Common similarities amoung SAers

[powerfulthoughts]

Has anybody else noticed that there seem to be some common similarities amoungst people with SA? Here's a few I've noticed already;

1. The youngest child
2. Appear younger than actual age
3. overprotective mother
4. Good student/ teachers pet

Are there any others?

1. I have 5 siblings, with 1 brother younger than me.
2. Yes, I have been told this often.
3. Yes. The irrationality of my mother is very disturbing regarding this one.
4. No. I was not a good student, but I appeared to be. I was so quiet and in the shadows that everyone assumed I was there only to do my work and get straight A's. That was not true though. I never caused any trouble and did everything the teachers said, so I guess you can call me a teacher's pet.

Extra: No cats. I hate cats.

 

[meatcake]

The youngest child - yes, my brother is 2 years older. and he's way more outgoing
Appear younger than actual age - yes, apparently by 10+ years. when i was younger it was annoying, but now it's okay.
Over-protective mother - yes - but fortunately our dad let us go do crazy things, like bmx bikes. so many bloody cuts, heh.
Good student/teacher's pet - yes, because i was terrified when my dad got mad at me if i didn't do well. he'd go ballistic and say i wasn't trying.
Have cats - i love cats - i need to get one soon! youtube videos of cats are not enough!
Underachiever - i have so many interests i haven't been able to apply myself to any single thing to achieve much. plus anxiety and depression and SA really drain your energy.

 

[oNecoOlazN]

6. have dogs

 

[worrywort]

hmm.....a lot of people are the eldest child! that's interesting! I wonder how many people are middle children? Or whether, of those who are the eldest child, your second oldest sibling is more than 6-7 years younger than you?...i.e. as the saying goes, "give me the child until he is seven and I will show you the man". Maybe the eldest child feels more pressure, or maybe they're smothered more by their parents....or maybe it's totally unrelated?!

I'm actually number 4 of 6! but my two younger sisters are more than 8 years younger than me, so for the most part of my childhood I was the youngest....therefore I was the butt of most of the jokes growing up! I think also having two older brothers meant that they'd used up all the testosterone and so I came out kind of girly and babyfaced! lol! [I don't know if that theory's true!]....and then with my mum always sticking up for me, I don't think I ever learnt to defend myself properly.

The good student thing I figured might have something to do with perfectionism. I wonder, of those who say they're underachievers, would you say you're still perfectionists? Maybe underachieving is a result or symptom of SA whereas perfectionism is more of a cause?!

anywho.....here's another possible.

7. non conformist

I wonder if this could be a cause sometimes. I HATE peer pressure, and don't like doing things just because everybody else is doing it! anyone else?

 

[lurknomore]

hmm.....a lot of people are the eldest child! that's interesting! I wonder how many people are middle children? Or whether, of those who are the eldest child, your second oldest sibling is more than 6-7 years younger than you?...i.e. as the saying goes, "give me the child until he is seven and I will show you the man". Maybe the eldest child feels more pressure, or maybe they're smothered more by their parents....or maybe it's totally unrelated?!

I'm actually number 4 of 6! but my two younger sisters are more than 8 years younger than me, so for the most part of my childhood I was the youngest....therefore I was the butt of most of the jokes growing up! I think also having two older brothers meant that they'd used up all the testosterone and so I came out kind of girly and babyfaced! lol! [I don't know if that theory's true!]....and then with my mum always sticking up for me, I don't think I ever learnt to defend myself properly.

You know, this whole thread got me thinking about whether a lot of middle children get SA or not- because it does seem to be a lot of oldest/youngest children that have it- just looking at the replies here. I actually read a book years back on birth order- and it seems to make sense here as well.

First borns/only children tend to be over-achievers/perfectionists- they have only their parents to look up to and get the brunt of their hopes/aspirations, and feel the need to constantly achieve to get attention. First borns can also get a "defeated" personality- because if they don't achieve, they could feel worthless and like they'll never measure up and quit trying.

