bullying ruined my life

[TheNomad]

Do you think they were born like that? Have you never done anything wicked in your entire life? I view that type of behaviour as not everything-or-nothing matter, but rather as a spectrum. Imagine those "sociopaths" as adults changed radically and became role models. Who are you to judge people based on the actions they did when they were probably still children, developing and probably being attacked themselves? Do you think that you are free from sociopathy? Imagine your parents raised you in a cage, sexually abused you everyday and beat you? Do you think that that would affect your personality in any way? Do you think it would somewhat desensitise you from other people's pain?

I agree that things are never that simple and people are not either angels or demons. I was bullied for two years, one year it was light one was nasty. I was the victim and in my eye they were monsters and I was an innocent do gooder..but I actually remember I was bullying people weaker than me when I was in my earlier years, when my brain was less developed (I was 8 or 9 I guess). Although I was not merciless and didn't do it continously but still.. Realizing this sucked because it made feel that no one is that good or evil which makes it harder to hate and ignore bullies and makes one question himself, but it is the truth. Maybe if the victims were stronger and with less guidance they could easily have been bulliers.

 

[katy-rome]

It seems to me that an underlying cause of the huge problem of bullying in America (witness child suicides, shootings in schools, no-one can deny that a significant number of people are suffering and not coping) is the culture. In order to justify hurting others, or even just not helping them, in order to achieve one's own success, we must believe that people are individually responsible for their situation in life, including vulnerability, poverty, failure to thrive etc. This culture is where 'success' is admired above all else. This is not only clearly not true (is it a child's fault if they are small, poor, blind, artistic not sporty, sensitive, or have any other traits that make them vulnerable?), it is very damaging to the well-being of EVERYBODY living in that society, bullied and bullies alike.

IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT YOU WERE BULLIED AND SUFFERED! It is really wrong to blame the vulnerable for suffering. It's self-justifation for either hurting people or doing nothing.

BY the way I suffered from bullying too but because of being pretty (how stupid and shallow!) i was then saved by being invited into the 'popular' group, now my son has also suffered from bullying and I've taken him out of school at 7 years old, as far as I'm concerned he need never go again. It's a harmful environment for him, so now I'm homeschooling him and his sister, they both love it and are thriving. He will not suffer as you did. I'm sorry.

ps try reading 'Dumbing us Down' by John Gatto. It might help get some perspective.

 

[PugofCrydee]

It seems to me that an underlying cause of the huge problem of bullying in America (witness child suicides, shootings in schools, no-one can deny that a significant number of people are suffering and not coping) is the culture. In order to justify hurting others, or even just not helping them, in order to achieve one's own success, we must believe that people are individually responsible for their situation in life, including vulnerability, poverty, failure to thrive etc. This culture is where 'success' is admired above all else. This is not only clearly not true (is it a child's fault if they are small, poor, blind, artistic not sporty, sensitive, or have any other traits that make them vulnerable?), it is very damaging to the well-being of EVERYBODY living in that society, bullied and bullies alike.

IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT YOU WERE BULLIED AND SUFFERED! It is really wrong to blame the vulnerable for suffering. It's self-justifation for either hurting people or doing nothing.



BY the way I suffered from bullying too but because of being pretty (how stupid and shallow!) i was then saved by being invited into the 'popular' group, now my son has also suffered from bullying and I've taken him out of school at 7 years old, as far as I'm concerned he need never go again. It's a harmful environment for him, so now I'm homeschooling him and his sister, they both love it and are thriving. He will not suffer as you did. I'm sorry.

ps try reading 'Dumbing us Down' by John Gatto. It might help get some perspective.

Good post, totally agree with the point on culture. Although I think it extends to us as a species, as all cultures and races experience it.

 

[BlueDays]

It seems to me that an underlying cause of the huge problem of bullying in America (witness child suicides, shootings in schools, no-one can deny that a significant number of people are suffering and not coping) is the culture. In order to justify hurting others, or even just not helping them, in order to achieve one's own success, we must believe that people are individually responsible for their situation in life, including vulnerability, poverty, failure to thrive etc. This culture is where 'success' is admired above all else. This is not only clearly not true (is it a child's fault if they are small, poor, blind, artistic not sporty, sensitive, or have any other traits that make them vulnerable?), it is very damaging to the well-being of EVERYBODY living in that society, bullied and bullies alike.

IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT YOU WERE BULLIED AND SUFFERED! It is really wrong to blame the vulnerable for suffering. It's self-justifation for either hurting people or doing nothing.

BY the way I suffered from bullying too but because of being pretty (how stupid and shallow!) i was then saved by being invited into the 'popular' group, now my son has also suffered from bullying and I've taken him out of school at 7 years old, as far as I'm concerned he need never go again. It's a harmful environment for him, so now I'm homeschooling him and his sister, they both love it and are thriving. He will not suffer as you did. I'm sorry.

ps try reading 'Dumbing us Down' by John Gatto. It might help get some perspective.

^What an excellent post! :thumbup:



Bullying also ruined my whole life.
I believe those who have managed to "get over it" were simply not bullied anywhere near the extreme extent that those who have not been able to overcome it's life-destroying effects were.

After several Psychiatrists, several Psychologists, Self-help books, CBT, Mindfulness, supportive parent, several suicide attempts and finally Medication, 34 years later I am still trying to "get over it".
I won't give up trying to find a way that works, but after 34 years you do kind of feel like nothing will ever work.


P.S People who take the easy way of "blaming the victim" for the bullying they suffered, in my opinion, these people almost possess the same sociopathic attributes of the actual bullies. Just sayin'.

 

[arjuna]

^What an excellent post! :thumbup:
People who take the easy way of "blaming the victim" for the bullying they suffered, in my opinion, these people almost possess the same sociopathic attributes of the actual bullies. Just sayin'.

Are you implying that someone on this thread has "blamed the victim?"

 

[Inook]

Are you implying that someone on this thread has "blamed the victim?"

Well, you did say that victims should act better and they are in part responsable which is totally wrong, nobody should have to react to something like that and be blamed because they are sad.

 

[arjuna]

Well, you did say that victims should act better and they are in part responsable which is totally wrong, nobody should have to react to something like that and be blamed because they are sad.

I said that they "are in part responsable?" That's news to me...

Speaking from my personal experience, when I was bullied I was not with it. I made a decision to be the way I was and I suffered the consequences. If I had been more intelligent I could have stopped it. I am NOT justifying bullying in any of its forms.

If find the fact that many of you are trying to get across that you have no control over circumstances in life as ridiculous. Ever heard of Nelson Mandela? Viktor Frankl? If you haven't, maybe you should find out a bit more about them.

Then again, maybe we should all accept the fact that we do not have any control over how we react to events in our lives. And then, having reached that brilliant conclusion, we should all become serial killers as someone on here has seemed to imply.

A bit of maturity, please.

 

[Sacrament]

But I don't want to be a serial killer, I'm currently enjoying my daily habit of not killing anyone :sad:

 

[Inook]

I said that they "are in part responsable?" That's news to me...

Speaking from my personal experience, when I was bullied I was not with it. I made a decision to be the way I was and I suffered the consequences. If I had been more intelligent I could have stopped it. I am NOT justifying bullying in any of its forms.

If find the fact that many of you are trying to get across that you have no control over circumstances in life as ridiculous. Ever heard of Nelson Mandela? Viktor Frankl? If you haven't, maybe you should find out a bit more about them.

Then again, maybe we should all accept the fact that we do not have any control over how we react to events in our lives. And then, having reached that brilliant conclusion, we should all become serial killers as someone on here has seemed to imply.

A bit of maturity, please.

You are not justifying it but you are saying that we can stop it, only have to act and it's wrong. You can't say that, we all react in the best way we can, we have control over how we react and we need to live in peaace with them, not fight them.

Some will fight back while other just take it and develop Social Anciety to protect themselves. But that's how things are, you don't know how things can turn out and if you did something else, it could have been better, it could have been worst. It doesn't matter, it happened and we have to live with that and support others to help them, not tell them they are doing something wrong

And no, this doesn't mean I will be a serial killer ( even if I would lie if I said I don't have hatred )

 

[GraybeardGhost]

But I don't want to be a serial killer, I'm currently enjoying my daily habit of not killing anyone :sad:

I know it's tough with SA, but sometimes you have to step outside your comfort zone.

 

[Megaten]

I know one of my regrets is not punching my bullies in the face when I had the chance. Maybe I would have gotten stomped, or maybe they would have left me alone. The fact that they were targeting me specifically makes me believe they werent the brave sort, so Im betting on the latter.

