Anyone Else out there Like Me??

[bsammy]

ok, heres the deal, ill try to make it short and sum things up..

1-im in my mid 30s, have a good job, stay in shape bit its all for nothing.

2-i have good social skills but i have recently come to the conclusion that socializing is something i simply dont or cannot enjoy..even with friends that have same interests after about 20 minutes of talking, my brain starts to fal asleep and i look for a way to get out of the situation.no amount of training or medication has helped this, in fact as i get older, i have gotten worse

3-since i lack ability to enjoy simple conversations i AVOID everyone if at all possible..i avoid family if i see them out and about..obviously people take this as me being an unfriendly person and i see their point but in reality, i just cannot force myself to socialize like normal people do.

4-i make friends quite easily as i can put on a great social mask..problem is, im about as outgoing as a slug..in reality i dont enjoy going out to clubs or bars or many other places...i have had many friends come in and out of my life and im now at the point where i might have 1-2 old friends i talk to.i have found that i simply dont have much to say anymore to these people and i dont like doing much so whats the point?however, this is where it gets weird, im not lonely but i also realize that the life im living seems off and that i should change, but how?

5-i must be the only male in in this world who thinks hooking up with a girl and having sex is overrated..i dont mean to brag but girls tend to like me but when i hook up with them, something is missing, the human connection.i get very little enjoyment out of hooking up with a girl and drinking, having sex etc etc..this again alienates me from most other men as thats all they live for but for me, its ehh..

6-i dont feel close to anyone in this life even though i have a very loving family..it doesnt matter how long i have been around someone, that 'click' never really happens and the bond never forms.

7-i enjoy very little in this life..i hate to say it but most days i just trudge through it to get to the end of the day..daydreaming is ok but for the most part, i just pass the time.

im not sure if im avoidant, schizoid, broken, if this is just who i am or what..just curious if anyone else out there is like me..

 

[ITcrowdfan]

I often feel the same way, but for me it's more that socializing drains me because of my anxiety. From what you're saying it sounds like you're more depressed then anxious? I know when I'm feeling depressed everything seems pointless and boring.

Apart from taking an anti-dep I'm trying to be more physically active, get more sun and I've joined a couple of social groups on meetup.com so I can meet people with similar interests.

 

[LazyHermitCrab]

Hi I'm a female, but I get what your coming from I think. Well I get bored pretty quickly in conversations too. It takes time to care about someone. If you have a lot of friends, it's not as good as having a few real friends. Also my boyfriend is the same way, luckily, like; he doesn't like to party and there are actually a lot of people who feel the same way. I think outgoing people are easier to get noticed, but the introverted people are there too, you just have to be really observant. Not saying all outgoing people are bad, but it's nice to have more introverted friends who can understand you better. Also I found that I don't change my situation if I'm not comfortable just because I'm used to it. (in the process of changing that) You might have the same problem. That's not right, because you should change your situation if you're not comfortable. Step out of your routine if you feel it's not right. Also I'm not in a certain religion, but a Deist and watching podcasts from more "moderate" churches has helped me feel better. Really though some times we are in a routine that's not meant for us and we have to find something better. It takes time, but you shouldn't force yourself if it's not making you happy. No need to impress people with a mask.

 

[Odo]

If you have no trouble talking to people then it's not social phobia-- if you had social phobia you might actually want to talk to people, but your phobia/anxiety would make it difficult or impossible.

It sounds to me like you're depressed because you're thirtysomething and stuck in a lifestyle better suited for a 22 year old. I would say stop looking for the answer in your routine and start doing thirtysomething things like learning a language or taking a dance class or a cooking class or something.

 

[lyricalliaisons]

It sounds like you're an introvert dealing with depression.

 

[Pacific_Loner]

I might be wrong but you just sound like a bored loner to me. If you're bored all day I guess you also have a boring full time job.

And being bored when you hang out with people doesn't mean that you should take medication or that you're depressed, some people are just happier alone.

What if you let go of the social norms (having an accomplished career, being outgoing, having friends, dating) and just do whatever you want (doing what you want to earn a living even if it's unstable, hanging out by yourself most of the time, going on adventures alone? etc)

 

[laure15]

I'm also an introvert who doesn't enjoy social interaction, not because I don't want to but because of the way I was wired. And because of this, people think I'm standoffish and unfriendly because I make an effort to avoid as much social interaction as possible. It also makes it harder to practice my social skills because I avoid social interaction in the first place. I don't believe in random hookups either.

 

[Lea]

It reminds me of the novel "Veronica wants to die".

 

[bsammy]

ive heard the term 'depression' brought up so many times but even that doesnt seem to fit me really..i have traits of depression but who doesnt?interestingly, i just read summary of veronica Wants to Die and im somewhat similar to head character, i should be full of life and ambitious and hungry but im not at all.i just seem to not want to live really but its not out of sadness, hard to explain.

i just read an article about a man who met a woman online and traveled 5 and a half hours to meet her..although i feel sorry for a man that has to go that length, i envy his determination and motivation to meet this woman..when women flirt with me when im out, i might play along a little but for the most part, i find it boring..i dont mean to sound like im gods gift to women, far from it but i just dont know why i dont have much desire to do much.

 

[coyote]

Boredom - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

it gets worse as you get older, unless you find things to interest you

 

[S_Spartan]

Yes, the "D" word(depression) gets thrown around way too much. I too feel the same way(minus the good job and women falling all over me). And what I feel is something more than depression. It's a dark night of the soul kind of feeling.
I spend a lot of time(because I have so much time!) thinking about philosophy and here are a couple of things that I've been thinking about:

1. Most people get their sense of fulfillment by serving society, a spouse(sometimes even an ex), children, a drug habit, money, etc. In other words it is through a subconscious servitude that most people find their joy of living. This is not some feel good exhortation to go out and start volunteering either as I know that when I help others I still feel just as sad but rather it's to say that there are some of us who simply are not hardwired to get a thrill from serving.
Thus why your job is not fulfilling because a job is just a fancy form of servitude to society.

2. I do now believe that there are some of us who have moved on "spiritually"(for lack of a better word) and now trinkets or mindless pursuits can no longer suffice our happiness. Therefore the suggestion "get a hobby" rings hollow.

So what are people like us supposed to do? I have no idea but I'm trying to figure it out. I am trying to forget the concept of happiness as it has been taught to me and trying to find a contentment that is still a foreign concept.
To put it another way: when one walks the emotion/spiritual desert one must learn to love the heat...

 

[bsammy]

its not even boredom although that comes close.its just that i find that when im talking to people, its just the same topics recycled..good post s spartan, spot on, its similar to a darkening of the soul or in my case, complete removal of the soul..i feel little if any empathy or closeness to others..volunteering or helping others out doesnt do much for me, helping others or making money or achieving physical fitness goals simply doesnt really fill me with enthusiasm..im getting older so maybe im jaded but ive been like this for a long time..

spartan-im at a loss as to how to fix this.