot nicer to people than I was before.

 

[Kiwong]

I think I am a better and more mature person right now, different but not worse. I'm proud of the physical and mental battles I've faced, and what I have achieved despite of them.

I do of course long for the days when I was at my physical peak in my early twenties, when my parents where still alive and I had a place I called home.

Over the course of my life, I rate the last three years as one of the happiest and most inspiring periods of my life, despite living this period with worsening anxiety. I have not lived days as great as this since my childhood years before I went to high school.

The other great period, were my late teens early twenties when I was running at my peak. I am also proud of studying mature age and topping my course.

 

[hoddesdon]

The majority of people were different originally, but there are a small number who have always been affected. If you read the literature it points out that the age of onset is nearly always in the teenage years; so beginning in high school or at university. I suspect that those who have always been affected are over-represented on this website (understandably). There have been a number of threads on this topic - it is one of those that keep recurring. Similar threads are listed at the bottom of the last page of each thread. The most recent was by UnOccupied, and he concluded that most people were different originally.

 

[CosmicNeurotica]

I've thought about this before, and from my own personal experience and from reading other people's opinions I noticed a trend that many of us have. Many people seem to get worse around high school and even worse around post-college or college years. I believe that is because this is a time when people without SAD are maturing socially, and our SAD doesn't allow us to mature socially.

I've always been shy and quiet, and I was weird in grade school, but it wasn't until I got out of grade school that my shyness really started to impact me and hurt my life. I don't think I changed very much, I think the people around me changed. All these other people grow up and want to have more adult conversations with people who have adult abilities. I'm not saying I'm not an adult, I'm saying that my social abilities were never able to mature because I've always been afraid to socialize with people. I'm just as afraid to talk to people as I was when I was a little kid for the most part. What makes me so different now is that everyone else without SAD has grown up socially and I never did.

Well said.

 

[Fighter86]

There was never a time in my life where I had a group of friends to hang out with, I just always had this one good friend I went everywhere with. It was after some bad experiences when I was 17 and thereafter that made me completely lose ground totally. Coming to think of it, my life's a huge mistake, I wish I haven't been born and lived really, but I guess since I exist now, there really isn't much choice is there?

 

[Sial Axetder]

I have and will always be me.

 

[Snowdrop]

I honestly don't know 1994. I would definitely say I've changed, I'm utterly not the person I once knew, though I've no idea why it changed, aside from the obvious social anxiety of course.
All I can say is that I would like to believe I am still that same, nice, happy person inside and that SA, depression or whatever is creating a shell around me so that I'm unable to be happy or free or truly myself.

 

[GoBlue72]

I've thought about this before, and from my own personal experience and from reading other people's opinions I noticed a trend that many of us have. Many people seem to get worse around high school and even worse around post-college or college years. I believe that is because this is a time when people without SAD are maturing socially, and our SAD doesn't allow us to mature socially.

I'm not saying I'm not an adult, I'm saying that my social abilities were never able to mature because I've always been afraid to socialize with people. I'm just as afraid to talk to people as I was when I was a little kid for the most part. What makes me so different now is that everyone else without SAD has grown up socially and I never did.

JS, right on again! From both my own experience and things I learned working with people diagnosed with mental illness, this seems pretty accurate. Take for instance, Asperger's disorder. It is often misdiagnosed or undiagnosed until the person hits the teenage years. This is because so much emphasis is often on making students in school "uniform". Then, when you're a teenager you start to develop more socially, "cliques" begin forming, you learn more about who you are, etc. A person with Asperger's will often have difficulty fitting in, adapting to social rules, acting appropriately. So much so, that at first many people see them as strictly trying to break rules or being inappropriate to others.

I see myself as much the way you described, much more immature socially and taking longer to learn how to relate to others in situations. I.e. never dating until after college, never going to prom, spring break, never having a long term relationship, etc....Whereas the average college student has possibly already experienced all of this already.

 

[madmike]

I've been through too many phases in my life to explain here. I should probably be on a schizophrenia forum to be honest lol.

But about the narcissism you mentioned, i personally think narcissism is definitely a bad quality, you shouldn't think that just because when you were younger it allowed you to be more popular it is somehow a virtue (or higher knowledge or something, is that what you meant?). I think when you were younger you probably just had a lot of other redeeming qualities which made you so popular- maybe you were less self-conscious and more other people-conscious and such.

There seem to be a lot of sociable people out there who have a lot of faults- greed, stubborness, vanity, whatever. Just because they're sociable doesn't make those things good.

 

[dancingintherain]

A bit, I mean I've always been quiet and had trouble making friends but was so full of life it was up to high school times when everything changed

 

[eek]

Yes, I didn't have my first panic attack until I was 20. Before then I wouldn't call myself normal... but 'acceptable'?

 

[GhoulsNightOut]

I was always shy and anxious but back then, I was still highly functional (could do class presentations and get all my work done way before the due date), and I was always up for going out with friends and had all this energy to try out hobbies. Now I'm just a mess. I can't organize, can't plan things well, and I don't feel motivated to make new friends since I've hated the majority of people I've met throughout my college years. I'm not even sure if I answered this question correctly. My brain just feels so disorderly right now.....