Cancer

[mikebird]

Most of my family have died of various types of cancer.

Why can't I have it? I'm the one without a job to do.

I've been treated for a lot of serious long-term health problems (not mental) when I was at school.

I'm looking at the rest of my life without the solid career success I was planning on. You can't choose to have cancer. Living past age 100 with nothing to do wouldn't be fair! I spend every day trying to achieve a working status I have a passion for, but I predict this might continue for a long time. It just gets worse, every day that passes unemployed. Some malignant illness might be a mercy

 

[da_illest101]

you shouldn't measure the importance of your life with something as meaningless as working. If i had it my way, i would never work till I die

 

[Anti Matter]

I know thinking you have no goals or career prospects can be soul destroying and can crush your confidence but seriously life even when you are in the crapper is much better than death. Staring death in the face puts your feelings and thoughts into clarity on how important it is to just live.

 

[DeadmanWalking]

Most of my family have died of various types of cancer.

Why can't I have it? I'm the one without a job to do.

I've been treated for a lot of serious long-term problems (not mental) when I was at school.

I'm looking at the rest of my life without the solid career success I was planning on. You can't choose to have cancer. Living past 100 with nothing to do wouldn't be fair! I spend every day trying to achieve a working status I have a passion for, but I predict this might continue for a long time. It just gets worse, every day that passes unemployed. Some malignant illness might be a mercy

Well, you can't predict the future, so you can't be sure of anything. With that in mind, don't quit trying to get your dream job; I'm sure I don't have to tell you about the millions of stories about people who had back-to-back failures, but they still became successful because they didn't know when to quit, do I? More on that, you do have a job in this world: you have to work to get that job you want so much, to be happy and content with your life, so that, when your time does come, you can say you have no regrets. So, you aren't allowed to die yet! Now go live your life and work to get that job you want so much!

 

[kilojoule]

Tut tut Mike as you well know, illness is horrible merciless thing and sometimes hopeless. Hang in there and keep plugging away.Keep aiming for your goals, believe in yourself. This can be done. Things will get better but you need to change your outlook and lift yourself from this.

 

[SeniorRedrings]

Cancer is not something to wish for.

 

[awkwardamanda]

That's actually insulting to anyone who has ever been a victim of cancer and all their friends and families.

 

[JamesSmith]

A person's self-worth is not based on their job, or lack there-of. A person's self-worth is based on whether they are happy or not.

 

[mikebird]

I must have written something wrong!

These comments are the harshest I've ever had.

1. THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH WORKING. I know so many who refuse to work and live on 'benefit'.
I WANT TO ACHIEVE. MY LIFE STARTED THAT WAY, AND IT WILL END WITH THAT DESIRE. I CAN'T KEEP ANY FRIENDS NOW BECAUSE I HAVE NO SELF-WORTH. MY LIFE GOAL AS AN ENGINEER IS TO ACHIEVE THINGS NOBODY ELSE HAS. ALL I WANT IS TO EARN MONEY. I DON'T CARE ABOUT PEOPLE. I DON'T CARE ABOUT SPENDING MONEY ON LUXURIES, EITHER. I WANT TO EARN MY PLACE. I DID, FOR ABOUT 6 YEARS. NOW, I AM REJECTED BY EMPLOYERS. SIMPLE AS THAT. THAT'S WHY I HAVE SA NOW. ALL MY FAMILY ARE ENTREPRENEURS. I DON'T UNDERSTAND THE REASON FOR REJECTION. POSSIBLY THE FACT THAT I DON'T WANT TO WORK LIKE A PEASANT FOR A BOSS. I WANT TO BE MY BOSS AND HAVE MY OWN COMPANY.

ANTI MATTER THINKS I HAVE NO CAREER GOALS OR PROSPECTS? THATS 1/x FOR ME. WHAT DID I SAY WRONG? MY DESIRE, CAPABILITY AND DRIVE IS THERE, FOR SERIOUS SELF-EMPLOYMENT. IT'S REJECTION IN THE WORKPLACE THAT LEADS ME ENTIRELY TO SUICIDE.

2. Sorry: awkwardamanda, who did I insult for having cancer? Tell me. Where was the insult? All I am hoping for is my own suicide. Having childhood and teenage years riddled with serious blood problems, stuck as an inpatient in kids leukaemia wards, and watching them die, day-by-day, was not a pleasant time. I got through that.

What I cannot get through, for the last 10 years, is my aptitude, knowledge, experience and sharp skills, but being rejected at interview or after a few months in a position, because there is 'someone better'. That is not true. I am an expert. BUT I cannot do things THEIR way. I do it my way. This life is the ultra torture. I coped just fine as a 7-year-old stuck in a hospital bed with needles up my arms, groin and feet, with doctors' research being done on me to find a 'cure'. What I can't cope with is presenting my self, demonstrating what I do on whiteboards in interviews and board meetings, with all stakeholders rejecting my ideas. I feel sorry for them, thinking strictly just inside the box. I know all big earners are successful by being standard. I'm the opposite. An engineer with creativity.

