Casual conversations. Chit-chat. Smalltalk.

[tooshytosay]

These things are the bane of my life.

I just don't know HOW to chit-chat. I don't know HOW to smalltalk. I don't know HOW to have... a casual conversation.

I can't think of what to say. What is appropriate to say. What to say at that particular moment.

It's even harder when you're with more than one person, because generally the other 2 or more people will go on having a completely fluid, well-flowing conversation. How on earth are you supposed to break-in and contribute without it becoming very awkward and untimely?

Also, I can easily have "asocial" conversations where the point of the conversation is not the conversation itself, but in "purely" sending/receiving factual information. For example - with colleagues at work, I can easily have a "conversation" about purely "official/factual work-related matters". But stray from that to talking about "small/trivial things" or other more "personal/social" things - and I am immediately lost.

The irony of life of course, is that people "like" talking about these latter things MUCH moreso than the aforementioned "pure information exchange".

It's just painful to be that extremely quiet guy who never engages in casual conversation, and who only manages to answer monosyllabically when asked questions. I wish I could have a free-flowing banter with people, with anyone; but I just can't. I just don't know how. That "magic of conversation", which everyone seems to be "born with", seems to be missing from me...

 

[NothingElseMatters]

That "magic of conversation", which everyone seems to be "born with", seems to be missing from me...

I have to say that i can totally relate to what you are saying.You are not the only one who can't have a normal conversation and there is nothing more awkward and freaky than sitting with a person or a group of ppl and not knowing what to say.I have been in those awkward moments so many times.

But there is no such thing as magic of conversation and noone is born with it.conversation is a skill and it can be learned and most ppl who know how to make small talk have learned it through their experiences and not because it's in their genes.

it gives me hope to think this way because it means i am not doomed!+there r so many books about conversational skills that can give you ideas of things to talk about and you don't even have to buy them anymore(download,download,download)

 

[sabbath9]

I've read that introverts are interested in deeper conversations. This is true for me, I'm not really interested in chit chat with strangers. I'll have small talk with some co-workers but I'm not really at ease doing so. With family and friends casual conversion is easier and more enjoyable.

Chatting online is a great way to practice small talk. Jump into the chatbox and just talk about whatever you want.

 

[NothingElseMatters]

I've read that introverts are interested in deeper conversations. This is true for me, I'm not really interested in chit chat with strangers. I'll have small talk with some co-workers but I'm not really at ease doing so. With family and friends casual conversion is easier and more enjoyable.

Chatting online is a great way to practice small talk. Jump into the chatbox and just talk about whatever you want.

exactly at the same time!we are working on the same frequency::

 

[Flowers-Of-Bloom]

I'm terrible at small-talk too... Maybe that's because I don't really have a life to talk about. I don't know. I'm not able to keep up a conversation if the topic is rather bland or new to me. I can freely talk if I know my way around the topic and/or if there is a disagreement/sharing of opinions. But otherwise I'm completely hopeless with smalltalk, so I find it really hard to make friends.

Sucks to be us, right?

 

[WelshOne]

I have the same problem. I just cant think of responses to most "small talk" type comments in conversation.

I bought a book about conversation a few months ago, but strangely Im hesitant to start reading it (almost nervous about it!) Im hoping it will help me though.

 

[Noca]

As long as I got either ritalin or addy in me I can manage to talk without much trouble.

 

[Nabu]

I have same (none) conversation skill since my childhood.

It is frustrating not to make any progress. I'm 34 years old and I doubt that I can work this out :-(

 

[fauxleigh]

People generally toward nicely to me but everytime I have to made up some excuses to get out of the conversation because I have no idea what to say.

 

[AdamWest]

I know what you mean, lately I've been trying to be more social, even if I'm an introvert I'd still like the ability to have a conversation. In a crowd I never know when to jump in, and if I do I half stutter/blurt out/talk real awkwardly, and if it's one on one, I try to keep a conversation going, but it's so obvious how socially inept I am, the conversation feels so faked and strained, and after a minute dies out.

