Did anyone else choose to not date until their SA is completely gone?

[MrJones]

It was not a choice, my SA prevents me from dating.

Thank you again, SA.

 

[gazelle]

When I get over S.A I know I'll be a better friend and a better lover, so I don't see the point of having a below-average dating experience now. Relationships are hard work and my heart is fragile at the moment, so I want to repair the foundations first.

Dating is putting yourself in a very precarious position. It would be like saying that you want to cooke, but have no intention of eating, the entire rational has to be questionned. Some people do not have SA severe enough that it will prohibit them from doing these things, but as we see, for a great many sufferers, it gets complicated and they end up losing control of the situation and get hurt in the process. If it is your intention to meet people, then why not simply do that with friends, or new people? Dating is putting yourself out there for a relationship. Using it to fill your own need to 'meet' women is actually quite selfish and simply wasting their time. I don't agree with that at all. If you want to get over your SA then work through the right channels. If you are ready to date, with a view of what it potentially lead to, then that's fine.

I agree with the above posts.
I’ve been in a relationship before while having SA and must admit that having a cheating partner who would rub my SA in my face from time to time by telling me that we would marry some day but there were issues that I had to sort out with myself first, not only made my SA worse but also caused me to constantly compare myself to the girls he had and made me experience the worst of anxieties.
Whereas if I didn’t have SA and self-esteem issues I would’ve never fallen into such in an abusive relationship and caused so many bad memories to develop in my subconscious.
Of course I’m not waiting to fully get cured, but from that experience I’ve promised myself to never ever make myself go through such a pain again and date while I’m not ready .

I don’t think that anyone will ever treat me right until I myself learn to do so and I believe that I cannot give the right love to anyone while not being able to initially love my very own self.

 

[vexatiousmind]

I have been doing putting off dating for a few years now.
I regret it, there were several good guys that I passed up on.

There is always something in your life that is not perfect, I want someone who can deal with that.

I have put off a lot of things actually because I wasn't perfect yet.
I think it was just a way to justify avoidance to myself.

 

[Rembrandt Broam]

I have been doing putting off dating for a few years now.
I regret it, there were several good guys that I passed up on.

There is always something in your life that is not perfect, I want someone who can deal with that.

This is true. If you're waiting for everything to be perfect, you'll be waiting a long time.

I have put off a lot of things actually because I wasn't perfect yet.
I think it was just a way to justify avoidance to myself.

Not to sound morbid, but you never know how long a shot you have at life, and putting things off always seems like a bad idea when our time here is so finite.

 

[vexatiousmind]

Not to sound morbid, but you never know how long a shot you have at life, and putting things off always seems like a bad idea when our time here is so finite.

True, I keep thinking that when I switch colleges, or stay on meds long enough, or w.e. then I will start living.
Anyway, I am always waiting for something external to change, when I am the one that needs to change.
I recognize that I do this, and am working on it, but it is harder than it sounds.

 

[Illusions]

If I'd chosen not to date until my SA was gone, I'd never have dated.

My SA is part of my personality, so it's never going to be gone. I can work on ways to lessen its negative effects on my life, but it's always going to be there, and anyone I'm in a relationship with is going to have to deal with that, just as I'll have to deal with their issues, whether SA related or not.

I'm never going to be a flawless person without any hangups or issues, but then neither is anyone else. The way I look at it, you just have to get on with life. It's way too short as it is, and I don't want to miss opportunities because I don't think I'm "good enough" yet.

This pretty much sums it up for me. If I were to wait until I'm completely SA-free, I'd die a spinster.

 

[Mrs_shy]

deleted deleted

 

[EscapeArtist]

Yep, I think it's a wise choice. SA is part of low self esteem for most people... I think it's important to be confident within oneself before they take on another. Otherwise off-balance things can occur... co dependence, or just not finding the right person (somebody who is also not confident, or somebody who will stall your growth, or somebody who doesn't even relate to the person you really are when you are at your best)

At the same time if the right person seems to pop up and it's something you feel you have to go after , by all means go after it. Just make sure that it's somebody that you can see yourself with without SA/depression as well!

 

[lurknomore]

I don't exactly choose not to date, it's just that no one asks me out. I would probably say yes if they did... but it doesn't happen- or very rarely, and even then it's mostly dirty old men twice my age that I work with and have zero interest in to begin with. I do agree with those who say that if we waited until we were SA free or issue-free then it would probably never happen.