Constantly comparing myself to others

WishingICould

WishingICould

Well-known member
I can't bring myself to make meaningful new friends, and I don't know why. I'm too scared, too stupid, too insecure, and too lazy to keep up with them, maybe? I don't know. It's so difficult being around people my own age because theyre all living it up, making the best of their lives, having fun and creating the glory days theyre all going to talk about when theyre older and settled down. I'm 25 years old, and yet I live and feel like an 80 year old. I should be out having fun, laughing and making memories to last a lifetime with other people, and here I am just letting it all go to waste. I want to change, I want to be more social, I want to be less anxious, more relaxed, less depressed, more confident, less critical of myself.. sigh. I'm tired of always feeling so bitter and jealous of everyone around me, thinking about how much better and more fufilling their lives are compared to mine. I want to be HAPPY for them, their achievements and success in life and yet I find myself secretly hoping that all their success will come crashing down on them. Most of all I want to be happy with myself. If I could just be happy with myself then I'm sure this whole "life" thing would be so much easier..
 
squidgee

squidgee

Well-known member
Same here. Always feeling envious of other people's ability to interact with others so easily. Outside of school, I'm pretty much a hermit, doing my own thing at home. I can't help but feel sad whenever my older brother goes out with friends or something because I can't help but make comparisons between my life and his. Even at school, its not that different. At lunchtime and recess, I just read or study at the library and the few friends I have (more like study partners), I never really engage with in conversation or anything. I remember I used to be more sociable and more confident, but that's all gone now and I have no idea what happened.
 
DeadmanWalking

DeadmanWalking

Well-known member
Well, if you want to become happy with yourself, do some things that'll make you proud of yourself, "trophies" you can hang inside of your mind. It doesn't have to be big; it can be small. For example, I mentioned this in another thread, but I'm becoming good at this game I'm playing; as a child, I was horrible at playing fighting games and I feared that I would always suck at them. But, with effort and determination, I've continually gotten better; that's my trophy, proving to myself that I can beat my weaknesses:).

If you're scared about going out, push yourself to go outside, even if it's only on the porch. Just dedicate some time out of your life to standing outside and watching the world and taking in the sights. Then you can move on to going out for walks and so on and so forth. You can do it:).

Just don't compare yourself to others because you're not them. You haven't had the same story as them and you have a different way of approaching and confronting problems. Instead, notice others' achievements and push yourself to become as great and/or greater than them.
 
Opaline

Opaline

1
It's not an uncommon feeling for those who have social phobia. You miss out on things and never feel good enough and so you become bitter because your social and emotional needs aren't being met. I can relate completely.

Have you ever seen a professional about this? If not, it's worth a try. I know everyone says that, but it really can be a big help. Some people find nothing changes, but you won't know until you try.

Don't give up. Small steps. Maybe make a list of goals you want to achieve over a certain period of time, and work on one thing per month.

I also find this blog to be VERY inspiring. It's not for social anxiety but it can help anyone who is stuck in a rut:

http://zenhabits.net/start/

Hope you feel better.
 
cowboyup

cowboyup

Well-known member
Opaline said:
I also find this blog to be VERY inspiring. It's not for social anxiety but it can help anyone who is stuck in a rut:

Start Here : zenhabits
Click to expand...

@Opaline. I know about zenhabits as well. I get their newsletter thingie:)

@ OP. yes, I know that feeling all too well. I used to be terrible at comparing myself to others but I am getting better at it, little by little. I just have to keep remembering that I am not them/they are not me kind of thinking and just take baby steps. Also, remembering how it made me feel when I did compare myself to others was incredibly horrible and I really don't want to feel like that.

Though today, I did have a bit of a slip up with regards to my homework because it was this 'accomplishment-knowing yourself-strengths-weakness' assignment and I admit I had a temporary meltdown - similar to that of a toddler I'm sorry to say :(
 
J

jc972

1
Wow, I can relate to this! I hate going places! Well I hate going places where other people are, I can be out in the woods all day and all night and be completely o.k.. At work I choose not to socialize with the others, even on the weekends I'd rather be in the garage or on the porch-anything away from people. I understand. I agree with the other post though, setting small goals and small trophies. Sounds like an awesome idea to me.
 
U

ukmale

Well-known member
I'm so much the same ... Even when I have friends I feel everything they tell me about how amazing there life is . Is just to rub it in my face look on facebook to see pics of amazing lifes I wish I had so depressing
 
IntheLabyrinth

IntheLabyrinth

Well-known member
ukmale said:
I'm so much the same ... Even when I have friends I feel everything they tell me about how amazing there life is . Is just to rub it in my face look on facebook to see pics of amazing lifes I wish I had so depressing
Click to expand...

Don't believe what you read on Facebook. They are only giving you the tip of the iceberg. It's like seeing the beginning of a pharmaceutical ad, but changing the channel before all of the side effects part. Granted they may have a better social life than us, they still have problems.

As for the original post, I completely agree. After joining this forum, I have been rereading my anxiety and phobia workbook, and I finally feel like I can change. The one thing I have discovered that I didn't in the past is that it is going to be a long process but that I have to be consistent and work on it (CBT in particular, meditation, etc...) everyday. I used to expect to quick of a fix. My point in all this digression is that my so called glory days (32) may be behind me, but changing now would still be just as sweet. So not living the life you want until your 26 or 27 or even 28 will be still be wonderful.
 
PGT

PGT

Well-known member
DeadmanWalking said:
Well, if you want to become happy with yourself, do some things that'll make you proud of yourself, "trophies" you can hang inside of your mind. It doesn't have to be big; it can be small. For example, I mentioned this in another thread, but I'm becoming good at this game I'm playing; as a child, I was horrible at playing fighting games and I feared that I would always suck at them. But, with effort and determination, I've continually gotten better; that's my trophy, proving to myself that I can beat my weaknesses:).

If you're scared about going out, push yourself to go outside, even if it's only on the porch. Just dedicate some time out of your life to standing outside and watching the world and taking in the sights. Then you can move on to going out for walks and so on and so forth. You can do it:).

Just don't compare yourself to others because you're not them. You haven't had the same story as them and you have a different way of approaching and confronting problems. Instead, notice others' achievements and push yourself to become as great and/or greater than them.
Click to expand...

This is kind of the way I do things. Small steps. Making a change in your life is not easy but its not impossible either.
 
Barrier

Barrier

Well-known member
I feel the same way, entirely! I don't know how to accept myself when I don't like myself. Deep down I still want to be someone else, no idea who, but not me.
 
springk

springk

Well-known member
^^ Yes thats is a good advice. Small steps . It really dont matter if you dont achieve big goals at once; one can always try to take even small steps towards the goal.

Should follow what i just wrote haha.
 
Xervello

Xervello

Well-known member
*Stands next to WIC so she can see just how much more awesome and exciting she is*

Compared to me, hon, you're a partay animal. My life is as uneventful as they come, but for the most part I'm still a happy-go-lucky goofball. Find your inner dork within, girly, and from there you'll find the humor in this black comedy we call life. From there you might find a little bit of happiness. It may not be everything you want right now, but it's a start.
 
P

pnr

Active member
I compare myself to others too.

But it's NBA players (pro basketball). So u can c how depressing it can be 4 me. LOL.
 
S

spearhunter

Well-known member
I used to compare myself to others, but i realized that that thoughts process fueled my SA.Comparing ourselves to others is a good way to fuel your SA because you always think that others are better then you in the way they act and behave.
 
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