I'd even be willing to have the SA if I could just have conversation skills at least.

 

[rosewood]

I can't stand chit chat casual conversations.

Me: Oh, Hi, How are you?
Them: Good, Good, You?
Me: Uh, Good, yes....(small bit of panic setting in) :question:
Them: So how are are things?
Me: (which things?!!!) Uh..good? annd, yooou? :idontknow:
Them: (now looking at me funny bexcause i haven't picked up the flow)
Fine. So you take care now.. (walking away with a strained smile)
Me: h:

Why cant we just introduce a topic for the day, do some research and then come back and debate it or talk about it, or exchange ideas. I feel like the ping pong chit chat is a game I have never learned the rules to, and fail at every time i attempt to play.

 

[Angkorwat]

I used to have this problem in the past. I'd be around someone or a group of people and they would be talking about things that I didn't find interesting. They would be talking about sports and ask me why am I being so quiet. I wouldn't know what to say to that so I felt awkward and ashamed. Nowadays when someone asks me the same thing I tell them that the conversation bores me. They feel awkward and somewhat insulted at what I say, but what do I care? It's the truth and it doesn't make me feel awkward, in fact it makes me happier that I said what was on my mind.

 

[mikebird]

I really do hate smalltalk

I just came up with a thought out-of-nowhere and wanted to post, so I searched for this subject before starting it lamely myself

Glad to add to it.

I seek meaningful, deep volumes of information to convey
No weather / 'how are you' junk. It's the reason why I don't participate

I've realised that limp-wristed bits and bobs would keep me in the picture and regain some social presence when I'm willing to make the effort...

one day... not my cup o' tea. Gotta suit others expectations

The extra mile
I've wanted to change my attitude. Not easy Stick to my hard ways.. I used to make people laugh

Blend

Maybe cos it's summer

 

[jaim38]

I can relate. I don't know how to have a good interesting conversation. When I skyped with strangers, it was so boring. We talked about movies, tv shows, music, etc. I mainly asked questions, sometimes give short answers, but it was very boring and I could tell the other person was too. I wish I could have at least the conversation abilities of my mom, who can speak very well but uses her abilities for all the wrong reasons. She can be very persuasive at times. I'm like my dad, inarticulate and short on words.

 

[mikebird]

I have a neighbour who's good chatting about general trivia
I try to learn from her

She's good on the phone and I've asked her to take some calls from recruiters about me, because I get terrible woes with recruiters asking if I'm there... hello, where's Mike? This winds me up. I try to avoid it. I repeatedly say it's just me. Nobody else. I guess that reaches a final a verdict that all recruiters will label me at 'DON'T MAKE CONTACT' if I don't live with several kids or partner or friends.

My neighbour is alone. She doesn't hate me. While I am visiting her phone never stops ringing. It's like recruiters on my home phone. She picks up to her dad, friends, her daughter. My tactic was to replace my home number with mine on job applications. I left that run for about a month, with her as my receptionist, friend, secretary. No set time. Just to see what happened.

Mum did that, giggling, whooaahh, hooo!! Before I was born, she was an Estate Agent's PA - that was for a blind man! She did shorthand. Know that?

Owned and ran several pubs. Exuberant. Actually, I only realised my horrific SA long after Mum died. She could have helped a lot. Maybe she hated me.

Dad is like me. He had his bar, while mine did the other one. I only got into the SA issue too late. My older brother says he sees a lot of me in Dad.

 

[selon]

I wish I could have at least the conversation abilities of my mom, who can speak very well but uses her abilities for all the wrong reasons. She can be very persuasive at times. I'm like my dad, inarticulate and short on words.

Exactly the same for me!

too bad really

 

[MikeyC]

I don't hate chit-chat, but I don't love it, although I do recognise it's common and I either adapt or die.

I do hate it when I answer a "hi, Michael" with "good thanks." mg: :bigsmile:

 

[Kiwong]

I don't enjoy talking to people anymore, small talk or big talk.