Youngest children tend to be the little "prince" or "princess" of the family, and are typically hams that usually try to entertain people to get the attention they crave. This could be trouble if they are unable to get this attention, or they get the wrong kind of attention or negative feedback when they try to assert themselves.

Middle children often feel out of place in the family- forgotten about and unable to compete. They often look outside the family unit for attention and companionship. They also tend to be good mediators, and can be good at reading people. It seems that this could be why we may not see many of them with SA- because from an early age they were naturally interacting with the outside world rather than keeping to themselves or within the family unit.

Large gaps between children can start the process over again- a 7-8 year difference could create a new "first-born" type personality in the new child- and the next oldest could still pretty much keep their youngest born traits. There is also the possibility that you have two first borns- a first born male and first born female- this happened in my mom's family- her brother is 3 years older than she is, but they both have first-born personalities because back then (and perhaps still now) different things were expected from girls than from boys.

These are just generalizations though, and I think that some people may be able to have mixed traits as well- so I'm not saying that this would predict exactly how a person will behave. There are other mitigating factors as well, such as the type of parents you have, and cultural and environmental influences as well.

The book is called "The Birth Order Book: Why you are the way you are" by Dr. Kevin Leman if anyone is interested. It has a Christian slant, but I think is still overall a very interesting read.

 

[worrywort]

The book is called "The Birth Order Book: Why you are the way you are" by Dr. Kevin Leman if anyone is interested.

Thanks lurknomore, I think I might check that book out! I find all this stuff so interesting. I also read that the third child is often a trouble maker or black sheep of the family. Dunno if its true, but it's definitely the case in my family.

anyway, just to recap, here are some possible common similarities we have so far

1. youngest or eldest child [rarely middle child]
2. Appear younger than actual age
3. Overprotective mother [or could be any guardian figure that defends you, therefore preventing you from learning how to defend yourself]

The good student trait I'm not sure about. I think it may have something to do with perfectionism. Or possibly having a mathematical/logical/all or nothing/black or white type of brain. So I think there are 4 more traits I'd be interested to see whether they're common amoungst SAers or not

4. Perfectionist?
5. Mathematical/all or nothing type of brain?
6. Non-conformist?
7. control freak?

this last set of similarities I think are more likely to be symptoms than causes but they're still interesting none the less!

8. have cats or dogs
9. unemployed or on disability
10. underachieving

p.s. number 2. is definitely a weird one though right?!

 

[anomicdeer]

yes I have actually notice that today, and its weird....(the list of things you said.. most of them apply to me. all but the last too... my mom just get on my nerves sometimes)

 

[cookie cutter]

Has anybody else noticed that there seem to be some common similarities amoungst people with SA? Here's a few I've noticed already;

1. The youngest child
2. Appear younger than actual age
3. overprotective mother
4. Good student/ teachers pet

Are there any others?

Cute thread. But I'm the oldest, I look my age or perhaps older, my mother was not particularly overprotective and my teachers tended to dislike me - I was too much of a goody-goody, even for them ...

 

[cookie cutter]

You know, this whole thread got me thinking about whether a lot of middle children get SA or not- because it does seem to be a lot of oldest/youngest children that have it- just looking at the replies here. I actually read a book years back on birth order- and it seems to make sense here as well.

Does SPW believe in polls?

 

[lurknomore]

Does SPW believe in polls?

Well, I was kind of actually thinking of making one- maybe it could even be the next main page poll- might get the most responses that way. I just know that the person who normally posts those likes for them to be up for a certain amount of time before the new one is introduced- so I don't want to cut the current one off.

 

[Ericisme]

Where do I fit?

1. A loser
2. 0 real life friends
3. Never finished in a real school
4. No life

I don't know, I expected people more like me, kinda. Not... basically... normal people who are a little more shy than most people. Constant talks about real life friends, about being in college, about being in a relationship, etc. Hmm, I think I took a wrong turn at the garbage can. *jumps in the garbage can to hide*

 

[madmike]

Yeah, i blame my mum. Damn her for being such a great mum lol!

 

[meatcake]

Hmm, I think I took a wrong turn at the garbage can. *jumps in the garbage can to hide*

Hey, alright, another person in the garbage can! There's a great party going on down there.

