It seems there are some of us suffering from SA/SP that have body image issues. I am one of them. I have received criticism throughout my life simply because of the way I look. Peoples' criticism has torn me down and contributed greatly to my SA/SP as well as depression. As a result, I've become so afraid of being critiqued and ridiculed, I tend to avoid people, situations and places. I'm tired of living like this. I'm tired of feeling terrible about myself simply because of my genetic makeup. I don't want to hate myself anymore. And most of all I'm tired of feeling suicidal. Has anyone else gone through feelings like this? Has anything helped you to cope or get past these feelings?
Body Image Issues Anyone?
- Thread starter royalx60
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3lefts
Well-known member
I can relate in an entirely different sense. I wasn't ridiculed but I received attention that pretty much terrified me.
My advice is to just give yourself time and try and find something that makes you feel you look good. Wear clothes that are comfortable and show off the kind of person you are, it's not so much what you look like as it is more of what you feel like. Feel happy, and don't let other people take that away from you because of their own insecurities. Causing them to pick out other people's flaws to make themselves feel better about what they look like.
Every one has flaws, and quite frankly it's actually beautiful and very human.
My advice is to just give yourself time and try and find something that makes you feel you look good. Wear clothes that are comfortable and show off the kind of person you are, it's not so much what you look like as it is more of what you feel like. Feel happy, and don't let other people take that away from you because of their own insecurities. Causing them to pick out other people's flaws to make themselves feel better about what they look like.
Every one has flaws, and quite frankly it's actually beautiful and very human.
Hi Royal!
Quite a few people here have problems with this (even some very gorgeous ones!!)
So I'm thinking probably a lot of that 'how horrible you look' is in your head too..!!
Look up threads on BDD in OCD sub-forums or do a search... There are some good books on Amazon apparently too!! (Haven't read, just looked at them online)
Who criticized you? Parents or kids at school or...?
Kids can be cruel and stupid, and sometimes tease out of friendliness too (some have very different ways of showing they like you) or other reasons like boredom or having a bad day..
People on dating sites (or such) may be rude just because you don't 'give in' to what they want too easily..
Think about it, what does it say about their communication skills??
Even if you have real flaws, it's probably the parents/teachers/site admin's job to somehow make sure that kids/site members learn acceptance and kindness too and behave respectfully.. It's very difficult in today's education system and hectic life sometimes... Many parents/teachers/some admins don't know how to communicate more effectively..
I agree with 3lefts, flaws can be beautiful and human too...
I was criticized a lot too, not because of how I look mostly (okay, sometimes too - what I wore or posture or how I walked - don't ask) but for other things.. for what I did (or didn't do), yikes.. (I was a lively child, and well, not an ideal child probably.. and parents had poor coping mechanisms and many parents even now don't know much about effective communication/parenting!!)
It helped me to read more about this all, effective communication, psychology, etc. Louise Hay's book You Can Heal Your Life and some others were very helpful too... Have you read any?
Also it helped having a boyfriend and getting some attention from guys... (not too much, just a bit can be nice) I read the books first though, and started feeling better about myself, honestly..
Also read up on scapegoating, if this could be a case too.. People can sometimes feel bad and just 'turn it on someone'... What they say is often not really about you, but has more to do with them and their other problems... (or if they dislike something you did or might be jealous of you, or run out of things to say)
Also, people can be just narrow-minded?? In animal kingdom, there are very different concepts of 'beauty'!! You know, the tuna and the octopus and the exotic birds and such have all very different ideas over what is 'beautiful'! Think about it.
Even in art world, very many different concepts go as 'art' or 'beautiful', it really changed a lot through centuries too..
Quite a few people here have problems with this (even some very gorgeous ones!!)
So I'm thinking probably a lot of that 'how horrible you look' is in your head too..!!
Look up threads on BDD in OCD sub-forums or do a search... There are some good books on Amazon apparently too!! (Haven't read, just looked at them online)
Who criticized you? Parents or kids at school or...?
Kids can be cruel and stupid, and sometimes tease out of friendliness too (some have very different ways of showing they like you
) or other reasons like boredom or having a bad day.. People on dating sites (or such) may be rude just because you don't 'give in' to what they want too easily..
