Dating site tips?

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GCM707

New member
I was reading over another thread on this forum about dating sites, but wanted to make another thread for people to post tips about using dating sites. Personally I have used a couple, but I don't have a whole lot of luck with them.

What are your strategies for getting attention on these sites? What have you tried? What worked? What didn't? How successful have you been? What sites have you tried?
 
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SM1010

Well-known member
Been out on dates with around 25 women from dating sites over the past couple years.

Unless you're Brad Pitt clone you really just have to find a way to stand out. If you're in a decently populated area your competition is probably several thousand guys. Attractive women can get up to 50-100 messages a day.

Your message really has to stand out. Find something unique to comment on in her profile. Upload a couple pics, but not too many. Find some way to make your profile fairly light hearted and humorous. A boring profile and a boring message are immediate deal breakers for women.

Honestly it can be pretty tough and frustrating since you have so much competition. But for us shy guys it can really help too. My confidence around women has gone up 1000% since I started using dates sites. Before that I had never even been on a real date.
 
InvisaLady

InvisaLady

Well-known member
SM1010 said:
Attractive women can get up to 50-100 messages a day.

.
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This is a myth that needs to stop being perpetuated.

People on this site tell me I'm not unattractive and I live in a big enough city but to be honest with you If I got 4 messages per month I was lucky.

So maybe there are those who get the 50-100 a day but guess what, they are not attractive, they are super model drop dead gorgeous.
 
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SM1010

Well-known member
There's nothing wrong with what I said. There are women who get up to 50-100 messages a day, it's certainly not a myth. Is it the majority? Obviously not.

Sounds like you're upset that I merely used one adjective (attractive) instead of 5 adjectives to describe said women.
 
InvisaLady

InvisaLady

Well-known member
First, why the hell are you so damn defensive?
So Excuse me for letting others know that it is much more likely that these attractive women are not getting as many messages as the over inflated reports that most men seem to beleive about women on dating sites.
All of the men whom I have spoken with on dating sites seem to think it is common for women to get loads of messages per day and well, it's not common.
If a guy thinks just because a girl is attractive she gets tons of messages they tend to get discourage, thinking "what's the point?" But looks are no real indicator of how many messages a person will receive.

I would really like to see what someone who actually gets 100 messages a day looks like.
There is a huge difference between attractive an unobtainable goddess (either that or they put "looking for casual sex" in their profiles.


I suppose it should come as no surprise that even here people will jump on me for giving a report of what is actually happening to a "common woman".
 
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ImNotMyIllness

Well-known member
InvisaLady said:
First, why the hell are you so damn defensive?
So Excuse me for letting others know that it is much more likely that these attractive women are not getting as many messages as the over inflated reports that most men seem to beleive about women on dating sites.
All of the men whom I have spoken with on dating sites seem to think it is common for women to get loads of messages per day and well, it's not common.
If a guy thinks just because a girl is attractive she gets tons of messages they tend to get discourage, thinking "what's the point?" But looks are no real indicator of how many messages a person will receive.

I would really like to see what someone who actually gets 100 messages a day looks like.
There is a huge difference between attractive an unobtainable goddess (either that or they put "looking for casual sex" in their profiles.


I suppose it should come as no surprise that even here people will jump on me for giving a report of what is actually happening to a "common woman".
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That makes sense.
 
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SM1010

Well-known member
I don't see how I'm being defensive. You're the one who sounded offended by the thought of women receiving 50-100 messages a day.

But looks are no real indicator of how many messages a person will receive.
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Sorry but you're living in a fantasy world if you actually think that.
 
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gazelle

Well-known member
If a woman doesn't get 50-100 messages a day on a dating site, this definitely wouldn't mean that she isn't attractive. Just like InvisaLady mentioned, it could be that they put things such as "looking for casual sex" in their profiles or other than that they could put up revealing pictures on their profiles which might implicitly state that too.
Moreover, the amount of messages a woman gets on a dating site also depends on many other factors like how many people from the persons city are actually searching actively since the majority are probably looking to date someone from the same town.
There's also another thing about being a new member and having your picture up for a few days on the fist page that could make you more noticeable for the first week... so yeah if she's really attractive there is a possibility that she might be getting more messages on the first week but not after that.
I'm not saying that looks don't matter, but it's not the only factor.
 