 

[bagota50]

1. youngest or eldest child - I was also raised in an "only child" environment technically however, I am the youngest child.

2. Appear younger than actual age- It depends whether I shave or not.

3. Overprotective mother [or could be any guardian figure that defends you, therefore preventing you from learning how to defend yourself]
Sort of. I wasn't "Wrapped in cotton wool" but I wasn't taught many of the skills needed to fend for myself in the world.

4. Perfectionist? Not me, I'm sort of an underachiever.

5. Mathematical/all or nothing type of brain? Yes.

6. Non-conformist? Not in the "emo" sense of the word, proclaiming to be a non-conformist while the act of doing so is actually conforming.
I don't tend to bow to the "party line" so to speak.

7. control freak? I'm not assertive enough to be one.

8. have cats or dog- Have had both, and have a fondness for both.
They replace intimate relationships to me, dogs are blindly stupidly loyal, cats are more independent, and atleast they don't B.S you, like some humans do.

9. unemployed or on disability- Currently yes.::

10. underachieving yes, most likely due to my depression.

Another thing I would like to add to these is, at least to my perception, lurking and posting on S.A related boards. Is that people that suffer from S.A seem to be intelligent, usually.

 

[princess_haru]

3. Never finished in a real school

Yep, I didn't finish school either. I left at 15 and was sent to what they used to call an EOTAS unit (stands for education other than at school) where they dumped all the troublesome kids who were having problems in their lives and not coping with mainstream education. They've changed the name of the units now, I'm not sure what to though. My brother ended up going there too, a couple of years after I did. What's your story, if you don't mind me being nosy?

 

[worrywort]

Another thing I would like to add to these is, at least to my perception, lurking and posting on S.A related boards. Is that people that suffer from S.A seem to be intelligent, usually.

aaah yea, that's a really good one! I'd be really curious to see whether there is a connection between SA and intelligence. I'll add it to the list!

 

[Oscelot]

1. Youngest and oldest.
2. No.
3. Yes.
4. No.
5. No.
6. No.
7. Yes.
8. No.
9. Yes.
10. Yes.
11. Yes.
12. Yes.

I think #3 may have a strong connection to social phobia.

 

[princess_haru]

aaah yea, that's a really good one! I'd be really curious to see whether there is a connection between SA and intelligence. I'll add it to the list!

I have to say I've noticed that people here generally make far more effort to write coherent, thoughtful posts than people do on sites like facebook and myspace. A lot of what you get on the net tends to look like the result of a drugged-up fight between two crazed keyboards with half their keys missing. That only ever happens here when we get the occasional troll with a fetish for exclamation marks and RANDOm USE of tEH SHift Key!!!!!! ::

 

[worrywort]

I have to say I've noticed that people here generally make far more effort to write coherent, thoughtful posts than people do on sites like facebook and myspace. A lot of what you get on the net tends to look like the result of a drugged-up fight between two crazed keyboards with half their keys missing. That only ever happens here when we get the occasional troll with a fetish for exclamation marks and RANDOm USE of tEH SHift Key!!!!!! ::

lol! yea I've noticed that too!....a friend of mine, whos mum works in mental health, once told me that depression and mental illness are more common amoung people of high IQ's.....but then I just googled "link mental illness intelligence", and some of the results say the opposite is true! so I'm not sure about this one. I definitely value wisdom a lot though....I'd rather be enlightened and depressed than ignorant and happy.

i think?!

 

[N04h]

1. The youngest child [EDIT: or eldest child (rarely middle child)]
only

2. Appear younger than actual age
not sure

3. overprotective mother [EDIT: or guardian]
sometimes

4. Good student/ teachers pet
used to be

5. Perfectionist?
sometimes

6. Mathematical/all or nothing type of brain?
I did maths up to 2nd year at uni

7. Non-conformist?
yes

8. control freak?
no

9. intelligent?
well I have an MSc so probably

10. have cats or dogs?
used to

11. unemployed or on disability?
no have been working for 2 months

12. underachieving?
???