Convinced that everyone hates me

[dpr]

he doesnt no why he thinks people hate him, nor does he know why he thinks people laugh at him. therefore. get over it. no-one hates u. no ones laughing at you.

So first you try and kill recluse with your post, and the english language at the same time, stop multitasking.

lol that's hilarious... seriously, she is either 12 years old or she dropped English before grade 6.

To recluse: I feel ya man, I know how crappy it is. Work sucks. Just the forced labour aspect sucks enough. Trading in a beautiful day for 8 hours worth of money just so we can live is bad enough, but having to be stuck with a bunch of idiots is just the icing on the cake.

Just out of curiosity, is there anyone at work that you like? Who treats you nice, and with respect?

After reading the thread, two posts really stood out to me as the direction you might need to head to solve this problem. One was Kamen (I think) who asked "Where is your proof?" This is the first step. Really think hard about what evidence you have that people at your work hate you and are laughing at you. Write it down, even! Hell, write it out and post it as a thread and get feedback from the forum. But you have to sit down and really ask yourself questions to explore your thought process. Has anyone ever told you to your face: "I hate you" ? Do you hear your name mentioned before hearing people laugh or do you just hear laughter and assume it is about you? Do they point, etc? Think of all the evidence you have to support what you think, and then consider all the evidence that contradicts it. Remember, that SA/SP obscures our logic, it programs our brains to think negatively and expect the worst, so you have to approach this logically.

Also, I can't believe the dude called you a thick cunt, that is way over the line. Did you respond to this at all? What did you say or do after he said that? No one deserves that bullshit. Hopefully he was joking around.

The second post I liked was when Lexmark said "So what if they hate you? Then what?" That's a really good question to ask yourself. Let's say that you're right, and everyone at your work hates you and every time you thought they were laughing at you, they really were. Then what? What does that mean? Does it mean you're a bad person? Does it mean no one on earth will ever like you just because these morons don't? What are you afraid will happen if they don't like you? How will it impact your life? More importantly, would you want people like these as friends anyway? Insensitive people who are quick to judge and ridicule?

I have found what helps me is reminding myself that I too have a preference of who I like and don't like. For a long time I worried about interacting with my co-workers and always wondered what they thought of me, if they liked me, if I was behaving appropriately in each work situation. These days, I am thinking about which co-workers *I* like. And what situations can do for ME as opposed to what I can do for situations. Surprisingly enough, I have found that I like most of my co-workers, even this one girl who used to make fun of me when I blushed. I have gotten to know her, and she's cool! I have even hung out with two of my co-workers after work! (Though only once, I'm still working on hanging out with larger groups). There is one co-worker of mine who I do dislike a fair bit. She is arrogant and snobby, so I just don't talk to her that much. I don't hide from her, I just kind of ignore her because I have decided I don't like her.

My therapist has actually worked with me on this, and it sounds really stupid, but he got me to make a timeline type of thing on paper, just a horizontal line, and had me put where all my co-workers would be on the line. Far left is I totally hate them, and far right is I love them like crazy. Of course they were all somewhere in between those two extremes, but it helped me see that they aren't the only ones who are allowed to decide who they like and why. I can like certain people and dislike other people also!

Remember, you're allowed to have these feelings! Okay? Always remember that.

But yeah, you should listen to kamen and lexmark, and follow that train of thought. That is the right track, IMO

 

[Lea]

Are you Recluse actually angry at your coworkers when they treat you bad? You seem like never get angry in real life and try to please everyone. I think you should show them that you do not accept calling you names etc. Not attacking them back personally, just show where the line is. I have read your post where you are wondering why you are getting so angry in certain stressfull situations like driving a car etc. I think this is the stuck up supressed anger which you didn´t show in a situation when it was appropriate, so it has to be let off somewhere else. Btw. I also think that the condition you are in, has to do a lot with your dominant mother. Probably a psychoterapy would do you good, this site is not enough, but you need to find a good psychoterapist, not only someone who throws pills at you but will deeply analyze your situation and makes you understand yourself and your reactions better.

 

[Fairy001]

I think that when people are uncomfortanle in their own skin, it can make other people uncomfortable. If you are very shy, it makes it difficult for people to get to know you.

As for hate, that is a very strong emotion, people don't hate for no reason. I would not think you are hated, more that you may hate the way you feel or behave around people.

Most people are mainly interested in themselves, and do not give others as much thought as we may worry about.

Ideally you would engage in some therapy or interests that boost your self esteem, although I know it is not an easy thing to do.

Lastly, Marie is NOT a troll, she has a very open way of communicating.

Peace.