Think about it, what does it say about their communication skills??
Even if you have real flaws, it's probably the parents/teachers/site admin's job to somehow make sure that kids/site members learn acceptance and kindness too and behave respectfully.. It's very difficult in today's education system and hectic life sometimes... Many parents/teachers/some admins don't know how to communicate more effectively..
I agree with 3lefts, flaws can be beautiful and human too...
I was criticized a lot too, not because of how I look mostly (okay, sometimes too - what I wore or posture or how I walked - don't ask) but for other things.. for what I did (or didn't do), yikes.. (I was a lively child, and well, not an ideal child probably..
and parents had poor coping mechanisms and many parents even now don't know much about effective communication/parenting!!)It helped me to read more about this all, effective communication, psychology, etc. Louise Hay's book You Can Heal Your Life and some others were very helpful too... Have you read any?
Also it helped having a boyfriend
and getting some attention from guys... (not too much, just a bit can be nice) I read the books first though, and started feeling better about myself, honestly..Also read up on scapegoating, if this could be a case too.. People can sometimes feel bad and just 'turn it on someone'... What they say is often not really about you, but has more to do with them and their other problems... (or if they dislike something you did or might be jealous of you, or run out of things to say)
Also, people can be just narrow-minded?? In animal kingdom, there are very different concepts of 'beauty'!! You know, the tuna and the octopus and the exotic birds and such have all very different ideas over what is 'beautiful'! Think about it.
Even in art world, very many different concepts go as 'art' or 'beautiful', it really changed a lot through centuries too..
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Sinar_Matahari
Well-known member
I grew up in a culture where people's looks are highly criticized. On a typical down day, I tend to feel bad about myself for not being "perfect". Perfect according to my own standards, of course. I don't expect others to live up to my standards, but then I am a lot more harsh on myself than I am on others. Besides, in the end other people's looks don't matter to me as much as mine do. I went as far as making an appointment for a consultation with a cosmetic surgeon, but I didn't go through with it. I wasn't confident that this doctor understood what I wanted and I didn't think she could give me the results I expect.
lunarla
Well-known member
I think very similarly about this... I think. I'd imagine if some people saw how high of standards I have for myself, they might think that it's parallel to the kinds of standards I set on other people. But that's really not the case at alllllll.
KiaKaha
Banned
Since coming here I have noticed a link between SA and BDD, I am not quite sure why the two are related but there seems to be a definite correlation between them. There are so many people on this site who believe they are unattractive when they are not at all yet dont believe it when told otherwise. Although in saying that I can understand it as well because I feel the same way about myself and dont believe others when they say that I am not unattractive either... its pretty crazy how self perception takes precedence over reality.
I think part of the reason people develop BDD is because SA makes you think there is something wrong with you, and judging from how people react to you, a logical conclusion in ones own mind might be be that their own appearance is making others react in a negative way. I do think appearances play a lot as too how people first perceive you, in fact I have read study's that have shown that people will favor more attractive people than those who are less aesthetically pleasing to the eye...you can see it even in cartoons for kids, the villain is always pretty ugly, where the hero is good looking... teaching us from an early age ugly = bad, attractive = good. As for me personally, I workout constantly. I cant do much about my face, but having a good body keeps me strong, makes me feel good and enhances my appearance, which in turn makes me feel better about myself.
Just my two cents.
I think part of the reason people develop BDD is because SA makes you think there is something wrong with you, and judging from how people react to you, a logical conclusion in ones own mind might be be that their own appearance is making others react in a negative way. I do think appearances play a lot as too how people first perceive you, in fact I have read study's that have shown that people will favor more attractive people than those who are less aesthetically pleasing to the eye...you can see it even in cartoons for kids, the villain is always pretty ugly, where the hero is good looking... teaching us from an early age ugly = bad, attractive = good. As for me personally, I workout constantly. I cant do much about my face, but having a good body keeps me strong, makes me feel good and enhances my appearance, which in turn makes me feel better about myself.
Just my two cents.
Why royal? what do you look like? It's normal to feel inadequate and shy for being criticized, but not to the point of feeling suicidal.
