"Being positive will bring good things to you..." Do you believe in this?

[Dark angel]

Today, a member of my family came home and suggested me to watch some youtube videos that a friend of hers recommended. The videos pretty much were about keeping a positve attitude and also revolved around the whole New Age movement, which is pretty much a way of thinking of how to find yourself and discovering that if you think in a positive way all the time, good things will come to you.


Here's the thing, at the beginning of this video I felt pretty identified because some of the people that offered testimony on the video said how much they used to not believe on themselves and how they felt pretty much useless until they started changing their "mind frame" so to speak. Eventually they started having a much more positive view toward the world and to the things they wanted to achieve or accomplish in life. Even when I felt attracted to the whole idea at the beginning because it was like watching myself in a mirror, I really couldn't hold it for too long and for some reason I laugh. Why? Because I have a problem with positive thinking, I have a problem with always mantaining a positive attitude towards life. My problem with this kind of thoughts is that when you start "believing in yourself" and thinking, "Oh, I'm capable of doing this!" "If others can do it, why can't I?". Finally you reunite ALL the courage to do that so much anticipiated thing that you've always wanted to and for some f**king reason, and all of the sudden...


... you fail!!! Then what you get? All that is left is dissapointment and a sense of anger you cannot shake off for as much as you want. And I don't say it always happen like this, sometimes having a positive attitude do help to make you feel better and things can go your way, but I guess what I'm trying to say is that positive reinforcement can be in someway, dangerous...
... I mean, not really really dangerous but is a risky business to your self-esteem if things don't go your way in the end. So in my case, even when for the most part I'm a pessimist, I prefer to keep a "neutral" attitude toward things and not having those expectations to high in case I fall. So, what about you, do you believe in keeping a positive view all the time, do you think it works, is it beneficial or as I said, harmful?

 

[FollowMe]

Re: "Being positive will bring good things to you..." Do you believe in this?

The idea is that even if you fail in your attempts, you should still be happy and thinking positively. Positive thinking is best tested through times of tribulation. Positive thinking doesn't necessarily mean an "I can achieve this" type of attitude. The "I can achieve this" mentality is one of the effects of positive thinking. Positive thinking is seeing light in the dark and being content in all situations.

Positive thinking is being content with the struggle rather than the outcome.

 

[IntheLabyrinth]

Re: "Being positive will bring good things to you..." Do you believe in this?

Thinking positive will help promote positive outcomes. At least I believe it will. I am still a pessimist because I find it hard to believe myself when I think positive. Think of it in terms of a sport. If you tell yourself that you're going to roll a strike in bowling for instance and you visualize a strike, chances are you may roll a strike. If you tell yourself you roll a gutter ball, it's likely you'll roll a gutter ball. Of course, this doesn't mean you'll definitely get the strike but there is a much better chance if you have a positive attitude. There is a book calll "the secret" that claims this type of positive thinking, which they call the law of attraction, will give you anything you want. I think they take it to far but the whole idea of believing in one's self efficacy does make sense to me, and I believe it does help one acheive what they are trying to acheive... As far as what followme is saying about always thinking positive just for the sake of being an optimist, I completely agree with him/her.

 

[SoScared]

Re: "Being positive will bring good things to you..." Do you believe in this?

I’m using a few ‘methods’ now and forever. The Law of Attraction works if you make it work for you. It seems simple but it takes some time and effort to really understand it. You manifest for what you want not what you don’t want. Unless you ‘let go’ it won’t work.

 

[ImNotMyIllness]

Re: "Being positive will bring good things to you..." Do you believe in this?

I'm just not in a rah rah mood.

 

[Satine]

Re: "Being positive will bring good things to you..." Do you believe in this?

I think that positive thinking is relative. I'm a student of a style of counselling called Transactional Analysis which is really good for understanding how people work and why they behave the ways they do. It almost always turns out that the reason people seem more successful than you is not as bad as you think and that the truth is more positive.

But we don't really focus on the idea of 'positive thinking'. Personally I approach the phrase warily because it can mean being unrealistically optimistic, even to the extent of forcing yourself to see things other than the way they truly are.

The good news is that anxiety makes a person see things as worse than they truly are. So while positive thinking might correct for that, it's not necessarily going to land you in a realistic mindset. For me, understanding how life really is, is the best way forward and I'd recommend it to anyone.

 

[laure15]

Re: "Being positive will bring good things to you..." Do you believe in this?

I think it depends on what your ambitions and goals are. If you want to ace an exam, using positive thinking can probably help you do well. But if your goal is to fly and have magic powers, then it doesn't matter how much positive thinking you have, you still won't be able to fly or have magic powers. Positive thinking go hand in hand with realistic, practical goals.

 

[Barrier]

Re: "Being positive will bring good things to you..." Do you believe in this?

No I don't.

 

[NathanielWingatePeaslee]

Re: "Being positive will bring good things to you..." Do you believe in this?

Strictly speaking, it's a true statement. I mean if you're convinced you will fail at something and that prevents you from trying, your negativity has made absolutely sure you will fail.

However, life is more complicated that positivity alone being enough to solve anyone's problems. Especially when those problems involve things like clinical depression or social anxiety.

 

[coyote]

Re: "Being positive will bring good things to you..." Do you believe in this?

i don't believe that positive thinking will solve our problems

i don't believe that negative thinking will solve our problems

i don't think that thinking will solve our problems

too much thinking is what causes our problems

the world is not inside our minds - it's out there

stop thinking and experience the world for how it really is

 

[FallenFeathers]

Re: "Being positive will bring good things to you..." Do you believe in this?

