Confidence?

JamesSmith

Well-known member
Finally, someone says it. I've been complaining about this topic on these same forums for the past couple of years.

"You gotta have more confidence."<----Ugh, the ultimate shaming tactic. It always works for the person who says it too. It's such a broad statement. People have told me this before, something like "You have to be confident to get what you want," or "girls like confidence."

I mean, if someone is going to tell me this, I wish they would be more specific about what they are saying. The writer of the article did an excellent job of bringing up points such as 'people can't be confident in all parts of life.' And it's so true. You know, I think it takes a real confident person, a person who is confident in themselves, to admit that they don't know. As the writer of the article said, that is honest, as opposed acting like you know what to do when you really don't know what to do is lying in a sense.

I've had some moments in my life where people have told to me to say something, when I had nothing to say. I think this is the biggest problem, at least for shy people like me. You know, we don't have to say something all the time. It's okay to not know what to say. This is a problem with society in general: So much of society believes that you always need to have something to say.

What's funny is these same people who think people should always have something to say, talk too much, and they wind up saying insulting and rude things when they should have just kept their trap shut (some of these people are really bad, and often say rude and obnoxious things, I'm sure you've met them).

I think much of society doesn't understand the value of honesty, kindness and humbleness anymore. It seems the person who speaks the loudest and most often is often the person who is the most popular person....whether what they say is rude, kind, honest, lies or of any value at all.
 
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B

Beatrice

Guest
"You gotta have more confidence."<----Ugh, the ultimate shaming tactic. It always works for the person who says it too.

Yeah, in the same vein, I had someone say to me, "Don't be so sensitive." Riiiiiight, as if all that takes is a decision and snap of my fingers. Thanks for that enlightening advice, I don't what I would have done without it! :rolleyes::mad:
 

redmatter

Well-known member
Yeah, in the same vein, I had someone say to me, "Don't be so sensitive." Riiiiiight, as if all that takes is a decision and snap of my fingers. Thanks for that enlightening advice, I don't what I would have done without it! :rolleyes::mad:
These are tactics others use to not feel. I assure you, they can feel.
 

redmatter

Well-known member
I think much of society doesn't understand the value of honesty, kindness and humbleness anymore. It seems the person who speaks the loudest and most often is often the person who is the most popular person....whether what they say is rude, kind, honest, lies or of any value at all.
Yes, this is true. The other ones stay quiet and let it happen, as long as they fit in they stay quiet and let these folks do or say anything they please.
 

Sinar_Matahari

Well-known member
I'm happy that this all makes sense to some people and I hope that reading it has helped you all feel a bit more relieved. We may be flawed, but not as flawed as we (or others) may think. ;) There is hope for us.

There is something else that I have been meaning to share with you. Just recently, I had an idea which I thought would improve an issue we've been having at work. I made a list of the little problems we are having which contribute to the greater problem. Then I made a list of suggestions that could solve these specific issues. I felt very confident in my idea and decided to pass it on to the boss. Now although I was confident in my idea I found the thought of telling my boss anxiety provoking!

Anyway, I decided to leave a letter and my list of suggestions on my boss' desk (I later felt
stupid for not simply having emailed it to him. Feelings which I had to shush up quick lest I would dwell on them forever.) This proved challenging for a number of reasons. My main
problem, one which I have never been comfortable admitting to, is that I lack self-confidence to
the point where I will allow myself to feel insecure about my own actions feelings, and opinions if
others do not like or agree with them. I do not place enough faith in myself to stand by what I
believe. The times I do stand by what I believe I still feel tempted to second guess myself. I have to fight off those nagging feelings.

So....I fought the temptation to retrieve my letter from my boss' office and told myself that although there was always a chance that a flaw may be found in my plan, the worse that could happen was that my idea would not be considered or adopted. I kept faith and stood by my idea even if I knew I could be shot down. Of course I was mostly expecting it to be... which it was...by the assistant manager. However, later that week, my boss replied to me via email stating that there would be some changes in our department and that one of those changes would involve my suggestions! I'm still tempted to read over that email just in case I read it wrong. The good thing is that I did not lose confidence in my idea even if it was shot down the first time around. Now I'm just worried that everyone will hate me for having created extra work. Lol
 
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Sinar_Matahari

Well-known member
There are times when I tell myself that I'll never be of any real use anywhere. That I can never make anything out of myself. Those thoughts seem so real and can be very difficult to challenge. I beat myself up still and often feel flawed, but I know that I have to keep going and that I have to survive. I remind myself that I can. I just have to muster up the courage. This can be hard to do after a lifetime of fear.
 
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