I think you're always dwelling on the negative. Maybe some are constructive criticism. Yes, I avoid people sometimes, but I dobn't blame myself fro that. If they'r not happy, with me--then that's their problem not mine.
If you just do your own thing sans stepping on somebody's toes, well just do what makes you happy. Sometimes they criticize coz they';re only envious and they're not happy with their lives so they pull down people like you to share their misery.
Find others who make you happy.
What's inside is what counts. Keep remembering that. If you have a strong sense of identity no one can hurt you.
DespairSoul
Well-known member
Yes i do actually this next to my opinion why i get SA coz of critism of people on my address i alone logic know im not so ugly as i start thinking after juding of people they need make their confindence higher then they research victim if they find weak point of us wich we serve them actually alone too for one side with this how we act unsure about us selves. I have become too be very afraid and anytime what i see me i think i look like alien and hate myself. I tend to avoid people and places just everything. Im tired of being me and of this way how i look coz i think if i will look little better that i will solve my problems but this isnt true at all.
Todays is big pressure of medias on us and people have higher standarts wich way is look the best and perfect. But no one is perfect. And was critized of my appearance a lot specialy if i was wearing a lot of make up
but i see sometimes much more people what had tune of make up and they are ok for people like stars,moderators etc. Coz i try to hide my real face wich i dont like actually hate. Interristing that on myself im so hard and others are for me beautiful only me not. Suicide this i was thinking many many times. Just propably i have to much high standarts also and i cant take it myself how im. Im thinking that i dont have only SA propably will be some mix like bonus why not isnt never enough of some more. People destroy my live this i know for sure.If i will get proffesional help i will see what come out but is very hard to stop hate myself and get healthy how others can likes u if they feel you hate your self?
punklove
Well-known member
Yes people in the past (especially throughout grades 4-9) have really said hurtful things to me about the way I look. Everything that they said, every comment they made has stayed with me and I believe them when they say I'm ugly.. Why people are so cruel I really don't know. I don't like the way I look but sometimes I won't hate everything about myself physically.. for instance I like my eyes but yeah it's really hard to get past how negatively I see myself.
but yeah it's really hard to get past how negatively I see myself.
EscapeArtist
Well-known member
Hey you're not alone. I was critisized and excluded because of the way I looked all the way through Elementary pretty harshly, and the beginning of high school lightly, by peer. The exclusion because of my looks is what really got to me.
I suffer with BDD, even though I don't believe I suffer with BDD, I just think I see the truth about myself and nobody else does. Weight issues mainly, 10 pounds overweight and I see myself as obese, even though consciously I know this isn't true. I would say that most of my house-bound-ness is because I do not feel comfortable in my body, especially outside in the view of others. So, as I said, you're not alone.
I suffer with BDD, even though I don't believe I suffer with BDD, I just think I see the truth about myself and nobody else does. Weight issues mainly, 10 pounds overweight and I see myself as obese, even though consciously I know this isn't true. I would say that most of my house-bound-ness is because I do not feel comfortable in my body, especially outside in the view of others. So, as I said, you're not alone.
well you know what to do then is to start positive affirmations and loving urself and accepting ur body, dont even judge urself in the mirror! ive been working on this myself as I believe my obsession with my calves caused this whole problem im slowly accepting myself and im getting better ;p
Pookah
Well-known member
I HATE my body. My face etc. I feel asymmetrical, fat, unfeminine. I am thinking seriously about some reconstructive surgery in the future when I get to my goal weight. I say reconstructive because what I am talking about is considered a deformity of sorts. Not random vain things, actual things that would improve my quality of life.
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Smurfette
Well-known member
I have always been the butt of the joke in class. Being ridiculed and having things thrown at me. When I finally turned 18, I got rhinoplasty and even though I feel better about myself, the damage is done and always with me. I am now in my 30's and just started braces. I find I'm always trying to "fix" myself physically to help me emotionally. I can see why people go through surgery after surgery. No surgery will fix the emotional damages. All I can say is focus on now, not then. Focus on the present, not the future. We can't undo anything, but rather create new and better memories!
