Diary publication thread of mine

[Nanita]

God, I hate feeling sick and tired, which has become my whole current life, sick and tired everyday. I can't afford buying the healthy food that might make me better. I can't afford anything but a cheap apartment and cheap food. I feel like there is litterally no good reasons for me being alive. I am spending money on rent and food so that I can live a horrible life, I should really just stop it already.

 

[planemo]

God, I hate feeling sick and tired, which has become my whole current life, sick and tired everyday. I can't afford buying the healthy food that might make me better. I can't afford anything but a cheap apartment and cheap food. I feel like there is litterally no good reasons for me being alive. I am spending money on rent and food so that I can live a horrible life, I should really just stop it already.

What exactly has got you feeling this way? Is it an ailment of some sort? I suffer from tiredness/fatigue everyday. It is a hard thing to deal with. I suppose the tough part is accepting one's life knowing there are factors which hinder us from living the life we hope to have. Sometimes these barriers are physical and sometimes they're emotional.

 

[Nanita]

What exactly has got you feeling this way? Is it an ailment of some sort? I suffer from tiredness/fatigue everyday. It is a hard thing to deal with. I suppose the tough part is accepting one's life knowing there are factors which hinder us from living the life we hope to have. Sometimes these barriers are physical and sometimes they're emotional.

Thanks for commenting, Planemo!
For how long have you experienced fatigue?
Yes it is really, really hard to live with. It has made me more depressed and isolated than I already was.

I had a throat & skin infection 4 years ago, and I was given antibotics several times. The infection didn't go away completely (except the skin did clear up), but after about 5 months it seemed to be a much lower infection. But I never felt completely well again at all.
Regular doctors haven't been able to help me at any point, except prescripe me all the antibiotics of course.
Because they can't see any infection in my throat or in my blood anymore, they tell me "you no longer have an infection so you shouldn't be feeling ill anymore. Bye!" And that's that. Becaue they don't know how to help someone if they don't understand what their health issues are.

So now it seems I have some sort of general infection (in my throat and sinuses and who knows where else)
I also think the huge amounts of antibiotics messed up my immune defense system.

I would try alternative treatments, but I can't afford it.

At one point in 2013 I felt better for about 2 months, because I started a raw food vegan diet. But my rent was lower back then and now I can't afford buying huge amounts of fruits and veggies anymore. I do eat a lot of fruits and veggies still, but not 100%. I wish I could afford it.

 

[planemo]

I've been experiencing fatigue for quite a while now, about 5-6 years. It could be related to my medication. It really is a difficult thing to deal with. It leaves you feeling flat and unmotivated all the time.

I would suggest you incorporate 3 things into your diet though. It will take time to see results, but I'm sure it will work.

The first thing is raw garlic. Try to have at least 1 clove a day. It's great for your immune system and general health.

The next thing is cod liver oil since its high in Vitamin A and D. You can get in tablet form as well. Try to eat oily fish if you can, as well and getting plenty of sunshine. This will help your immune system.

The last thing is honey. Try to dilute at least one tablespoon in water everyday. This should help with your immune system and sinuses. Also try to snort a mixture of bicarbonate of soda and water up your nose. It's a not pleasant but it will help your sinuses.

All these things take time to work though, so you need to be patient. But they're all quite inexpensive although honey can be a bit pricey. Try to eat protein though if you can, especially oily fish. If you're not into red meats that's okay, but make sure you get plenty of other types of protein.

 

[Nanita]

I've been experiencing fatigue for quite a while now, about 5-6 years. It could be related to my medication. It really is a difficult thing to deal with. It leaves you feeling flat and unmotivated all the time.

I would suggest you incorporate 3 things into your diet though. It will take time to see results, but I'm sure it will work.

The first thing is raw garlic. Try to have at least 1 clove a day. It's great for your immune system and general health.

The next thing is cod liver oil since its high in Vitamin A and D. You can get in tablet form as well. Try to eat oily fish if you can, as well and getting plenty of sunshine. This will help your immune system.

The last thing is honey. Try to dilute at least one tablespoon in water everyday. This should help with your immune system and sinuses. Also try to snort a mixture of bicarbonate of soda and water up your nose. It's a not pleasant but it will help your sinuses.

All these things take time to work though, so you need to be patient. But they're all quite inexpensive although honey can be a bit pricey. Try to eat protein though if you can, especially oily fish. If you're not into red meats that's okay, but make sure you get plenty of other types of protein.

Thanks so much for your suggestions!
I eat those 3 things almost everyday :thumbup: Now I will definitely make sure I do so everyday though!
I'll try the soda snorting too.
I also eat oily fish like salmon, twice a week, more or less.

I also take like ginger, turmeric, lemon water, vitamins, minerals, etcetera............

