Can anyone help?

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StripyDan

New member
Hi there, i'm a Junior Designer working full time in the UK and need to find out what constitutes / or what crosses the line as bullying?

I started my job in Feb 2013, when first starting I felt positive about most/all aspects of life, including my future. A typical day up to date (most recent) now starts by waking up, not wanting to get out of bed, feeling nothing but anxiety before and after work and not feel like i've lost all my confidence about the very future I once felt very, very optimistic about.

I don't feel like I can face another day at my job. Ever since I started there, most people have been fine with me day to day, besides from the managing director who runs the business. Ever since I began he has been very critical of most things about me, from the way I behave and most recently the way I even move my hands.

He has (on much more than one occasion) humiliated me in front of others, mentioning how i'm not listening, in fact during the first couple of months he would mention how he thinks i'm struggling, how he is nervous on how much time I am spending on things, how he needs to get me in for a chat to get me where I need to be (that was during the Summer). His tone and manner is very intimidating, very unwelcoming and I don't feel valued whatsoever, like none of my opinions matter.

Today he got me in for an interim meeting, apparently to discuss where I am at, whats going well/what isn't and are there any problems. However not in any time since i've been there have I felt like I can confide in anybody for support, the reactions to most people when asking for help or advice was very hostile from the start. I feel like just getting through the week there is like winning a world war, and to see the weekend arrive feels like a miracle.

Admittedly, not all the things he has said to me are critical, but it's the manner in which he takes the negative criticism, definitely feels more like verbal bullying to me than constructive criticism, which i'm sure you know there is a big difference between the two!!!

Most recently I feel as though my health could be sacrificed if I stay there any longer than at present. For example, I find it almost impossible to concentrate after talking to that boss, I worry that everything I do is going to be wrong, and bearing in mind it takes me 2 hours everyday just to get to that job and back - it feels like feeling happy is like hitting a goldmine! The times when I felt happiest last year included anywhere away from my job.

I realise that to be better at any job, or to progress within a company it takes time… and everyone has weaknesses and i'm not saying i'm perfect, because nobody is!!! But I feel as though I should be going to work with a positive attitude, feel good about myself and be able to go home without worrying all the time what will happen the next day.

Any kind of advice or help would be so appreciated, because I feel like any more and i'll have some kind of nervous breakdown or my family will come in to see me lying dead on the carpet from the level of stress i've been having.

Not sure what else to say but I feel helpless, and in need of some support because this isn't the first time i've been put down at work and it seems to be a continuing factor in my employment.

Thank you
 
Flanscho

Flanscho

Well-known member
Well, in general you have several options.

The most important ones are
- stay at that job, or
- quit the job and find another one.

That depends on a lot of variables that only you know. Mostly: how dependant are you on the job and salary, and how quickly can you find a decent new one.

Other questions are:
- is the boss really that mean compared to an average boss / manager / whatever
- what would things probably progress like in that company

Like, if the boss is really an ******* and harms you, and if you can switch jobs more or less without trouble, there is little reason for you not to. If it's mostly in your head (in matters of you being very sensitive), and if you depend on the job, then switching would probably be not a good idea.
 
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jaim38

Well-known member
Sounds like you're very stressed out and unhappy because of the job. I think you should have plan B, which is find another job. Continue working at your current job, but actively search for another one (but don't tell your boss or coworkers!) if you desperate enough to want out. I'm not sure if complaining to upper management (someone higher than your managing director) would help at all.
 
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StripyDan

New member
I feel that quitting is the only way i'll regain confidence in myself. I am dependant on the Salary of my job, but I have quite a lot saved which could buy me time to search for something new.

is the boss really that mean compared to an average boss / manager / whatever

I've never had to work with a boss this demanding, in any job i've ever worked at. By nature he is very negative about the work I do, has days when he storms off in a huff, many days I have asked for advice on something he tuts or says he doesn't have time for this. I feel like I would be fine working there if it wasn't for the behaviour of this boss but this one boss is destroying my self esteem, my happiness and enjoyment in the job and now my health as a result.

what would things probably progress like in that company

He mentioned at one point sometimes this year i'm likely due to a bit of a payrise, but I feel the progression there would only lead to him putting on a ton more pressure (if he put any more pressure than he already does i'd be even more of a nervous wreck than has been already!!!).

Admittedly maybe my coping skills are a bit lower right now - my Stepmum died about a week ago and coming to terms with that has been very hard. Most people have been pretty cool about seeing how i'm doing, but that boss only really asked me once, ever since then criticism - and what I would at times definitely call verbal bullying has just continued despite this. There are moments when the insincerity baffles me...

I'm not sure if complaining to upper management (someone higher than your managing director) would help at all.

My main trouble with above is he is the very top manager of this company. There are 2 other directors, both however are below him. There is no HR department either, overall raising a grievance is very difficult, it would be easier if it was regarding someone just above me or on the same level but that isn't the case.

I'm concerned that being straight about it to the other directors would still create stress on my part - i'd still have to face this boss every day and don't want anything I mention to be used against me.

