Coping with Online Relationships

[Xervello]

How many of you here (or that read this, at least) have only online romantic relationships because of your SAD? Either because of SAD or other reasons. And if you have fallen in or out of love, how do you cope with those feelings?

I've been chatting online for about twelve years now (not consecutively, I DO take pee breaks) and I didn't think it was possible for one to fall in love with another they've never met in person. A crush, yes. Strong feelings, yes. But I figured one had to meet and see if that physical chemistry was there in order to complete the circle. I thought this until I realized I was in love with someone, lol. I hadn't planned on it. I didn't court this person. It was spontaneous and a complete surprise. So I've had a change of heart. Literally. But I wasn't in a relationship with this person. Which is for the best, I suppose. Anyway, I'd like to hear how you all cope with it. If any of you do.

 

[jonas89]

I have had crushes online before and it takes time to get over, and it's never fun to deal with, specially if you don't know how the other person felt towards you.
As you said I never really thought it was possible to have such a strong feeling for someone that you have never met.

Now I have a really bad crush on this person that I have been talking to for about 5 months or so and the best part is that we both really like each other a lot : ) but the down side is that there are 2 countries that's in our way but I really hope that we can see each other this summer, because I think it's really special what we have there

 

[Hoppy]

I cannot even manage that.

 

[Xervello]

@jonas: That's great! I wish you luck with it.


@Hoppy: What do you mean you cannot even manage that? Do you have difficulties talking to people online? Or just not found the right person yet?

 

[Hoppy]

Difficulty talking to people online. Strangely enough I prefer talking to people face to face, even though that is very bad, it is easier than online.

 

[Xervello]

Can you explain why it's easier (though still difficult) face-to-face than online?

I prefer online. It allows me time to think through what I want to say (rather than tripping over my words, face-to-face) and neither of us are distracted by physical biases or awkardness. I'd love it if people talked online like they do face-to-face. Though I guess it depends on the person. In my experience, I DEMAND undivided attention, lol. Not really. But I make it known in subtle ways.

 

[Paddy1984]

I prefer online. It allows me time to think through what I want to say (rather than tripping over my words, face-to-face) and neither of us are distracted by physical biases or awkardness.

I'm the same way. I find it much easier to talk to someone online rather than in person or on the phone. I like being able to go over what I'm writing to make sure it sounds right and doesn't seem stupid. In person or on the phone you have to get it right the first time which I rarely do.

 

[theslowesthand]

My situation regarding "relationships" is a bit of a confusing mess. On on hand i do recognize that i regulalry have these feelings or urges, but on the other hand i am terrified of what "all that business" would entail. So i do nothing, let all chances pass by, sit the fence, put it off. Also i feel "too busy", and are too inflexible i believe, for a relationship (& of course having a dash of SA!)
But occasionally sth happens randomly, & even more occasionally i might "tip-toe" down that path, certainly not with any intentions of anything happening, but maybe out of curiosity, to investigate, or maybe i believe its harmless & we will remain at a "comfortable distance".

In the real world, i have been VERY careful not to go down any paths, as its much easier for thngs to develop further i believe.
But on the web, things are safer, cooler, and so i'm quite not as hesitant about making "female acquaintances". And if they are in another country, all the bettter! (as then i'm almost virtually guaranteed that no "relationship" will develop).

I did have a couple "virtual-romantic" things, each for a few months, and i allowed myself to get "involved" somewhat, but they both turned out to be russian scam artists!. Bit peeved at that; felt quite "used" & disrespected, but at least i got a taste of what romance is about. Wasn't as scary, & out-of-control as i had previously expected (mind you, i was still holding-back, was suspecting that it could be a scam, and also we had never met in person or even talked over the phone/web).

And although i've been member to quite a few connection sites for several years, i never seem to get around to trying to meet anyone. Maybe i am too busy with other stuff. Or maybe i simply can't be bothered. I dunno. But i got a "smile" a few weeks ago on one of my joined sites (NoLongerLonely.com), from a woman who has similar issues like me. But i'm just thinking, 'oh okay, fine, maybe by chatting to this person i'll learn some more about how to deal with my problems'. But i know, she being a woman, & also as the site is actually about match-making (people with various disorders), she may be thinking along the lines of 'maybe this could be my future partner?'. Who knows. It's certainly not my intention, but i guess whatever happens will happen. As i said - confusing.

 

[Agent_Violet]

I've had lots of online crushes. still do actually. I've only formed love feelings twice.

both times i got my heart ripped out. One simply abandoned me and disappeared. The other basically told me he's fond of me but that's all.

I don't think it's a good idea. crushes are ok,lusting is ok. Love online is just asking for heartache.

 

[Silatuyok]

So I've had a change of heart. Literally.

I hope you have not literally had a change of heart. Sounds painful, and expensive.

 

[Xervello]

@Marie: *Pokes you* Cute kitty. It really knows how to mug for the camera.


@Violet: That sucks. Truly. Before it happened to me I would have told you not to give up and keep trying. But knowing how painful it is having to mourn that love, I now comprehend just how difficult it is to summon the courage to try again. Though I still believe we shouldn't give up. There ARE people out there for us. We just need a little luck finding them.


@thesmallestloser: I wish you the best with this latest encounter. Though let me caution you about holding back and keeping all of that inside. It builds and collects like a reservoir of untamed emotion. As you may know. And if you do meet someone who you're willing to take a chance on, you may have difficulty governing that emotion and it may all come erupting out of you beyond your control - which can overwhelm and frighten the other person. Just be mindful of that. And, paraphrasing what you said, dip your toe into a few romantic opportunities. Allow your heart a little expression. Again, good luck.

 

[jaim38]

I got rejected too, over IM. At that time it felt like the end of the world. I have resolved not to do online romantic relationships ever since.

I want gay male friends so that can never happen again.

Me too. A gay male friend isn't as catty as women out there and can offer me (decent) advice on fashion, makeup, etc.