I'm proud for not smashing people in interview / meetings right there, and ... using furniture to beat them to a pulp. I can control that. This rejection makes me feel a person in 24/7 torture, with no place on this planet - happier with suicide (still rejecting that) but a route to cancer as my place in the world. I seemed to belong in hospital all those years - I didn't like it, but put up with it. Got my degree, and now rejection. I'm not putting up with that.

I feel a deity's grand plan for an earnest, driven, committed, diligent, serious worker, suffering ultimate rejection. Torture.

Sorry

 

[mikebird]

A person's self-worth is not based on their job, or lack there-of. A person's self-worth is based on whether they are happy or not.

I wish that was the way. I think there's an equation for that. A neverending loop.

I'm certainly not happy. There's only one, single reason. Unemployment. That's what people do to me. Some people do seem not to care if they have nothing to do. They're happy living off taxpayers. Whooo!

 

[mikebird]

Tut tut Mike as you well know, illness is horrible merciless thing and sometimes hopeless. Hang in there and keep plugging away.Keep aiming for your goals, believe in yourself. This can be done. Things will get better but you need to change your outlook and lift yourself from this.

Thank You! You've done it! Thank you. Perfect. Life has been UPS & DOWNS - day-by-day, week-by-week, month-by-month..etc...

Example: emotions. That's why I reacted to this thread.
My mistake: I didn't read all the answers. I screamed. Now I have. Sometimes I don't pay attention. I overreact. That's my work failure. I'm getting better

 

[mikebird]

you shouldn't measure the importance of your life with something as meaningless as working. If i had it my way, i would never work till I die

Yep.

Work til I die is right. I'd LOVE overtime, working weekends. I enter contracts asking for a minimum week of 40 hours. I like doctors' weeks of 60, or 80, or even more... Maybe not capable of all that. It's not all about money, but some of it. Self-employment, and retirement to live on an island! It's too late for me - all this time out of work hasn't built much pension.

 

[mikebird]

I know thinking you have no goals or career prospects can be soul destroying and can crush your confidence but seriously life even when you are in the crapper is much better than death. Staring death in the face puts your feelings and thoughts into clarity on how important it is to just live.

You're right.

Suicide is an impossibility. I'm about 0.0000000000000001% close to that idea. Better off with nothing. Anything can happen. Finishing life is far too wimpy.

Any idea about 'achieving' illness may have come about in one of my anti-reality dreams last night, as a way to get some respect from my millionnaire brother, who visited me in hospital regularly, but who now criticises me regularly for not being successful, as he was, and he is my life model. He knows my 'shyness' and anti-peopleness are my problems - the opposite of him. Never discussed, but he knows it.

 

[kilojoule]

I read your posts. You know suffering, you have suffered a lot, and a lot more than most. I know when you say that, that you do actually know what you're saying. And when you've fought so hard to get somewhere and all your work and effort is rejected and in vain it feels like you're banging your head off a brick wall. I get it. I understand this. Its extremely frustrating. And Mike you well know that you are the only one who can help you right now. You need to lift yourself up. I have been feeling a lot of brick walls this week- the frustration 1 step forward and two back. Anything worth doing IS hard and IS challenging. I was thinking about it the other night and that song by u2, 'walk on' those lyrics they they really moved me, i think i put them in my journal here, look it up. I hope they help lift you. The other recurring theme this week for me has been the term 'All things pass' and its true. Nothing is gorever, nothing. So hang in there.

 

[Kiwong]

Cancer is not something to wish for.

Exactly. It is a horrible, painful, frightening disease.

 

[BlackPuma]

The only job we're born with is to stay alive as long as you can. As long as you're breathing, and have some sort of active conscious, you're still doing your job.

Don't let this success obsessed world think you're any worse or better then anyone else around you. This is YOUR life, it isn't measured by what others do or don't do. No matter what you do, you're doing it right.

 

[mikebird]

I'm sure I don't have to tell you about the millions of stories about people who had back-to-back failures, but they still became successful because they didn't know when to quit, do I? More on that, you do have a job in this world: you have to work to get that job you want so much, to be happy and content with your life, so that, when your time does come, you can say you have no regrets.

I did need telling! Thanks!

I've always been stuck with the idea that one little failure / firing / a day off sick

would ensure that no employer would consider looking me in the eye ever again. Everyone must be perfect, and never put a foot wrong, from cradle to grave.

Now you've got me back on the straight, with a horizon ahead.

 

[JamesSmith]

I wish that was the way. I think there's an equation for that. A neverending loop.

I'm certainly not happy. There's only one, single reason. Unemployment. That's what people do to me. Some people do seem not to care if they have nothing to do. They're happy living off taxpayers. Whooo!

I've said the exact same thing you said, then I got a full-time job and was even more unhappy.

Maybe that was just me.

I think both things suck, working and unemployment.

95% of jobs of are boring and tedious, so I don't see how you plan to find happiness at one of those places. Maybe you'll be happier than you are now, which is what you're trying to say?