Diary/journal thing (can't think of a witty title)

[emre43]

Cheers Mikey. I am feeling a lot better now, I allowed myself to relax and just do things that I enjoy doing and it has helped with my anxiety a lot. I have found myself walking around with a newfound confidence. I can't believe the change in feeling that I have had since Monday and it was me that made the change, not advice by a professional but myself. I'm actually feeling brilliant, I just can't believe it.

A woman named Cathy gave me a tour of the centre and the first thing she showed me was this huge pig/wild boar cross (I'm not exaggerating when I say that it was about the size of my car; it was massive). She told me with a very straight face that when I've been coming along for a few weeks I'll be helping with cleaning out his ****...sigh lol. Apparently he has just been castrated because he was too aggressive and smashing fences down. I was given the choice of looking after cats or rabbits this Monday and I chose rabbits because I have a cat at home.

I'll have a supervisor looking over my shoulder, which is making me nervous. I suppose I'll just have to get through the first few weeks and I'll start feeling better. I had the choice of starting the following Monday and I wish I did now so I could speak to my counsellor before starting, oh well, I'm sure I'll enjoy it.

 

[EscapeArtist]

What an interesting job lol. It sounds really cool though, and a good amount of social interaction /not too much not too little/. Congrats on these changes you're making, it's so great that you're feeling so good!

 

[emre43]

^It is the ideal way to gain experience. As you say, not too much social contact but not too little. It was my first choice all along, they rejected me at first and I got really down, after that, I pretty much begged them (which I'm slightly embarassed about now that I have met them) and they gave me a chance.

 

[emre43]

Had my first day today. I cleaned out the enclosures of about ten rabbits and one Indian Runner Duck called Ferdinand, both of his hips are bent inwards so he can't really live up to his name and I fed one blind grey squirrel. My supervisor was a girl about the same age as me who I chatted to, she's moving to Milton Keynes (about two hours away) in a month.

At tea break I went into the staff room and was sitting there for about 45 minutes and nobody was speaking to each other. However, suddenly loads of farm dogs ran in and started jumping on people's laps. Behind them a tiny little pug waddled in and sat in front of me, I started stroking it and my supervisor quickly and sternly said "don't stroke him".

I heard some staff talking about someone they knew and "she's 21 years old now and she still hasn't moved out from her parents yet", as if you should have by that age. I'm 22 and I still live with them because of social anxiety but apparently the average age to leave home in England is 28 but what they said kind of stuck with me.

 

[emre43]

After a brave battle my grandad passed away at 3.09am. I will miss him more than words can say. My nan is so, so sad after loving him dearly for 60 years. Rest now you fabulous man. X

 

[emre43]

Thanks Twiggle.

He was taken too soon, he was 82 but I don't think that is too old nowadays. It feels really strange. My grandad was a golf fanatic and was a member of a local club. It was only two years ago that he took myself and my brother to his club and was teaching us the ropes, despite being eighty years old he was still getting to the next hole before us (that may sound like I'm joking but it's the god's honest truth), he really loved his golf. He was still entering tournaments and winning trophies up until recently against people of the age of eighteen and up. Seconds before he breathed his last my nan shouted "I'm gonna miss you, you old bugger". It made the family laugh for a little bit until moments later we realised that he had died. After he had passed my mum dressed him in his jogging bottoms and his favourite golfing shirt ready to be taken to the undertakers. I am going to miss him so much, but at least he is at peace now.

RIP Grandad, I love you X

 

[emre43]

You're right the best memories will be of those when he was at his strongest. I will try to dig out some photos and look back at the memories. It's a shame because it would have been his 60th wedding anniversary next year, it would have been a nice milestone for them to have made. I'm not very good at gold to be honest, certainly nowhere near his standard, but it seems like a good idea to have a game in his honour.

 

[emre43]

This is the first ever funeral that I will have been to so I know absolutely nothing about them. It's not the kind of thing you talk about. But I am quite disappointed about something in particular. I don't know who decided this but the chief mourners are to be his wife, his three daughters and my dad and uncle (obviously his son-in-laws). But I don't understand why his son-in-laws should be his chief mourners ahead of me and the rest of his grandchildren. We are his blood relatives and my dad and my uncle didn't marry his daughters because they fell in love with him. I'm not saying they don't care but I wholly disagree that they should be chief mourners ahead of his grandchildren.

 

[cosmosis]

Hey, sorry to hear about your grandad. It's funny how sometimes growing up we know that people die, especially old people, but somehow we still believe everything will stay the same and no one will really die. And then it does happen and we shocked into reality.