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Flanscho

Flanscho

Well-known member
  • use a website that actually has a way of determining who would fit to you (such as okcupid, by comparing questions), instead of one that simply lists people in your neighbourhood
  • use up to date photos
  • write an interesting detailed (not too long) profile
  • don't lie about yourself, but be positive. I myself wouldn't message someone, who had already written on the profile "I'm so depressed, I never leave the house"
  • message people, don't just wait to be messaged
  • read the profile of people you message
  • don't look too dependant on your own profile
  • be willing to get into contact quickly with people. I messaged someone some days ago on okcupid, we chatted the same day and had a video chat the next day
  • don't push people
  • if you message a person first, don't write generic "hello, you are pretty" nonsense, but give that person an actual reason to message back ("hey, we both like Queen" ain't reason enough)
  • I message people in foreign countries too, since I like travelling, and this lead to some great friendships and experiences. Long distance relationships suck in most cases though, so try to find someone you can actually meet regularly
  • don't overwhelm people with stuff that is too private
  • have a webcam or at least a headset, so, in case you are familiar enough with the person you got to know, you can use that too, to get to know each other better. messages on the internet will work at first, but if you won't do some more private type of communication, your friendship will most likely wither away
 
bcsr

bcsr

Well-known member
Dating sites are superficial by nature. You have a few pictures, and a little bit about the person written in, which might be exaggerated, or even complete lies. Personality counts for a lot when dating, but you don't get that benefit from a dating site.

I had some decent success with OKcupid, had a high response rate to my messages, and got a good amount of messages from women. I just kept my profile short, and light-hearted. When I messaged women, I stayed away from the cheesy and cliche "We have a lot in common..." stuff, and just sent funny/random questions and comments. I got much better results with those.
 
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kilojoule

kilojoule

1
Tips for women.

Do not post a picture on your profile, this way only people who read your profile will reply to you.

Fill out your profile and be witty and breezy, describe yourself, say what you are looking for, be friendly.


Good luck.
 
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GCM707

New member
So early on in this thread about women putting "looking for casual sex" may get them a ton of messages. Do you think a man putting this would also get more messages from women?

Anyway, I often find myself browsing through looking at pics with a small excerpt of text from their profile. I tend to click on profiles that have a picture that attracts me or the small portion of their profile that I could read at a glance had something that interests me. I wonder how many people I miss that I may hit it off with that have neither of these come up on the search pages. I also tend to look at a profile, and am unable to find something to use to bring up a conversation.
 
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Silatuyok

Well-known member
joule said:
Tips for women.

Do not post a picture on your profile, this way only people who read your profile will reply to you.
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While I appreciate this method, I prefer doing the opposite: post a ton of pics, not just of yourself, but of things you like, places you've been, etc. That way, they can get an at-a-glance view of who you are without having to sift through yet another wordy description. Humans are visual creatures, after all, so why not use that to your advantage. In my experience, more people have contacted me to discuss something they saw in one of my photographs, rather than something I have written. <---and I'm not just talking about dating sites.
 
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gazelle

Well-known member
GCM707 said:
So early on in this thread about women putting "looking for casual sex" may get them a ton of messages. Do you think a man putting this would also get more messages from women?
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lol! No way! Don't do that. I think it's quite the opposite when it comes to women.
Although I don't really have that much experience with dating sites since they're banned where I live and I've only had a limited few days experience with OKcupid (before I got banned for using a proxy), I recall seeing two profiles of very good looking guys, the first one stated something along the lines of "more looking for one night stands however, I do believe that a one night stand can turn into a one life stand!" which I found as an immediate turn off and the other one stated that he was looking for an open relationship which was also something that came across as immature to me for a 30 year old guy (despite of having an apparently interesting profile with pictures of him traveling around the world and etc...)
I think a profile full of witty remarks and humor would create more attraction for women.(Or maybe there actually are women who'd be attracted to a man who'd state he only wants them for sex?:idontknow:)

I also tend to look at a profile, and am unable to find something to use to bring up a conversation.
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Look for poeple with similar interests to yours.
 
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