Confidence?

Sinar_Matahari

Well-known member
#1
I've been thinking about confidence lately and how overrated it has become. I started searching the Internet for articles that would reflect how I've begun to feel about confidence and why I would sometimes rather appear insecure and be honest than appear sure of myself and be disingenuous. I find that this is something which most people can't appreciate so I decided to share this with people who understand.

Confidence is overrated | EccentricSiren on Xanga
 
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userremoved

Guest
#3
"It's great to encourage people, but we sacrifice honesty in the process. And in the absence of honesty, no one knows the truth anymore."

I like this. I was thinking this very same thing when told that I should fake confidence in certain things. The very same dudes are just as troubled as me but they put on the facade that they are something different. Making us all look like liars.
 

coyote

Well-known member
#4
the pretense of confidence out of insecurity isn't really confidence at all

true confidence is being okay with allowing people to see that you're insecure
 

Sinar_Matahari

Well-known member
#8
I'm glad that you guys like the article. I particularly like the comments at the bottom. My whole outlook on confidence has evolved and it's not simply due to this article. I have to admit it has helped strengthen my opinion.
 
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Beatrice

Guest
#9
Hahaha. I like the part in the article about how "insecure" is the favorite insult lately. Someone doesn't like you? Well, it's obviously because they're insecure! lol

Good link. Very good points too. So someone has some self-esteem issues? So what? Guess what? EVERYONE DOES!!! In some area of even the most confident person's life, he or she is going to have some doubt, some *gasp* INSECURITY! Oh my god, call the personality police! (or.... something).

Honestly. I'm just going to stop paying any mind to any type of insult, negative criticism, snark, bitchiness.... whatever comes my way. Okay, so maybe I should have done that a long time ago, and easier said than done, but... When you are able to fully realize how little it matters and how most if it just isn't true.... it's quite liberating.

For example, someone once called me fat, and honestly...... I genuinely found it amusing because it is clearly untrue (I weigh 108 pounds, and that's high for me.... I was 103 earlier this year).

Sorry, getting off track. Liked the link, and yeah, people need to get over this confidence craze. I'm sick of arrogant douchebags and I'm sick of people with self-image issues feeling even worse because of them.
 

Solitudes_Grace

Well-known member
#10
I do not understand. Confidence is important. Not having confidence makes us weak. Seems like the article is just trying to glorify a personality flaw to me.
 
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userremoved

Guest
#11
I do not understand. Confidence is important. Not having confidence makes us weak. Seems like the article is just trying to glorify a personality flaw to me.
Everybody lacks confidence in something. The whole point was that people put TOO much emphasis on it to the point that if you lack confidence in something that makes you less than others somehow. I was in my Japanese class the other day and when we had to give our oral presentations, people were up there, hands trembling, voices quavering and generally looking uncomfortable. Most likely because they lacked confidence in their performances up there. But it would be wrong for me to look down on them because they aren't perfectly sure of themselves in every possible way.
 

Solitudes_Grace

Well-known member
#12
Everybody lacks confidence in something. The whole point was that people put TOO much emphasis on it to the point that if you lack confidence in something that makes you less than others somehow. I was in my Japanese class the other day and when we had to give our oral presentations, people were up there, hands trembling, voices quavering and generally looking uncomfortable. Most likely because they lacked confidence in their performances up there. But it would be wrong for me to look down on them because they aren't perfectly sure of themselves in every possible way.
I am not saying that those who lack confidence in a particular situation are somehow less valuable than others. I just think that confidence is a desirable personality trait. Those students in your class would have felt much better about themselves if they had more confidence in themselves. Almost everyone who visits this website suffers form a lack of confidence. If we all actually had confidence and believed in ourselves, we would not have social anxiety. Confidence is something every human being should always strive towards. I realize that the arrogance is the extreme opposite of having no confidence, and we must always strive to avoid arrogance in the same way that we strive to avoid having no confidence in ourselves. Self-confidence between the extremes of no confidence and arrogance is extremely important. We should never write self-confidence off as unnecessary.
 
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userremoved

Guest
#13
I didnt get the impression from the article that it was saying that self confidence was unnecessary or that lack of it was desirable. Just that people put such a bad stigma on lack of confidence that it forces people to fake confidence just to avoid being ostracized. But yeah you should always strive to feel better about yourself. Just make sure its feel confidence and not a mask with just the desire to be accepted.
 

Sinar_Matahari

Well-known member
#15
I've come to realize that the one thing which has benefited me more than confidence is courage. I have succeeded at times when I was insecure. Courage was the driving force behind this. Now I'm not saying that confidence is useless. I simply want my confidence to be genuine and not an act implemented to deceive others into valuing me.
 

redmatter

Well-known member
#17
the pretense of confidence out of insecurity isn't really confidence at all

true confidence is being okay with allowing people to see that you're insecure
I agree, unfortunately it's all dictated by mob rule. That is, if you have a fake personality, but it works in the group then confidence can be a complete sham. These people are generally shallow, the type that can't live and let live - and when they act like bleeding hearts it's just an act but g-pop support them.

Showing real insecurity is abused and trashed if you can't pretend and fit in. It's a joke, but I couldn't agree with your statement more.
 
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redmatter

Well-known member
#18
I've come to realize that the one thing which has benefited me more than confidence is courage. I have succeeded at times when I was insecure. Courage was the driving force behind this. Now I'm not saying that confidence is useless. I simply want my confidence to be genuine and not an act implemented to deceive others into valuing me.
Ha, this is brilliant, because I've actually said this to myriad people who had no problem telling me I have no confidence. I don't have confidence about my social life, I have no clue as to what people need from me, so who would? I have other reasons not to be confident, but people think it's OK to lock me out on every level because of them, so again who would have confidence? Now that I no longer want to participate in the losing game, it's just another excuse to knock my "confidence" level into the ground. What they can't see though is that real confidence can be generated by making steps to live your own life by using your own thoughts, even if that means risking your own life.
 

coyote

Well-known member
#19
I agree, unfortunately it's all dictated by mob rule. That is, if you have a fake personality, but it works in the group then confidence can be a complete sham. These people are generally shallow, the type that can't live and let live - and when they act like bleeding hearts it's just an act but g-pop support them.

Showing real insecurity is abused and trashed if you can't pretend and fit in. It's a joke, but I couldn't agree with your statement more.
dude, you gotta find a better class of people to hang with
 

redmatter

Well-known member
#20
dude, you gotta find a better class of people to hang with
Man, we're (I am) talking about people in general. Family, "friends," a personality and anxiety "disorder," it's not that easy... I put disorder in quotes because I like to say it's logic and reason in an otherwise insane world. The way you say find other people to hang out with as if it's a simple thing is a bit odd especially on this site. There must be a gigantic difference between social anxiety and Asperger's, I don't know. I find most people tend to lack class, or join in with the group. Maybe that's it, when you don't fit as everyone does this kind of thing can create a vortex or black hole.
 
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