 

[longstrangetrip]

I definitely feel your pain, Recluse. I agree hate is a very strong word, and while there might be individuals out there so full of hate, they scarcely need a reason to unleash their venom on someone, I think those people are pretty rare, and you wouldn't want them in your life anyway.

I still so get what you mean by fearing people are talking about you and generally not fitting in. I think work situations, neighborhood, schools, etc. can be a bit "clique-ish". They form their little groups and either intentionally or unintentionally exclude others. I think just about everyone has had an experience like that, so that could be part of the problem.

Also, I've been in work environments where office politics really raised tensions and turned people against one another. Maybe someone feels threatened by you? It wouldn't necessarily be obvious, but if that's the case, people get pretty nasty when they think their livlihood is on line or someone else is getting special treatment of getting paid more.

I really hope your situation improves because I know how it feels. I've had people be downright nasty to me for no good reason, and it's very hard not to internalize that and think that you are simply unlikable. I struggle with that too. The only thing I can tell you or anyone else struggling with this (including myself) is find and treasure people who do like you, who are kind and compassionate, and limit your exposure to the ones who make you feel inadequate at least until you've made some progress tackling this troubling aspect of social anxiety disorder. I know that seems like bad advice, but I find the more time I spend around people who make me feel beneath them, whether they intend to or not, whether it's all or partially in my head or not, the anxiety intensifies and depression sets in. When I'm in a more stable period, this doesn't happen, but in times of high anxiety and social phobia, it's just a given that being around certain people too much is a bad, bad, thing for me.

 

[Marie_knowsbestt]

i understand social phobia 100%. they should re-name it paranoid personality inparticular in social situations. because thats what it is. extreme analysing of ones self in a social situation, almost as if your watching yourself from outside yourself in your enviournment and then judging yourself on every little thing you do and because your watching yourself so much, and ur minds only focused on how your percieved, and how your percieving yourself, you think everyone else is doing the same.

thing is. people are usualy so wrapped up in what their doing, that inless your screaming there not really payin attention to what your doing. inless they make a effort too ofcourse, like watching u play a game etc.

who does really know what to say when your really thinking about what to say? hardly no one. people r talking about things they are thinking about, seeing, hearing or doing. not thinking what should i say, coz then all you have to say is 'what should i say?' if that makes sense.

im not a troll. i just dont think irrational thought or stupid accosations about people hating you for no reason should be awwww'ed. they need to be delt with not wrapped up in cotton wool.

recluse - your honestly saying that people replying 'yeh i feel the same' then talking about when they've felt like crap helps? it makes u feel ur not the only one yeh understood. but thats not the question im asking. does that kind of response stop u feeling like crap tomoro? or the next day? r even next month. no because it would of helped already. im not saying i make u feel fantastic. but atleast im honest with you.

social phobia is a negative egotistical disorder. its egotistical in the sense you feel everyone around you is thinking about you and judging you. its negative because you think people are thinking and judging you badly.

 

[toothpastekisses]

.....................

 

[Marie_knowsbestt]

can see people have stopped mouthing off now. which says alot dont it really! lol

 

[Bianca]

i understand social phobia 100%.

Unless you have it you don't understand it 100%.

Another thing Marie, when you try to get your points across you should really try to not be such a condescending asshole. It makes people close their ears to what you are saying because they feel threatened.

 

[Infected_Malignity]

i understand social phobia 100%.

Unless you have it you don't understand it 100%.

Another thing Marie, when you try to get your points across you should really try to not be such a condescending asshole. It makes people close their ears to what you are saying because they feel threatened.

do you think he/she/it cares? that's the definition of a troll

 

[Fairy001]

One could say you cannot understand SA unless you have studied the cognitive processes. One could also say, as we are all different, there is no one single definition of SA. So understanding ANYTHING that is felt as opposed to seen is subjective.

Marie is not a troll, it is extremely immature and disrespectful to refer to a young lady as "It".


Peace.

 

[CK23]

I second that...She was just putting her view on the table... i mean, all of us can slip sometimes....but that shouldnt make us offensive towards the person who slipped... she deserves a chance in my opinion...