Leaving this job is not 100% ideal as I wouldn't be able to claim anything until I was in a new job. However the environment there feels absolutely toxic and the vibe has been destroying my sense of character, and led to weaker creativity/ideas.

Yesterday my doctor signed me off for 2 weeks which he has wrote due to bereavement, pretty fair enough reason to have some time to think things through. In this 2 week period I have a list of things to do which i'm ticking off as I go along. Some examples of things on the list are to apply for other jobs like crazy, fully update my portfolio of design work for interviews, write a resignation letter (still optional whether I go for this or not but it's looking like the best thing to do) and contact local companies to see if there are any vacancies available.

Some other things about this job really bug me. 2 big things - first thing is the commute. It takes 2 hours every day Mon-Friday just to get there and back, as I live an hour away from the job. The second thing is there are some days when there is nothing at all to do, meaning when you do have something it leaves a tendency to spend a bit longer on certain jobs. If there's one thing i've realised, it's that having nothing to do is FAR, FAR worse than having heaps of stuff to do.

Any further advice would be appreciated as i'll take all comments on board...
 
Nanita

Nanita

Well-known member
I´m sorry you have a hard time with your job. I once had a boss that spoke to me in a really mean way and criticized me unnecessarily about all sorts of silly things. It got to me and I became totally quiet whenever she was around. I started loosing my ability to trust my own judgement reagarding practical tasks at work, being afraid she would criticize me.. Looking back I can´t believe I was there a whole damn year.
The way I am nowadays, I would quit or express my opinion to the boss. Partly because I have more guts now but also because I´m even more sensitive now, which makes it impossible for me to accept rude behaviour and horrible circumstances, because that will litterally make me ill or cause nervous breakdowns. I have learned the hard way, to stand up for myself.

I hope it will change for you very soon. You can´t let it go on like this. Either quit completely or try to speak to your boss to try to change the vibe?
 
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andsorry

andsorry

Well-known member
Just hang in there a little longer and like others have mention get another job. Some people are just unprofessional. My supervisor and manger made it difficult me and I quit. There will be other opportunities.
 
R3K

R3K

Well-known member
any job involving the sale of art in any form is going to be like this. your "boss" needs to impress customers at any cost, which means possibly breaking the backs of his employees and treating them like crap.

do you stand up for yourself during this verbal bullying? if he's negatively criticizing the shit out of you all the time, try defending your work. or at least explain it. ultimately, he'll fire you, you'll quit, or you'll succeed there. but if you're strong and confident in your work and ability and you stick up for yourself and your creations, then it won't matter what one "director" in a world of billions thinks about your stuff at one or a couple of instances in this long timeline that is your life.
 
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StripyDan

New member
Many things he has mentioned about me are ridiculous and shouldn't generally relate to the work I do because it's all design. For example, my sense of dress, the way I move my hands, how he thinks I haven't used a hoover at any time of my life ---> I don't see what relevance does this have to being a better designer, and criticising me personally will not make me a better designer either?!?!

I have tried to stand up to my boss (not in a typical answering back way, but in a professional, get more results out of myself and as a result more out the company way) - but he rarely even allows me to have an input of my own (allow me to talk and voice what I think/feel), and when he goes on he doesn't shut up!!!!

It has also reached the point where I have lost so much confidence at the workplace, that I don't have the energy anymore to voice my opinion, and always have to psych myself up just to go in his room (for example, if it's something I need to see him about) and always result in going in, shaking like a leaf and struggle to peice 2 sentences together. This has led to concentration and even conversations with others in my job become impossible as a task, and the fact i've been snapped at for taking the initiative to come up with more ideas before ---> how does this get the best out of your colleagues? When I look around, I can see that this kind of treatment is getting the pure worst out of me, ideas cannot prosper, and I go home feeling the same as someone who has been beaten up.

If my boss wanted to impress his customers at any cost, surely he is still sabotaging his own business at every cost by the very way he is making me (and probably others) feel? With an approach like this, it is inevitable he getting the least bit of productivity out of me, and I can't possibly get the best out of myself in these circumstances.

I know that if I put my mind to it I could succeed there - but in the process i'd lose all self respect, all confidence, all happiness and enjoyment and probably sacrifice a sh*t load of health, therefore, is it worth it?

After being off for about 2/3 days (11 days to go IF i go back) my feelings about this job haven't changed. I can't stand this job. I enjoy the work itself, but the behaviour of this boss is definitely affecting me all day, every day when I work in the week. Music is one of my biggest hobbies, and i'm starting to feel desensitised to things even like that, they have no effect anymore. There are little things I enjoy, other than going to bed as it's one of the only times I don't feel anxious.

I don't mind criticism - surely the correct kind of criticism is the kind that actually betters my performance in the workplace and not the kind that leaves me on edge every 5 seconds. So I guess it's looking that I need to make some sort of new start, criticism I can welcome and don't mind, nobody is perfect and that's a fact of life, but when it involves rather personal things about your character and is not constructive - my instincts are outright yelling GET THE HECK OUT OF HERE.
 
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