Do you also experience that thing where you feel sort of pretty good and you do some activity but then suddenly you feel way tired again and you stop enjoying the activity? That's pretty much how it goes for me everytime I feel a little bit better.

 

[planemo]

Thanks so much for your suggestions!
I eat those 3 things almost everyday :thumbup: Now I will definitely make sure I do so everyday though!
I'll try the soda snorting too.
I also eat oily fish like salmon, twice a week, more or less.

I also take like ginger, turmeric, lemon water, vitamins, minerals, etcetera............

Do you also experience that thing where you feel sort of pretty good and you do some activity but then suddenly you feel way tired again and you stop enjoying the activity? That's pretty much how it goes for me everytime I feel a little bit better.

And don't forget plenty of water. That's an area I need to improve on myself. I'm quite lazy when it comes to drinking water.

Oh yeah, I feel that way all the time. After a while something you once looked forward to now becomes an arduous task. Most of the time it comes with exercise. There are things which I have no choice to carry on doing but exercise after a few weeks, becomes too draining. I do want to do it, but my body/mind says "enough". It's really disheartening since it stops your progress. But there are other pursuits also which I just give up because the battery is running on empty.

 

[Nanita]

Ah yes the stupid awful wellknown feeling of nervousness before going somewhere with lots of people, I'm sure it will be horrible. I'll report back later.

 

[Nanita]

God, I feel awful today, I just can't get over how miserably empty and pointless my existence is. And of course going out last night has made me compare myself to the people I was hanging out with, they all have well-functioning lives with friends, meaning and great things to do.

 

[Nanita]

I should get a really good rope and hang myself.
There is nothing that I can do or change, to actually change myself an create a better life. This isn't living. This is being alive but in misery. I honestly have no hope. I have already tried all kinds of things and approaches.
I feel slightly better at times, but that doesn't even matter to me, cause I keep coming back to the misery that is always there underneath any brief better mood.

 

[Graeme1988]

I should get a really good rope and hang myself. I am really. Really, I am ready.
There is nothing that I can do or change, to actually change myself an create a better life. This isn't living, This is being alive but in misery. I have already tried all kinds of things and approaches. I can actually feel slightly better at times, but that doesn't even matter to me, cause I keep coming back to the misery that is always there underneath any brief better mood.

I know this probably won't be of much comfort to ye, but, I've also been feeling this way for sometime now - years in fact, which makes it all the sadder. :sad:

Anyway, sorry yer feelin' awful, darlin'. I can't really offer any words that would make ye feel better. I hope you find way to change yer situation for the better. :thumbup:

 

[Nanita]

I know this probably won't be of much comfort to ye, but, I've also been feeling this way for sometime now - years in fact, which makes it all the sadder. :sad:

Anyway, sorry yer feelin' awful, darlin'. I can't really offer any words that would make ye feel better. I hope you find way to change yer situation for the better. :thumbup:

Thank you for commenting.
Yeah it's hard to feel awful most of the time, isn't it... I'm sorry you feel bad too.
I really can't think of any good purpose of all this suffering. I'm basically just taking up space on earth, being alive for no good reason.

 

[Graeme1988]

Thank you for commenting.

Nay bother, Nanita. Just makin' ye aware yer not the only one go through this.

Yeah it's hard to feel awful most of the time, isn't it... I'm sorry you feel bad too.

Aye, it is that. Pretty hellish, in fact. Having no-one around you willing to understand what yer going through and being dismissive of yer anxiety rather than being supportive is even worse.

Though, the only thing worse than that is, yer problems being a great source of comedy for those who don't have anxiety and depression.

I really can't think of any good purpose of all this suffering.

I used to believe that the only good that came from suffering was that it made me a stronger, more determined person, but in fact the opposite is true. At least with me, anyway.

I'm basically just taking up space on earth, being alive for no good reason.

Me too. :sad: Though, the only reason I can think I'm still alive is, so folk can be grateful that their lives aren't as shitty as mine. Pity, basically.

Anyway, that's enough blethering from me. :bigsmile:

 

[Nanita]

Nay bother, Nanita. Just makin' ye aware yer not the only one go through this.

I used to believe that the only good that came from suffering was that it made me a stronger, more determined person, but in fact the opposite is true. At least with me, anyway.


Anyway, that's enough blethering from me. :bigsmile:

I appreciate it .. thank you for writing that!!!!
Yeah I know what you mean, the suffering definitely makes me feel like more of a nervous wreck than "strong".
I don't know what we can do about it Graeme!!! I wish we could feel better!

 

[Nanita]

Now it's time to sleep and I feel lost, empty, pathetic, rejected, stupid, blind, undesired.

 

[Graeme1988]

I appreciate it .. thank you for writing that!!!!
Yeah I know what you mean, the suffering definitely makes me feel like more of a nervous wreck than "strong".

