Are people who are SA more socially competent than most

[KiaKaha]

What I mean is, since pretty much all of us here are socially uncomfortable, do you think that this causes people like us to be acutely aware and sensitive to how people are and how they interact? I actually think that people like us are far more knowledgable than most when it comes to social skills because in our quest to be more confident and socially accepted we study and analyze what it is we are doing wrong, and subsequently try to figure out how we can do things better. People who are comfortable and can win people over easily just "know" how to behave, but I dont think they are really aware of the whys and the hows...whereas I think we probably have more of an insight into human nature and how to get along with others...

I hope that makes sense, I am having severe articulation issues today...

Do you agree? Or do you have any thoughts about this?

 

[NathanielWingatePeaslee]

I disagree. Being oversensitive subtracts from competence instead of adding. Also, most of us tend to run instead of having more experiences and learning, which is where most of social competence comes from .

 

[EasySkanking]

I think you're on the right track.

If (err, "when") I do overcome SA, I'll be pretty much invulnerable to any kind of pain derived from social interactions (meaning embarassment, shame, shyness, bullies, etc.) That's one positive thing.

Something else to take into account is that by being shy and "kept-to-yourself", most of the time you're in some corner observing - so we become very observant and knowledgable of people's emotions, expressions, etc, and the nuances.

Both of these qualities - the imperviousness if we over come SA and "readibility" can be great tools for success

 

[Emma03]

What I mean is, since pretty much all of us here are socially uncomfortable, do you think that this causes people like us to be acutely aware and sensitive to how people are and how they interact? I actually think that people like us are far more knowledgable than most when it comes to social skills because in our quest to be more confident and socially accepted we study and analyze what it is we are doing wrong, and subsequently try to figure out how we can do things better. People who are comfortable and can win people over easily just "know" how to behave, but I dont think they are really aware of the whys and the hows...whereas I think we probably have more of an insight into human nature and how to get along with others...

I hope that makes sense, I am having severe articulation issues today...

Do you agree? Or do you have any thoughts about this?

I believe that people with SA (and depression/anxiety) are very insightful because of everything they go through and have to think about on a daily basis. I find that those with SA, depression, etc are the most interesting people to talk to.

 

[Rodney]

You seriously think people with SA are more socially competent? Really...

 

[coyote]

I agree with the tentacled mollusk up above

I think that part of our problem maybe that we tend to over-think things that should be instinctual, thereby making it awkward and affected rather than smooth and effortless.

and then there's the whole avoidance thing

 

[EasySkanking]

You seriously think people with SA are more socially competent? Really...

Read his post please :/

 

[NathanielWingatePeaslee]

I believe that people with SA (and depression/anxiety) are very insightful because of everything they go through and have to think about on a daily basis. I find that those with SA, depression, etc are the most interesting people to talk to.

Insightful? Possibly. Interesting to talk to? Often. More socially competent? No.

 

[KiaKaha]

Yes, thats what I was really trying to get at. It may not be true in all cases, but I think being quiet may mean that we tend to observe more...perhaps in the long run, arming ourselves a little better, and perhaps developing empathy...although I am not entirely sure its a good thing or not...it would be far more pleasant to just be in the moment and enjoy company rather than observing it and worrying...

 

[KiaKaha]

You seriously think people with SA are more socially competent? Really...

Of course I dont, thats not what I was saying...granted I could have titled it a little better...

 

[EasySkanking]

Yes, thats what I was really trying to get at. It may not be true in all cases, but I think being quiet may mean that we tend to observe more...perhaps in the long run, arming ourselves a little better, and perhaps developing empathy...although I am not entirely sure its a good thing or not...it would be far more pleasant to just be in the moment and enjoy company rather than observing it and worrying...

Of course I dont, thats not what I was saying...granted I could have titled it a little better...

True that... True that

 

[Rodney]

Being socially competent means you can carry out conversations and go with the flow when talking to people. This comes natural to the majority of people in the world but most SA suffers have no idea how to interact in real life. So why would we be more socially competent or more knowledgable? Being empathetic doesn't make you a better socializer.