 

[Marie_knowsbestt]

i understand social phobia 100%. they should re-name it paranoid personality inparticular in social situations. because thats what it is. extreme analysing of ones self in a social situation, almost as if your watching yourself from outside yourself in your enviournment and then judging yourself on every little thing you do and because your watching yourself so much, and ur minds only focused on how your percieved, and how your percieving yourself, you think everyone else is doing the same.

thing is. people are usualy so wrapped up in what their doing, that inless your screaming there not really payin attention to what your doing. inless they make a effort too ofcourse, like watching u play a game etc.

who does really know what to say when your really thinking about what to say? hardly no one. people r talking about things they are thinking about, seeing, hearing or doing. not thinking what should i say, coz then all you have to say is 'what should i say?' if that makes sense.

im not a troll. i just dont think irrational thought or stupid accosations about people hating you for no reason should be awwww'ed. they need to be delt with not wrapped up in cotton wool.

recluse - your honestly saying that people replying 'yeh i feel the same' then talking about when they've felt like crap helps? it makes u feel ur not the only one yeh understood. but thats not the question im asking. does that kind of response stop u feeling like crap tomoro? or the next day? r even next month. no because it would of helped already. im not saying i make u feel fantastic. but atleast im honest with you.

social phobia is a negative egotistical disorder. its egotistical in the sense you feel everyone around you is thinking about you and judging you. its negative because you think people are thinking and judging you badly.

i really dont see what was offensive in this post? i didnt call u any names, or even slander SA? hmmm strange.
anyways. good luck with ur work colleuges recluse.

 

[faithnomore]

i understand social phobia 100%.

Unless you have it you don't understand it 100%.

Another thing Marie, when you try to get your points across you should really try to not be such a condescending asshole. It makes people close their ears to what you are saying because they feel threatened.

do you think he/she/it cares? that's the definition of a troll

There wasn't any maliciousness. In my opinion you lot want to have a go at someone to take some frustration out, so you have a go at "marieknowsbest".

Its better to actually chat and reply like "marieknowsbest" than to not reply very much. This is a forum after all...

 

[Argamemnon]

social phobia is a negative egotistical disorder. its egotistical in the sense you feel everyone around you is thinking about you and judging you. its negative because you think people are thinking and judging you badly.

You know, I'm not even sure about that.. it might as well have a biological or genetical cause.. who knows?

 

[Marie_knowsbestt]

this is something im hoping to find out, to what extent things r biological or cognitive. as things stand atm i feel things such as SA start from cognitive, but im not sure. im studying atm, so maybe in 10 years i can answer that fully! lol.

and yeh alot of people on here give me abuse coz 'im not one of them' im 'outgoing' folk...so makes sense to start on me. i dont mind tbh lol.

 

[Argamemnon]

One thing is for certain though, at least in my case; social isolation makes everything much much worse. I really think much less people would suffer from mental illness if they had enough close friends and more social contact in general. But I'm not talking about superficial human contact.

 

[recluse]

Are there certain people you feel very uneasy around? For me it's builders and 'blokes', like men you can tell are a bit rough. I've had a few times where i'm sure builders were laughing at me 8O its bizzare. Maybe they were laughing then turned to look at me, making it seem that way. Could be my paranoid mind at work.

Me too! I find macho looking men much more intimidating. I feel more comfortable with nerdy looking men.

 

[recluse]

I do agree with what marie was saying that moaning about my problem will get me nowhere, i just can't find a solution to my problem though.

 

[Marie_knowsbestt]

how old r u if u dont mind me asking recluse?

i think in order to help yourself. you need to work out exactly:

where your SA started? was it a particular event? a certain change in your life?

what is it exactly that makes you get edgy in social situations? what are your thoughts in your head when this happens? and what does it make you wanna do?

i think in order to come through things such as SA, you have to forget all the SA events of the past, like example last week when u felt on edge in tesco's and just look foward treat every new event like its the first time its happened, ur not gonna feel 100% comfortable with yourself over night, it sometimes takes years, but keeping that in mind is key to stuff like this, its called forgiving urself for making mistakes.

also just advice from my own expereince - amoungst all of this dont try to get on with everyone because you have something to proove. if you dont like someone, then u just dont like em! dont feel theres a need to get on with them or if you dont theres something wrong with you, its natural to have some people that u just dunno wot to talk about with! awkwards silences arent just limited to SA sufferers! lol.

the hole point in this process is to find out where u feel comfortable, like whats true to you and to stay true to you, to eliminate SA is not to be always happy, lively and sociable, its to be these things where u feel like doing it naturally, and still bein miserable where u feel comfortable too!

i think alot of you suffer from i wanna be happy and i want it now syndrome. truth is no ones always happy, but people should feel natural. and thats what its about.

sorry long post ay!!!

 

[Argamemnon]

truth is no ones always happy, but people should feel natural. and thats what its about.

I don't know how to say, but when I try to feel natural, I seem to get more anxious. It's as if I'm losing control and showing my weakness and awkwardness. I feel like people wouldn't like my natural state, while the opposite is probably true, and yet I can't help it.. :?