However, life is more complicated that positivity alone being enough to solve anyone's problems. Especially when those problems involve things like clinical depression or social anxiety.

I agree with this and also with what Coyote said. I really do believe people with social anxiety tend to dwell on stuff so much more, we over analyze everything and our focus becomes trapped internally instead of us actually being engaged with the world and the things around us.

I have done c.b.t a few times, and while I do agree with what Ive quoted above I do think it can help to at least be aware of just how destructive and biased some of our thinking can be. I don't really buy into positive thinking all that much, but I can buy into realistic thinking.

I know I have some thinking patterns which really aren't helpful and it might seem like common sense, but I think the problem is we do a lot of them sub consciously or automatically that we don't even realize were doing like

future predicting- "There's no point going out tomorrow, I know I won't be able to handle it"

Mind reading- "Oh god that person can tell how nervous I am, they must think I'm such a weirdo or freak"

Ignoring the positives/Mental filtering. We tend to just see the negative and discard positive things
"Oh that person only complimented me out of politeness

I think it is important to switch focus from internal to external, so maybe for some people dwelling on their thoughts might be counter productive, but I think for some others, fixing and addressing the under lying issues and thought patterns can help in reversing out introverted thinking.

 

[NathanielWingatePeaslee]

Re: "Being positive will bring good things to you..." Do you believe in this?

stop thinking and experience the world for how it really is

Indeed, over-thinking is a major problem. For me and perhaps anyone with anxiety issues.

Alas, it is not my only problem. Many times I have resolved myself to quit thinking about something social and just do it. I go, I socialize and interact, and everything seems to be going wonderfully when my brain just freezes up (from the pressure?) and in mid-conversation I suddenly feel panicky, or start blushing like mad, or forget whatever words were about to come out of my mouth.

Then I'm not thinking at all, just feeling. And it's still a bad thing. :sad:

 

[coyote]

Re: "Being positive will bring good things to you..." Do you believe in this?

Indeed, over-thinking is a major problem. For me and perhaps anyone with anxiety issues.

Alas, it is not my only problem. Many times I have resolved myself to quit thinking about something social and just do it. I go, I socialize and interact, and everything seems to be going wonderfully when my brain just freezes up (from the pressure?) and in mid-conversation I suddenly feel panicky, or start blushing like mad, or forget whatever words were about to come out of my mouth.

Then I'm not thinking at all, just feeling. And it's still a bad thing. :sad:

that's when practice and training come in

like people in the military or law enforcement

they practice doing stuff so that when they get into a stressful situation they don't have to think about what to do, they just go on autopilot

 

[NathanielWingatePeaslee]

Re: "Being positive will bring good things to you..." Do you believe in this?

What manner of training might you suggest? :thinking:

 

[coyote]

Re: "Being positive will bring good things to you..." Do you believe in this?

What manner of training might you suggest? :thinking:

you could watch a lot of television sitcoms

or try writing conversation topics on flash cards

or talk to people in internet chat rooms

or just keeping going out to parties and stuff

practice makes perfect

few people are born great conversationalists

they have to work at it just like everything else

 

[NathanielWingatePeaslee]

Re: "Being positive will bring good things to you..." Do you believe in this?

Hey, wait a sec.

We chat all the time. Are you saying I'm a lousy conversationalist? :sad:

 

[coyote]

Re: "Being positive will bring good things to you..." Do you believe in this?

Hey, wait a sec.

We chat all the time. Are you saying I'm a lousy conversationalist? :sad:

no, you're one of the best :thumbup:

i think everyone gets flustered or a little tongue-tied now and then in social situations - even the most polished social butterflies

the trick is to just laugh at yourself and relax until the moment passes

then jump back in again as soon as you feel comfortable

 

[Unspoken]

Re: "Being positive will bring good things to you..." Do you believe in this?

I believe it helps you to stay motivated far more than believing you'll fail from the start and will have gained nothing if you fail. I told someone recently who was afraid of taking music lessons to help him achieve a dream because he was afraid he'd fail that it's easier to amass experience than successes and to take any musical knowledge or experience he can get as a small success in itself. The same applies to what I do.

 

[kilojoule]

Re: "Being positive will bring good things to you..." Do you believe in this?

Positive thinking is not going to change anyone's life. Being pro-active however will.

 

[Ithior]

Re: "Being positive will bring good things to you..." Do you believe in this?

I had something similar happen to me a couple of days ago, I had studied well for a test and I was ready to ace it, I had watched a TED Talk about how making power poses can change your attitude even if it's just two minutes, and I was pretty calm and confident before starting the test and even while doing it. This was the second of two tests, which make up for the final grade (the first worth 40%, the second 60%).
The teacher even said we had all morning if we wanted to, so I just took it slow and made sure I was answering everything correctly (in the previous test I had rushed through it because I thought I didn't have time and got some stupid mistakes because of that).

Anyway I had already answered two out of three groups and I was going to start the toughest one when the teacher said we had to turn the tests in. I panicked since even though it was one in three groups, it was worth almost 50%. Needless to say I couldn't do anything properly because I was way too nervous, ended up writing some random formulas just to say I wrote something, even though I didn't even manage to understand the exercise completely.
So yeah, I was more confident than ever for this test and now it's going to be my worst mark in 2 years. I can still do an exam in February but it's basically the two tests together so I'll have to study everything again, and I have another exam the day after that. I'm also throwing away a pretty high mark that I got on my first test.

I guess my positive thinking didn't really work out for the best.

Edit: hmm for some reason I thought this was the Off-Topic Forum, so maybe this may be a bit off topic in this section. Sorry. Still, I wanted to vent that out so I'm not going to delete it.