Anyone else feel worse after going out?

[Jannah]

When I go out to public places, especially where there are a lot of people I always feel worse. I always avoid eye contact with everyone unless I am speaking to someone and I get really uncomfortable if I feel like someone is looking at me or worse, if I know someone is looking at me.

I went to the mall today and absolutely hated it. The loud and obnoxious teenagers are always gonna be there so that didn't really affect me that much. But what I couldn't help but notice was how happy people were. I went into a clothing store and couldn't help but to hear the employees talking loudly hyper, singing, being silly, being super happy and confident. I know I could never work in a store like that. I felt so different from everyone in the mall today, like I am not a part of something.

A lot of times when I go out to crowded public places I have a feeling that I am on someone else's "turf", like I don't belong there, or am not good enough to be there. I know it has to do with my self esteem (as I have the lowest self esteem imaginable). I feel like I am so different compared to other people, I feel like an alien or something lol

Can anybody relate?

 

[illuminationSP]

I know exactly what you mean. Totally.

 

[Anomaly]

I've made a game of it the last few times I was out. I like to try and keep staring forward as I walk past people, it makes them very uncomfortable and they look down as they pass. I get a bit of enjoyment out of that, heh.

 

[Why]

i can relate

when im out by myself or my mom or somthing, i hate areas filled with "cool" groups of ppl hanging out, it seems like that area has high social standards, like im an outcast for not being with peers my own age. i get nervous and think every1 is lookin at me like im a loner

 

[recluse]

Totally! I am reminded constantly of how alone i am.

 

[dooby-duck]

Yes, I know exactly what you mean. I suppose it's seeing everyone being social seemingly without effort.

 

[mrb]

strangley enough its the other way with me i hate being at home all day , it does my nut in , but yes when i go out i dont really talk to anyone , and seeing couples all happy makes me a litte envious , probs cos i havent seen my gf for 4 months now , and when i do go for a meal or whatever sitting there on my own , well yea feel a bit .... you know ..

 

[Tlachtgha]

I often feel absolutely dreadful while out in public. I never feel more isolated and rejected.
In fact the closest I ever came to suicide was during one such "outing". I had the opportunity to jump off a dock I was walking along into the water - I came so close to actually doing it I felt traumatised by it for days afterwards.
I don't really know why I didn't do it but the primary reason (I think) was quite daft: it simply wasn't how I've always imagined doing it.

 

[AimeeSP]

Yep, i can relate hun! Whenever i'm out, say i go shopping for example, whoever i'm with is having a great time and can go in every shop and still want more and i'd crave to be just like them. I'd love to be able to enjoy these days out but i'm too worried people think horrible things of me. Then i go back home and rethink the whole day through and point out everything i done wrong and feel so stupid for it and wonder how stupid i must have come across, then slip into a really low mood. Fun times!

 

[Lorraine Manca]

im always really really happy to get home everyday, its like cutting off the noose thats been around my neck for eight hours

 

[agoraphobickatie]

i can feel like death while i'm inside the grocery store (or anywhere public) but AS SOON as i step out and get into the car to go home, i feel 100% fine! haha... safe to say, i feel pretty damn good when i get home from going out somewhere, it's like i just want to take a huge sigh of relief and take a nap or something, haha

 

[iamthenra]

Yeah, I feel that way too. I also feel much more frustrated and definitely more depressed when I see a cute/ pretty/ gorgeous/ beautiful woman, because I have always wanted a gf and when I see someone who I am attracted to, I get horribly depressed because I automatically assume that nobody would want a messed up freak like me, especially someone who is attractive, and I see all the confident guys around and I just know that I can't compete with that... So of course I just go home feeling very depressed and wish for death...

 

[Jannah]

Yeah, I feel that way too. I also feel much more frustrated and definitely more depressed when I see a cute/ pretty/ gorgeous/ beautiful woman, because I have always wanted a gf and when I see someone who I am attracted to, I get horribly depressed because I automatically assume that nobody would want a messed up freak like me, especially someone who is attractive, and I see all the confident guys around and I just know that I can't compete with that... So of course I just go home feeling very depressed and wish for death...

Yea me too, women I am attracted to make me feel so bad. I feel like **** when I am around them. I think they make me feel the worst

 

[WorldEndsWithMe]

Then i go back home and rethink the whole day through and point out everything i done wrong and feel so stupid for it and wonder how stupid i must have come across, then slip into a really low mood. Fun times!

This is me. Seriously. I'll be alright while I'm out, (well... as alright as someone with social anxiety can be right?) but it's what I get home that I get a sick to my stomach feeling. I think oh god, why did I say/do this? I looked so dumb, why can't I take it back? It's so depressing... I wish little things in life didn't eat at me so much. Because honestly no one probably even remembers that I tripped walking up the stairs or whatever it is that I did. Most probably didn't even notice or care.

 

[Rxqueen]

This is me. Seriously. I'll be alright while I'm out, (well... as alright as someone with social anxiety can be right?) but it's what I get home that I get a sick to my stomach feeling. I think oh god, why did I say/do this? I looked so dumb, why can't I take it back? It's so depressing... I wish little things in life didn't eat at me so much. Because honestly no one probably even remembers that I tripped walking up the stairs or whatever it is that I did. Most probably didn't even notice or care.

Ditto....I feel exactly the same way I'll be out have a torturous time walking around thinking ppl are laughing at me and judging me and then I'll go home and beat myself up mentally for all the stupid things i probably said or did....that's why whenever i get home from stuff like that i blast my music until i can't hear my own thoughts.....it always works for a couple hours.....

 

[Nocer]

my feet start to hurt since i walk around so much, there are so many people and i cant hear myself think because of all the voices coming in at the same time. Pretty miserable. Spent after finally coming home, and then i fall asleep. the end

 

[Pink_Paula]

I always feel worse when i get home, i think it's the stress of being out, trying so hard to be "normal" and not have a panic attack that when i get home my body just goes into thank gawd that's over mode. but i get headaches and feel tired once i'm indoors...no wonder i'm agoraphobic!

 

[FountainandFairfax]

I always feel worse when i get home, i think it's the stress of being out, trying so hard to be "normal" and not have a panic attack that when i get home my body just goes into thank gawd that's over mode. but i get headaches and feel tired once i'm indoors...no wonder i'm agoraphobic!

Yeah, I'm the same way, especially if I was really anxious and not very good at covering it-up on that particular outing. I feel like a big failure. Then if I'm lucky, I get a migraine.

But if I was low-stress, and pulled it off relatively well, it makes me feel good. But then I feel guilty for not being able to have more days like that. Ha Ha

SA is so great. GodIloveit.

 

[Pink_Paula]

But if I was low-stress, and pulled it off relatively well, it makes me feel good. But then I feel guilty for not being able to have more days like that. Ha Ha

SA is so great. GodIloveit.

I'm exactly the same, if i manage to have a good experience when i'm out, when i get home i start beating myself up, like why can't i do that all the time, SA rocks lol