Anxiety, life, and job hunting

[Emerald1]

I am struggling with, well, everything about life. I often wonder how people just automatically know how to do "adult things". For example, a lot of my friends have gotten jobs at health care facilities for the summer. How do they know how to apply? Or when to apply. How do people just KNOW how to make a good resume? I do job searches online and I can't find anything and have no idea how to ask or who to ask. I have NO support and I am an only child. I feel like everyone else has lived life before and know whats going on and I'm brand new and stupid. I applied for one job in the last year and it was the most overwhelming thing in the world. I needed a month to recover. It's so difficult to talk to people and worse to be rejected. Even if I wanted to try, I have no idea how to. I feel like it was a mistake that I made it into the world. I can't operate like a normal person. I'm so sick of being 27 and feeling 10 and knowing that I don't have the life skills to change it.

I hope this is in the correct forum. This situation is clearly a result of debilitating anxiety for over 15 years so I think it is.. sorry if not :sad:

 

[Pacific_Loner]

Hello... I used to feel the same way, so I think I understand your situation. You really need to get over "what are they thinking of me" because this is really, REALLY getting in the way. You won't get anything done if you dwell on assumptions that people are judging you and have a bad opinion of you. It just keeps you from living your life the way you want. You need to find a way to stop caring about what strangers think of you, and you need to find a way to lower down the impact of what people you care about think of you.

About your resume, if you google "resume template" or something like that, you'll get a lot of templates to make yours. Just pick one you like. I don't know if there is such thing where you live, but where I live there is local employment centers where you can go and they have computers and people who will help you to write your resume and show you tools for your job searching.

This is normal to feel inadequate when you are doing something for the first time, or something you don't do very often. Most people know that, so they are less embarrassed to ask for help. There is no shame in asking for help even for something you considere people your age should be able to do by themselves. You'll do it by yourself next time. it doesn't really matter that you can't operate like a normal person because the only way you can end up being functional is that you get over the fear and the shame of being inadequate and try anyway, and try again until you get there.

 

[Emerald1]

Thank you very much for your answer. It was actually just what I needed to hear. I went to a place today that helps with employment opportunities and asked a bunch of questions that I had and it really helped. You are absolutely correct when you say that I need to "get over "what are they thinking of me" because this is really, REALLY getting in the way". It is interesting because I didn't realize the extent of how much that is holding me back. Since I read your post I've been trying to be more conscious of how I feel and my thoughts about "people pleasing". Its very freeing when you stop caring so much about what others think of you.

So I have a resume now; a resume that I feel comfortable with. I am going to start applying soon. Thank you very much, again, for your support and insight.

<3 Em

 

[awkwardamanda]

Sounds like my life in a nutshell. I've often felt like I've been sheltered and I just don't know the things other people do either. I'm job hunting too and it is grueling. Just getting started was overwhelming. I was anxious and depressed about the whole situation. I got stuck in retail long after finishing university. The big issue was that my only potential references were from that store and I couldn't just say that I want a new job and I need a reference. It has always baffled me how anyone just goes and looks for a job whenever they decide it's time to leave. The only way is to keep quiet and use past bosses as references. But you have to have to keep in touch with them. So how does anyone get to that point? How do people get past that first job? I've read plenty of job search tips but that is something I still haven't figured out. Anybody who has issues socializing is gonna have trouble. So yeah, that held me back for a long time. The store closed and that forced me to look for something else. It is stressful as hell. The constant rejection (including not being called back) has only made me more depressed and more anxious. That makes it harder to focus on job hunting. It's a vicious cycle.

 

[fate12321]

Yeah I feel you. I'm about to go job hunting as well. I really don't have no experience, no skill, and my resume is practically blank. I've been looking online for jobs, but mostly their all retail and fast food chains... no thanks.

 

[Janeypod]

I'm 50 years old and still feel that way. The job I'm in now is in danger and I'm sick with fear at the thought of being back on the jobs market. The only reason I stayed in my present job is down to my utter terror of interviews so I understand completely what you say, you hit the nail on the head completely when you say some people just seem to know how to do adult things. That 'getting over what people think of me' hurdle is one I don't feel I'll ever be able to overcome and I'm getting worse. However good on you for overcoming your fears and going out there and trying! I wish you every success.

 

[lilmutegirl]

I completely understand feeling that other people know how to do adult things. I am 32, and have never completely felt like an adult. I am glad that I currently have two jobs, so if something happens to one of them, I still have income...However, I know people my age and younger who have full-time jobs with benefits (mine are both part-time) and they seem to sail through life. I often look at others, marveling at the fact that they don't appear to be fretting over things I do. However, I have come to realize that maybe I just don't see their inner struggles, as I'm sure they are unaware of mine. Also, they could have overcome things, and prepared for situations behind the scenes.
In my (limited) experience, getting out and doing whatever it is you need to do is the best way to learn how to do it. If you don't know how, find someone to ask.
It sounds like you are well on your way. Maybe you will gain new experiences when you get a job and feel more comfortable with resumes/job hunting/references in the future. Good luck!

 

[Emerald1]

It seems like I'm not alone when I say that most people just seem to easily know what they are doing in life. Im both relieved that Im not alone and sad that others have to know what it feels like too I find it almost fascinating how life seems to flow so easily and naturally for the majority of people.. like progression is always happening and no one gets stuck in the same place for too long.. it seems to be effortless and natural. I wish it was like that for me too. It feels like the world wants to offer them something and maybe forgot about me? Im sick of being so stuck

Thank you for all of your wonderful replies <3 <3 as well as the time you took to read my post.

 

[Ithior]

Started job hunting recently as well. I sent one CV so far (last week), no answer yet. I'm not sure I want to start working though. I mean, I want to earn my money and stop living with my mum, but I can't handle a full-time job. My anxiety makes it hard to be in social situations for longer than 4 hours, so an 8 hour job would be nerve-wracking every single day. I could search for part-time jobs, but they're for call centers or sales, both of which require personality traits I simply don't have. One issue I have is that every single job ad asks for dynamic, proactive and talkative people. I'm none of those.
I might be a bit dynamic, but definitely not proactive nor talkative.

I also don't know where to look. My friends get these jobs to which I never saw ads or anything, so I'm guessing they're either connections they have or they just sent their CV to the company before it started recruiting. I have no idea where to send CVs to if I don't have a list of the companies.

If I could choose I'd go for a part-time or full-time job close to home, no more than 20 minutes away on foot. I guess I'll take a walk tomorrow around this area and leave CVs in places I wouldn't mind working.

 

[LazyHermitCrab]

Hey aww I know how you feel. Did you go to college? At my college there's a way to look for jobs in a database. Do you have access to something like that? About your resume there are a ton of resume templates like pacific loner mentioned. It's really hard to find a job but don't just take any job. Make sure it's a good fit for you! Uhh so my situation is I'm still in college looking for a job too. If you don't have call back you should do an internship until you have enough experience. You can do this!!!!! lol hyper cuz it's late over here