Thanks for you all for sharing. Your comments were extremely helpful. The bottom line is I self loathe because I'm too tall for my weight and its something that hasn't changed for 35 years despite many efforts. I know I got the opposite problem most have with weight. But being underweight has just as many disadvantages believe it or not. I see myself as defective and ugly. And realistically statistically I am too thin for my height and don't feel comfortable in my skin. I feel like a circus freak or something. I don't feel like I can be myself because I don't want to be me. It's not imagined by the way, I'm 6'2" and about 165-180 lbs. I'm a bean pole. The real issue is I don't want to be me like this. I've done my best to work at gaining but it only goes so far. I got skinny genes in a bad way. I want to accept and love myself but how do you do that when deep down i've learned to despise and reject myself on account of feeling so negatively different? I do self-affirm. I tell myself I love and accept myself out loud. I try and I'm in therapy. All I ever wanted was to have an average weight for my height. Guess that is too much to ask for some people. So I'm workin on acceptance but I'm new to it and I suck. Does anybody have any thoughts/suggestions on acceptance?
Okay, royal - are you a girl or a boy?
You must remember that if you're a guy, others may be jealous if you're tall!!
If you're a girl, others may be jealous too!! You could be a basketball star or a model!!
'beanpole' can also be a term of endearment!! some people come up with nicknames for others, and actually it may be a weird and twisted way of showing they care about you!!
With so many people being obese/overweight I think many may be jealous!!
some beanpole guys and gals are actually very cute though!!
maybe it can help to find pics of people about your height & weight and stick'em on your fridge/somewhere visible? eg rockstars and film stars... some of those were real skinny too...
Also, layers. The way you dress. You can do a lot with color too, and fashion styles..
I've been skinny especially in my teens, then got some weight.. still have some skinny parts and some not-so-skinny parts lol... but you know what? some people openly admitted they're jealous! lol
He said, 'I'm not jealous of beautiful people or rich people, I'm jealous of people who can eat anything they want and never gain weight!!!'
(some asked about anorexia too, but only someone who might have had problems with similar things!! she went from overweight to way too skinny and such..)
my Dad had a problem when he switched over to healthier food that he lost weight too.. and his co-workers teased him a lot.. it has probably nothing to do with actual weight more with his trying to brainwash them into healthy living too, and he teases people too, so probably they thought it fair game.. heck, he came up with his own nickname and it was much worse than yours!!
/he was then angry when they called him like that lol../
It does depend a bit on what you eat etc. how much protein and carbs, and which ones.. do you work out, etc. you can build muscle, some guys on this forum can probably tell you more, and there's info online too..
I recommend the book Dealing with Difficult People if there's anyone who repeatedly teases you and you don't like it.. There's a chapter in it about it..
You must remember that if you're a guy, others may be jealous if you're tall!!
If you're a girl, others may be jealous too!! You could be a basketball star or a model!!
'beanpole' can also be a term of endearment!! some people come up with nicknames for others, and actually it may be a weird and twisted way of showing they care about you!!
With so many people being obese/overweight I think many may be jealous!!
some beanpole guys and gals are actually very cute though!!
maybe it can help to find pics of people about your height & weight and stick'em on your fridge/somewhere visible? eg rockstars and film stars... some of those were real skinny too...
Also, layers. The way you dress. You can do a lot with color too, and fashion styles..
I've been skinny especially in my teens, then got some weight.. still have some skinny parts and some not-so-skinny parts lol... but you know what? some people openly admitted they're jealous! lol
He said, 'I'm not jealous of beautiful people or rich people, I'm jealous of people who can eat anything they want and never gain weight!!!'
(some asked about anorexia too, but only someone who might have had problems with similar things!! she went from overweight to way too skinny and such..)
my Dad had a problem when he switched over to healthier food that he lost weight too.. and his co-workers teased him a lot.. it has probably nothing to do with actual weight more with his trying to brainwash them into healthy living too, and he teases people too, so probably they thought it fair game.. heck, he came up with his own nickname and it was much worse than yours!!
/he was then angry when they called him like that lol../
It does depend a bit on what you eat etc. how much protein and carbs, and which ones.. do you work out, etc. you can build muscle, some guys on this forum can probably tell you more, and there's info online too..
I recommend the book Dealing with Difficult People if there's anyone who repeatedly teases you and you don't like it.. There's a chapter in it about it..