scissorhands
Well-known member
Better to open up and talk about them? Or better never to speak of them again so not to risk restarting the usage?
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Degrading pet names from bullies/ QUESTION
- Thread starter scissorhands
- Start date
Satine
Well-known member
What, with the bullies? I'd choose not to mention them again if I thought there was any chance at all they might begin to use them again.
If with other people I trusted, I might do. Some might make them chuckle and you can share the gag with them, and that would take away most of the power of those names. Or they might be offended that anyone called you that, depending on who you're talking about.
If with other people I trusted, I might do. Some might make them chuckle and you can share the gag with them, and that would take away most of the power of those names. Or they might be offended that anyone called you that, depending on who you're talking about.
Harleyq
Well-known member
I don't think I've ever really been called names from my bullies. They mostly just made fun of how I dressed or how quiet I was or called me weird, but no nicknames. I guess it would depend on how badly nicknames affected you. If they're still a severe hindrance in your life, I think it's probably good to talk about it to someone or some people that you trust, and get all that baggage out of the way. But if you're functional and have moved past the name-calling, I don't see a reason to bring it up.
For a while my friend's brother just decided not to like me for no reason and started calling me Suki as a way to antagonize me (because he and his friends thought I looked like Suki from 2 Fast 2 Furious). But I always thought that was the lamest insult ever. "Oh, you're calling me by the name of a character who was known for her 'edgy sex appeal' in a popular movie and who was played by an international model. I'm so hurt and offended"
For a while my friend's brother just decided not to like me for no reason and started calling me Suki as a way to antagonize me (because he and his friends thought I looked like Suki from 2 Fast 2 Furious). But I always thought that was the lamest insult ever. "Oh, you're calling me by the name of a character who was known for her 'edgy sex appeal' in a popular movie and who was played by an international model. I'm so hurt and offended"
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scissorhands
Well-known member
explain my situation a little more.
I was antagonized by a group from grade 7 or 8 onward until about a year after highschool when I moved away. This group waged a campaign of abuse on me which relied on the use of a very stupid and meaningless pet name, designed only to degrade me and isolate me. I heard it every day for years everywhere in town I went, it was a small town. From cars passing by, at school, in my workplace, at home (as some were friends with my brother). The use of the name spread like wildfire to anyone who wanted to fit in with this crowd. That was the worst part, people who didn't even know me, never spoke to me, never even saw me before, would just begin harassing me only thinking of fitting in with that crowd, without even thinking what it was doing to me or how it must feel to be treated like that. I was very shy in school so never stood up to them and never did anything at all about it. I did nothing to provoke it's use and never even responded to them so all they got out of it I suppose was a sense of power.
Anyway it has caused me alot of mental struggles and damage since then even after moving to the other side of the country. Every person I'd meet for a very long time even after moving, I'd ask myself if they would have been capable of doing that, as I saw person after person do it to me without even knowing me. I lived with the belief that everyone was capable of destroying someone's soul without asking questions or thinking, just becuase everyone aroudn them was doing it. I lost faith and trust in people.
I've come an extremely long way with SAD though and have made great progress but this thing still pops up once in a while and makes me angry and full of regret for not doing anything about it. And it's always in my head. I deal with it and ignore the negative thoughts and have been doing so for a long time but I still feel like I have this huge burden or secret that I can never talk about.
So what I'm wondering is if it's best to open up and talk to someone about these kind of past traumatizing experiences and the pet names, or just never talk about it so not to risk reviving it?
I've been with my girlfriend for seven years, she knows everything about me except this. I know she would understand it and all but I'd just feel like a loser once she knew about it. I know she would still love me and respect me but it would surely cast me under a new light.
I was antagonized by a group from grade 7 or 8 onward until about a year after highschool when I moved away. This group waged a campaign of abuse on me which relied on the use of a very stupid and meaningless pet name, designed only to degrade me and isolate me. I heard it every day for years everywhere in town I went, it was a small town. From cars passing by, at school, in my workplace, at home (as some were friends with my brother). The use of the name spread like wildfire to anyone who wanted to fit in with this crowd. That was the worst part, people who didn't even know me, never spoke to me, never even saw me before, would just begin harassing me only thinking of fitting in with that crowd, without even thinking what it was doing to me or how it must feel to be treated like that. I was very shy in school so never stood up to them and never did anything at all about it. I did nothing to provoke it's use and never even responded to them so all they got out of it I suppose was a sense of power.