 

[citygirl27]

I understand your point and appreciate your input. However, I'm pretty sure that people would choose to avoid bullying situations if they could. No one wants to be bullied. We all know that is easier said than done, for many factors. When in a situation, it's not always easy to act to defend oneself, say the right things or do what should be done. Intelligence or physical strength has nothing to do with it. For example, fighting or arguing when provoked might not be in someone's character, or having certain values might inhibit someone from reacting in a certain way. Fear or confusion could be other factors. Not knowing how to fight or being "shocked" into submission...the list goes on.

Everyone is the way they are and should not be persecuted or bullied because of their personal choices, especially if they are not hurting anyone else. Victims should never blame themselves for having been bullied or justify the bullying (ex. "If I were more intelligent" "I chose to be that way", respectively)

For those that could summon the power to act righteously in every situation, kudos. That is great. The truth is that not everyone can do that though.

I think that people should strive to live in the present. It's extremely hard to let go of the past. Though it may seem impossible, it is the best thing that anyone could do for oneself.

I said that they "are in part responsable?" That's news to me...

Speaking from my personal experience, when I was bullied I was not with it. I made a decision to be the way I was and I suffered the consequences. If I had been more intelligent I could have stopped it. I am NOT justifying bullying in any of its forms.

If find the fact that many of you are trying to get across that you have no control over circumstances in life as ridiculous. Ever heard of Nelson Mandela? Viktor Frankl? If you haven't, maybe you should find out a bit more about them.

Then again, maybe we should all accept the fact that we do not have any control over how we react to events in our lives. And then, having reached that brilliant conclusion, we should all become serial killers as someone on here has seemed to imply.

A bit of maturity, please.

 

[PugofCrydee]

I know one of my regrets is not punching my bullies in the face when I had the chance. Maybe I would have gotten stomped, or maybe they would have left me alone. The fact that they were targeting me specifically makes me believe they werent the brave sort, so Im betting on the latter.

Personally, there hasn't been many more things satisfying than degrading someone who has tried to bully me.

 

[quizkiddonnie]

nothing people do is because of you. bullies are miserable people who are rebelling against their own misery. basically they're cowards

 

[Xion]

I hate how everyone assumes that bullying is a normal part of growing up. It has destroyed my life and left me crippled with social phobia and depression for almost 15 years now. It took away any chance I had at having a decent future. I was robbed of a social life, the ability to make friends and form relationships, a good career, and happiness. I will never truly recover from the effects of bullying. The worst part is that all the people who tormented me throughout my life are leading successful and happy lives today.

Ouch! It hurts when I am the only one who suffers. So I feel just like how you feel.
I don't think bullying is a part of life. The only difference between me and you is that I wasn't bullied in my life at all. The reason for my SA and depression is something else.

 

[arjuna]

I have been reading some of the replies and although I see some valid points, a lot of ideas here don't seem to be making sense. I think we should all try and mature. If you read my posts here I think you will find that they make the most sense.

If you want me to recommend some books to improve your way of thinking, I will provide them.

 

[Sacrament]

I do understand the points you make, and to a certain extent they are valid, but saying "if you read my posts here you will find they make the most sense" is something you could have avoided.

 

[williamreinsch]

I really feel for you I wish you all the best in getting through this. Have you tried therapy? could help just takes alot to build up the courage to go ahead. If it helps it was alot more relaxed and easy than i thought it would be.

 

[arjuna]

I do understand the points you make, and to a certain extent they are valid, but saying "if you read my posts here you will find they make the most sense" is something you could have avoided.

"To a certain extent?"

It could have been avoided but that is the way I see it and I really think people should make an effort towards coherence and clarity. I'm not talking about all the posts on the thread, obviously. One or two here seem ridiculous to me, I must say.

 

[Megaten]

"To a certain extent?"

It could have been avoided but that is the way I see it and I really think people should make an effort towards coherence and clarity. I'm not talking about all the posts on the thread, obviously. One or two here seem ridiculous to me, I must say.

Its just not a good way to convince people of anything even if youre completely right. Once you make people mad by "speaking your mind" it really doesnt matter what your argument was or if youre the smartest person in the room. Look what happened with the OP. He pissed off enough people and they ran him off, despite the fact that he was also suffering. Hell Im not even sure if the dude is even still alive tbh. Its just not very tactful and a good way to get people to listen.

I mean I too believe that people probably would have turned out better if they had stood up for themselves more, but really thats all in the past anyways and no one can go back and change that mess. So everyone debating on what could or should have been done is pointless. And the OP desperately need to get out of the past.