What are chief mourners? Like the ones in the front row or something? Unfortunately, I've been to way too many funerals in my life, but I'm unfamiliar with it. Yeah I wonder who would decide something like that? That would be a hard decision.

 

[MikeyC]

Sorry about your loss, emre. ::

 

[emre43]

Hey, sorry to hear about your grandad. It's funny how sometimes growing up we know that people die, especially old people, but somehow we still believe everything will stay the same and no one will really die. And then it does happen and we shocked into reality.

What are chief mourners? Like the ones in the front row or something? Unfortunately, I've been to way too many funerals in my life, but I'm unfamiliar with it. Yeah I wonder who would decide something like that? That would be a hard decision.

Yes, you're right it is very strange. I got in to the mentality that my grandparents were immortal though lol. I still had them all up until Tuesday.

I hadn't heard of chief mourners either until yesterday. Apparently they are the people who will suffer emotionally the most from the impact of the death and they ride in the car behind the hearse. Another thing that I forgot to mention is that my auntie said she will be sad when mum dies but not dad and yet she is a chief mourner. She wouldn't turn it down because it will mean that she won't have to pay out on petrol (my grandad had already paid for his fuenral prior to his death).

 

[Rembrandt Broam]

She wouldn't turn it down because it will mean that she won't have to pay out on petrol (my grandad had already paid for his fuenral prior to his death).

If that's true, then it's one of the most tight-fisted things I think I've ever heard.

 

[emre43]

If that's true, then it's one of the most tight-fisted things I think I've ever heard.

I know it's disgusting. She hasn't had a job for years and lives off benefits. She can't afford electricity, nor a phonebill and just about pays the mortgage and food every month. However, with the spare money she sends a lot of money on alcohol as well as feeding her two cats and alsatian. While my grandad was ill in hospital she told him she was short on money and asked if he could help her out. He gave her £1,000. Later that day she advertised on Facebook that she was treating her daughters to an expensive meal and a couple of bottles of champagne. The rest went on wine. One time when she visited him in hospital she offered to get him something from the shop, he asked for some ice cream, he didn't have much of an appetite but he knew that he needed to eat. She brought him one up and he had some of it but couldn't finish it. Afterwards she started ranting about him to my mum, that she had driven up to the hospital and bought him some ice cream (it only cost £1.50) only for him to reject it (after he had just given her £1,000). She didn't get much sympathy. I can't stand her and it is an insult to him that she is going to be a chief mourner.

 

[emre43]

Btw thanks Mikey.

 

[emre43]

Do you think I should go into work tomorrow? I will be at the kennels but I have a cold and a sore throat. Although physically I am capable of doing things I am just wondering whether I might pass something on to the animals.

 

[MikeyC]

Do you think I should go into work tomorrow? I will be at the kennels but I have a cold and a sore throat. Although physically I am capable of doing things I am just wondering whether I might pass something on to the animals.

Animals generally can't catch what you have so I think you definitely should.

 

[emre43]

I went in, it was like being in heaven. I was in this quiet area where hardly ny people come cleaning out outdoor rabbit runs. The sun was shining and the birds were singing, it was beautiful. To make things even better my supervisor was with me the whole time (a beautiful young blonde girl called Christina) and another girl was partnered with me for work experience (a beautiful brunette who is a little bit younger than me called Kat). I was chatting away to both of them and laughing with them. It feels brilliant after I socialise with someone, especially beautiful girls, and gives me such a confidence boost.

I really like both of them but Christina is moving to Milton Keynes soon. It is Kat's last week next week and she isn't going to be leaving anytime soon. I was just wondering, how do I tell her that I like her? And how do I go about asking her for her number? I can take rejection. I think my problem in life is the not knowing how to take the step of making somebody a friend.

 

[MikeyC]

I was just wondering, how do I tell her that I like her? And how do I go about asking her for her number? I can take rejection.

If you can handle rejection, then just ask her straight out for her number. Either she'll give it to you or she won't, but if she doesn't you'll have to accept her decision.

 

[emre43]

Well, I made a mistake, it was actually her last week when I saw her. I have asked the farm if they would be willing to pass my details on to her and ask if she would be willing to get in touch.

 

[emre43]

I hate it when I try to joke with my brother, sister and her boyfriend and my brother going off telling his mates "Oh my god, did you hear what he just said, he's so weird". He's 19 for christ sake, he told me that I should act my age of 21 (he doesn't even know my age because I'm 22) and then acts like a Beverly Hills schoolgirl. I'm not sure whether I'm allowed to say that I despise my brother but I do.