That's how ah feel when forced into a social situation. :sad:

I don't know what we can do about it Graeme!!! I wish we could feel better!

:idontknow: For me, it's either get totally off ma face with booze or remove every person who has been a hinderance in ma life. But sadly I've become so co-dependent upon my family - by way of being emotionally blackmailed - that I can't tell 'em to... Eff off !

Now it's time to sleep and I feel lost, empty, pathetic, rejected, stupid, blind, undesired.

Sorry yer going through a difficult time just now. Hopefully things will get better for ya. :thumbup:

 

[everdeenkatniss]

I try to hardly ever think about the upcoming, for better or more intense in regards to preparing, but I know it's something that's just going to disappointed me all plenty of your time. If everything is going excellent in the connection, then there's nothing to be worried about. If you have any problems, discussing with your spouse is the best action you can take as he's there to assistance you.

 

[theslowesthand]

Yeah it's hard to feel awful most of the time, isn't it... I'm sorry you feel bad too.
I really can't think of any good purpose of all this suffering. I'm basically just taking up space on earth, being alive for no good reason

That's quite a thought-provoking question!. Suffering i think is not conscious, so hasn't got a conscious goal or purpose, good or bad. But one can use it to learn from, and use that knowledge to whatever ends one wants. Suffering i firmly believe, is symptomatic of "disease", primarily of the mental kind. It's not "natural" to be suffering all the time, which is partly why it feels so bad to feel very bad?. I think its a good exercise to mull over the nature & purpose of suffering, from time to time... :thinking:

 

[theslowesthand]

I had a throat & skin infection 4 years ago, and I was given antibotics several times. The infection didn't go away completely (except the skin did clear up), but after about 5 months it seemed to be a much lower infection. But I never felt completely well again at all.
Regular doctors haven't been able to help me at any point, except prescripe me all the antibiotics of course.
Because they can't see any infection in my throat or in my blood anymore, they tell me "you no longer have an infection so you shouldn't be feeling ill anymore. Bye!" And that's that. Becaue they don't know how to help someone if they don't understand what their health issues are.

So now it seems I have some sort of general infection (in my throat and sinuses and who knows where else)
I also think the huge amounts of antibiotics messed up my immune defense system.

I would try alternative treatments, but I can't afford it.

At one point in 2013 I felt better for about 2 months, because I started a raw food vegan diet. But my rent was lower back then and now I can't afford buying huge amounts of fruits and veggies anymore. I do eat a lot of fruits and veggies still, but not 100%. I wish I could afford it.

I've had a skin infection for over a year (in toe), and it doesnt appear to be getting better in a hurry, & right now is getting a bit worse. I've taken a couple course of antibiotics, but it didnt rid the infection. I'm sure it affects my energy (i often have minimal energy/drive/etc, & is big effort to stay "up").

So i'm about to buy a device called a "frequency zapper". I'm hopeful that it might be sth that could kill the bacteria of the infection (& also many other "microbes" that could be contributing to ill-health). I'll give it a go anyway. Known about it for years, even made one; this time i'll do it properly (buy device, use it regulalry & ongoingly).

My latest theory/tactic on health is: (in no order)
- ADD (better diet)
- SUBTRACT (remove microbes & toxins from body/environment; eg zapper & detoxing)

 

[Nanita]

Sorry yer going through a difficult time just now. Hopefully things will get better for ya. :thumbup:

Thank you Grame <3
I am doing better now, thanks.
I hope you are too????????? Maybe??

-

Wow, so I'm really bad at trusting that things are okay or that they might be okay later.
Even when many things are going well, I start thinking "this is going down the drain, all of this, this can't keep going well". I prepare myself for the worst.
So I really destroy my own mood like that. And destroy my life, like that. Yup.
Self destruction.


I managed to finish another song. With a little help from a friend. Not really help per se, but I was inspired to pull myself together and just work on it and finish it. I've been telling myself that I can never finish another song again, ever. But I did. I have to reord some of the vocals again and then I'll let everyone hear it.

I realized that my shrink is even more awesome than I thought. Well I already knew that she is amazing, but now I'm relating even more to her. I've been seeing her for 2½ years and now I'm feeling that we have come this place where therapy is actually really having an impact on me.
To bad I probably have to stop seeing her next summer. She has so many patients on her waiting list. But she has mentioned that maybe she'll make and excepton with me. Or I could start in her group therapy. Maybe.

 

[Nanita]

I try to hardly ever think about the upcoming, for better or more intense in regards to preparing, but I know it's something that's just going to disappointed me all plenty of your time. If everything is going excellent in the connection, then there's nothing to be worried about. If you have any problems, discussing with your spouse is the best action you can take as he's there to assistance you.

Thank you for commenting It's true, we shouldn't worry about how things will turn out, because we can never know. So it's better to not worry about what will happen!