Anyway it has caused me alot of mental struggles and damage since then even after moving to the other side of the country. Every person I'd meet for a very long time even after moving, I'd ask myself if they would have been capable of doing that, as I saw person after person do it to me without even knowing me. I lived with the belief that everyone was capable of destroying someone's soul without asking questions or thinking, just becuase everyone aroudn them was doing it. I lost faith and trust in people.
I've come an extremely long way with SAD though and have made great progress but this thing still pops up once in a while and makes me angry and full of regret for not doing anything about it. And it's always in my head. I deal with it and ignore the negative thoughts and have been doing so for a long time but I still feel like I have this huge burden or secret that I can never talk about.
So what I'm wondering is if it's best to open up and talk to someone about these kind of past traumatizing experiences and the pet names, or just never talk about it so not to risk reviving it?
I've been with my girlfriend for seven years, she knows everything about me except this. I know she would understand it and all but I'd just feel like a loser once she knew about it. I know she would still love me and respect me but it would surely cast me under a new light.
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scissorhands
Well-known member
Serafina - Thanks. I reworded some things since you quoted it though. I felt I sounded too much like a victim, where really I am doing quite well and have conquered a great deal of my SAD problems. Things are definitely going good and in the right direction, just that one thing always pops up in my mind and I feel anger and regret for not standing up for myself then and generally I just feel a huge burden like I'm carrying a huge secret around with me. I'd like to just clear it off my chest but it terrifies me to consider that I could unlease the use of some stupid name like that again. What if I told someone about it, and they told someone, they told someone etc, until someone used it against me, or someone it gets to someone who gets angry sometime at me and uses it against me, etc. Seems risky, you know.
Raz - Yeah I know what you mean.
Raz - Yeah I know what you mean.
Hellhound
Super Moderator
I would not talk with people i don't fully trust, but i think you should let your gf know. You are not a loser, those who bullied you are losers. It's not your fault if you were bullied, so i don't think she will see you in a different light, especially because she knows you for so long, I'm sure she will understand and support you, and you will feel much better after talking about it.
agoraphobickatie
Well-known member
i agree with hellhound, i wouldn't want to tell anyone i didn't trust, but surely she will understand as she loves you and you do trust her... i think telling your girlfriend would definitely lift a lot of that weight, and who knows, maybe bring you guys even closer since she would know that one little thing.. if you decide to tell her, you should definitely be very clear about how it's difficult for you to talk about, and share with her your worries about people finding out and calling you that name again, let her know how it truly effects you and she should certainly be understanding and even helpful... best wishes!
Hellhound
Super Moderator
Being called/treated like an inanimate object in school is probably what caused me to not develop a sense of "self", even today I don't really see myself as a person, just a witness to the events around me. I'm not a character in the stage of life, I'm just an observer.
Same here... I feel like that too, and i was treated like crap too in school and pretty much everywhere i've been :,(
Since you are together for this long I doubt it would change much,I used to be called names sometimes too,this is also one of the reasons that when a girl got interested in me I usually walked away,thats probably a silly feeling since some of them knew this,but still liked me,but still I didnt felt good enough for her,fear to be seen with her or I felt I couldnt protect her so I was better off alone,I know what kind of pain this brings.
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mismeek
Well-known member
people in school just ignored me, but people from my cousins and my people from my tribe would (and still do sometimes) call me "mudblood" "mutt" or "halfie" because my mom is black. Since I'm older I don't have to see them as much. It sucks because I'll never be able to get away from it unless I just remove myself from the family.
mrb
Well-known member
i used to get beaten up at school by bullies ...... but then when i left school i took up body building 2 year later guess who i saw at a night club ..... my old bully ..... we looked at eachother and i walked up to him and saw the fear in his eyes , i just said ALRIGHT PAUL looking at him as if to say your gonna get it buster ........ but i just walked straight past him he he , oh what a wonderfull feeling , but i wasnt going to be a bully like he was ....... funny how things change over the years isnt it
evil feline space cadet
Banned
Scissorhands - ive gone through the EXACT same thing! Strangers shouting at me in the street and all. Even my ex, who i was with when this namecalling started, used it against me when we broke up. Thats when i started getting counselling for it. My school principal laughed in my face at least three times when i went to her to stop a girl bullying me with the use of that name. I got into my only physical fight because of that name! It ruined my life. i hope nobody ever hears it again! I feel like a monster..