 

[NathanielWingatePeaslee]

Being socially competent means you can carry out conversations and go with the flow when talking to people. This comes natural to the majority of people in the world but most SA suffers have no idea how to interact in real life. So why would we be more socially competent or more knowledgable? Being empathetic doesn't make you a better socializer.

Pr'aps if he were more socially competent he would have said what he meant better.

 

[KiaKaha]

Ok, I dont think you quite understand what I am getting at, but thats cool...communication and speaking well isnt really my thing... but I can understand why my thread is a little bit confusing. It was just a thought I had and wanted feedback. I do disagree quite strongly though that being empathetic does not make you a better socializer... trying to feel what another person is feeling builds trust and familiarity with others...at least, thats what I think...

 

[Feathers]

Well, I think that people with SA can be more socially competent, or less. It really depends on the person.

The whole SA thing seems to be fluid, some people seemed to be very sociable and then something happened and they got SA, some may have been SA from the beginning. Then there are many different reasons while people have SA - maybe some have Asperger's, some may just have had poor role models in communication from families, some may have had PTSD or BDD or other problems... or may have had problems with learning non-verbal communication.. Some may overcome these things, and then they can be more or less sociable than before too..
So it really depends on the person and their unique situation.

Some may learn things and get even 'better' than 'naturally sociable people', I agree.. The insight and observation skills and things learnt can improve the quality of conversations... And even 'sociable' people may ask for our opinions and advice and appreciate it and find it valuable..

Social intelligence or 'emotional intelligence' have many different components.. Even 'social competence' can be seen very differently by different people.. For some, being caring and attentive can be much more important than being 'loud' and talkative (!)
Different cultures may have different values too..

 

[EasySkanking]

^Well said

 

[Rodney]

read the post before replying!

I did read the post. How did you know that I didn't? I'm sorry to the OP for being blunt and rude just not having good day. Shouldn't have taken it out on you. I guess the title just really upset me because if I wasn't so socially awkward I wouldn't be... well, here on this site. Anyways "let bygones be bygones" or w.e. that saying is.

Peace.

 

[Sial Axetder]

I did read the post. How did you know that I didn't? I'm sorry to the OP for being blunt and rude just not having good day. Shouldn't have taken it out on you. I guess the title just really upset me because if I wasn't so socially awkward I wouldn't be... well, here on this site. Anyways "let bygones be bygones" or w.e. that saying is.

Peace.

Don't worry too much.
I am guilty of reading the subject/title of thread or someone's post incorrectly. Emotions run stronger than logic.
Before post, force a reread what you're replying to, then what you're writing.
takes longer, but comes out, hopefully, more polite.

(I'm Canadian so polite is me.)

 

[Silentknight]

We're definitely more courteous, polite, and observant then any other group of people. Competent? No. Unfortunately.

 

[Richey]

What I mean is, since pretty much all of us here are socially uncomfortable, do you think that this causes people like us to be acutely aware and sensitive to how people are and how they interact? I actually think that people like us are far more knowledgable than most when it comes to social skills because in our quest to be more confident and socially accepted we study and analyze what it is we are doing wrong, and subsequently try to figure out how we can do things better. People who are comfortable and can win people over easily just "know" how to behave, but I dont think they are really aware of the whys and the hows...whereas I think we probably have more of an insight into human nature and how to get along with others...

I hope that makes sense, I am having severe articulation issues today...

Do you agree? Or do you have any thoughts about this?

I can see what you are saying, but really i think if you condense this down i think alot of chatty people are perhaps equally as intelligent, i am sure extroverted people are thinking and puzzling their thoughts through all the time but they also have the practiced art of banter and they can access the vaults in their mind easily.

i think there alot of people who are good at small talk and conversation and humour but are also very narrow minded in their views. i see it all the time, where as perhaps a sensitve person in conversation may have more empathy.

but really who would you rather be? the person who is fully relaxed and being funny but is narrow minded and a bit arrogant and interesting or the quiet person with the empathy and has more of an open mind but nobody really hears their opinions and is a bit of a nerd that just exists?

both are valid personalities but of course the louder person will probably end up with more friends and will be more confident, generally.