Devotion to a relationship

[sevenroses]

Do you feel that if you do ever get in a relationship you will not have time to devote to that person?

I feel that i've gone for so many years without ever having had a girlfriend that i've become set in my ways. I feel that although i feel lonely, being alone is what only truly feels comfortable, i feel that i perhaps have damaged my brain into the belief that i should be solitary....That people take too much of my time.

Even so i want to experience a relationship but my brain tells me - ''You won't have time to do the hobbies you enjoy'' and the thought of having to speak on the phone every night fills me with fear, also the fear of meeting the girls parents fills me with fear.

It sucks to be lonely.

I couldn't agree with you more bro. That's the reason why I decide to stay single. It's kind of a lose lose situation even though you get your freedom and space you get a little lonely too.

 

[Largey]

I'm very thankful that I met my girlfriend before I had any agoraphobic symptoms. I couldn't imagine doing half the stuff we did on our first date now (walking on the beach, going to the cinema, going bowling) but we had a fantastic day back then.

Remember, when in the moment, your phobia may pass you bye and the only thing on your mid will be the person standing in front of you. I have found much solace in letting my GF about my phobia, and hopefully others have felt the same too. The sense that you are lonely and cannot confide with someone else is heart-breaking. Hopefully you can speak to someone you trust and release your emotions, as who are they to judge you for who you are?!

 

[xSleepy]

Do you feel that if you do ever get in a relationship you will not have time to devote to that person?

I feel that i've gone for so many years without ever having had a girlfriend that i've become set in my ways. I feel that although i feel lonely, being alone is what only truly feels comfortable, i feel that i perhaps have damaged my brain into the belief that i should be solitary....That people take too much of my time.

Even so i want to experience a relationship but my brain tells me - ''You won't have time to do the hobbies you enjoy'' and the thought of having to speak on the phone every night fills me with fear, also the fear of meeting the girls parents fills me with fear.

It sucks to be lonely.

Hey Recluse, I think it's kinda good that you've thought about this stuff ahead of time before you enter a relationship. It's good to have an idea of what you might or might not be ok with

From my own experience though, actually being in a relationship and experiencing it for yourself is much different than what you assumed it would be like. I thought i'd be a certain way in a relationship too, but turns out I'm like the complete opposite. I'm not saying everyone will be like that. Some people could end up being exactly how they imagined.

I don't think you should be worried about not devoting enough time to your gf. The relationship will not be all about her, so you will have a say in it! If you're actually interested in her I'm sure you would make some time to see her. If it gets to be too much you could always ask for some space. And everyone in a relationship should make time for there own hobbies and interests. You could even try to get her to participate in some of your hobbies. Unless your hobbies literally take up all of your time. You HAVE to make some time for your gf if you want to keep her around.
Oh and that whole phone thing, I don't like it either! Maybe your gf would enjoy texting or IMing lol. That's what I prefer until I get over my phone anxiety.

Aaaand I think I have typed too much lol. So my ending statement is- Being alone used to be comfortable to me too, I was used to it. But once you find that perfect person you wont remember how you were able to stay alone for so long. Being with someone will become your new normal.. when you find the right person. Just don't worry so much! Go with the flow. Be looseh gooseh.. =)

 

[Silvox Black]

The key to the best relationship is not a constant attachment to your partner, but rather a healthy balance of time spent with and away with them. It is a learning process to balance your needs with your significant other's needs. It is understandable that one who has been isolated for a long period of time can feel uncomfortable. The new is always something terrifying.

 

[MollyBeGood]

Do you feel that if you do ever get in a relationship you will not have time to devote to that person?

I feel that i've gone for so many years without ever having had a girlfriend that i've become set in my ways. I feel that although i feel lonely, being alone is what only truly feels comfortable, i feel that i perhaps have damaged my brain into the belief that i should be solitary....That people take too much of my time.

Even so i want to experience a relationship but my brain tells me - ''You won't have time to do the hobbies you enjoy'' and the thought of having to speak on the phone every night fills me with fear, also the fear of meeting the girls parents fills me with fear.

It sucks to be lonely.

Relationships are negotiated-LoL ...where's Dr. Phil.?
And it helps to find someone with similar interests for real! You have to have things in common to sustain for longevity. They might be hobbies, goals, etc...try to keep them in focus.

Having your own space is important to you then you have to tell the other person right off the bat, be honest always about who you are, your quirks and such and if you have found the right person to be with then those things to them will just add to your unique personality. Everyone is different obviously. Learning about the other person will be part of it, being intimate emotionally is very important cuz it also bonds you together. Plus it feels great to be able to tell someone everything and have them love you still no matter what...it's worth the risk.

you're never too old or set in your ways unless you want to be.

 

[Rembrandt Broam]

I need time alone but I can also be intense and didn't find it too hard making time for a partner in the past. The social side was hard though as I hate meeting people and any new partner would have to accept i'm not that social , I need time alone for thinking but also need time to be with them. I'm a strange mix

It doesn't sound like a strange mix. It sounds like a good balance.