Another new soul.

[savagewisdom]

Hey there.
I recently found this website and decided to take the plunge and introduce myself to my fellow socially anxious, kindred spirits. I hope this place offers me a bit of solace as I navigate and familiarize myself with it.

I want to vent about my a major thing that has plaguing my mind as of late:
I feel old and as though I've wasted the better part of my life enslaved by depression and social anxiety. I feel quite pathetic for my idle existence.
People preach about living life to the fullest and while I agree with the sentiment I can't help but cringe a little because it's so hard when you have few friends, depression, and social anxiety.
It seems that others gain experience through the assistance of friends and family and oooh yay, pathetic me has spent a good chunk of their life in solitude. I am introverted and do enjoy my alone time but it gets to a certain point where I desire human interaction. The trouble is I don't have many resources.
I know others say that you have to take responsibility for your happiness but I still feel like everyone relies on someone else at least to an extent.
I hate myself deeply and feel that I don't have desirable qualities. I am very depressed. Waking up is the most painful part of my day. I feel a painful inner ache upon gaining consciousness. I feel dead inside. I've been depressed for a decade or so, so you know, this sh*t is clinical. I have little energy most of the time and everything feels like a chore. I swear, a great deal of the time I feel like I'm running 20 marathons a day!
Despite these feelings I do manage to bike, walk, practice yoga, meditate, read, attempt to write, attempt to doodle, clean up after myself, but all of the effort I muster just isn't enough. Life is so hard.
I'm pretty useless. I've applied at many different places and have failed to hear back from anyone. I even resolved to give retail jobs a try (which I think is commendable, given the major social anxiety) but whoa hey, didn't even hear back from them.
I don't know how to get my foot in the door of anything when I feel like I have no support and majorly debilitating mental illnesses.
I resent myself for having social anxiety. I wish I could wipe away these feelings, but as you all probably know all too well, it's just not that easy.
I feel like I'm a waste. I have no talents, so skills, no redeemable qualities.
I'm more or less a baby. What a pitiful creature I am.

I'd like to cultivate opportunities! I want energy. I want to feel alive and not as if I'm decaying on the inside.

I'd also really like more support, more friends.

If you took the time to read, thank you.

 

[jc972]

Hi there, welcome to SPW.

 

[PerseverareJasmine]

I'm sorry you've been feeling that way. Hopefully you enjoy the forum, and can find the support that you're looking for.

 

[Xervello]

Hey there.
I recently found this website and decided to take the plunge and introduce myself to my fellow socially anxious, kindred spirits. I hope this place offers me a bit of solace as I navigate and familiarize myself with it.

I want to vent about my a major thing that has plaguing my mind as of late:
I feel old and as though I've wasted the better part of my life enslaved by depression and social anxiety. I feel quite pathetic for my idle existence.
People preach about living life to the fullest and while I agree with the sentiment I can't help but cringe a little because it's so hard when you have few friends, depression, and social anxiety.
It seems that others gain experience through the assistance of friends and family and oooh yay, pathetic me has spent a good chunk of their life in solitude. I am introverted and do enjoy my alone time but it gets to a certain point where I desire human interaction. The trouble is I don't have many resources.
I know others say that you have to take responsibility for your happiness but I still feel like everyone relies on someone else at least to an extent.
I hate myself deeply and feel that I don't have desirable qualities. I am very depressed. Waking up is the most painful part of my day. I feel a painful inner ache upon gaining consciousness. I feel dead inside. I've been depressed for a decade or so, so you know, this sh*t is clinical. I have little energy most of the time and everything feels like a chore. I swear, a great deal of the time I feel like I'm running 20 marathons a day!
Despite these feelings I do manage to bike, walk, practice yoga, meditate, read, attempt to write, attempt to doodle, clean up after myself, but all of the effort I muster just isn't enough. Life is so hard.
I'm pretty useless. I've applied at many different places and have failed to hear back from anyone. I even resolved to give retail jobs a try (which I think is commendable, given the major social anxiety) but whoa hey, didn't even hear back from them.
I don't know how to get my foot in the door of anything when I feel like I have no support and majorly debilitating mental illnesses.
I resent myself for having social anxiety. I wish I could wipe away these feelings, but as you all probably know all too well, it's just not that easy.
I feel like I'm a waste. I have no talents, so skills, no redeemable qualities.
I'm more or less a baby. What a pitiful creature I am.

I'd like to cultivate opportunities! I want energy. I want to feel alive and not as if I'm decaying on the inside.

I'd also really like more support, more friends.

If you took the time to read, thank you.

I could've written that myself. Minus the yoga. The circumstances suck. There's no other way to perceive it than that. Unless one wants to compare it to some starving or abused child in a third world country. Or first world, for that matter. But that still doesn't take away your problems. Or mine. They're still here. We're entitled to feel crappy about them. I keep looking for a resolution of some sort to mine. I hope you can find some for yours. Know that you're not alone. And I admire you for keeping on like you are and having made it this far. I look forward to reading more from you. Good luck.

Btw, I doubt the no talents/no skills part of it. You're very articulate and thoughtful. Those both spring from some well of creativity. I just dunno how marketable they may be, lol. And I identify with the baby remark. All the time it feels like I'm still in kindergarten as far as life experiences are concerned, whereas everyone else has graduated already. Sound familiar?

 

[Lexus199]

Hey there.
I recently found this website and decided to take the plunge and introduce myself to my fellow socially anxious, kindred spirits. I hope this place offers me a bit of solace as I navigate and familiarize myself with it.

I want to vent about my a major thing that has plaguing my mind as of late:
I feel old and as though I've wasted the better part of my life enslaved by depression and social anxiety. I feel quite pathetic for my idle existence.
People preach about living life to the fullest and while I agree with the sentiment I can't help but cringe a little because it's so hard when you have few friends, depression, and social anxiety.
It seems that others gain experience through the assistance of friends and family and oooh yay, pathetic me has spent a good chunk of their life in solitude. I am introverted and do enjoy my alone time but it gets to a certain point where I desire human interaction. The trouble is I don't have many resources.
I know others say that you have to take responsibility for your happiness but I still feel like everyone relies on someone else at least to an extent.
I hate myself deeply and feel that I don't have desirable qualities. I am very depressed. Waking up is the most painful part of my day. I feel a painful inner ache upon gaining consciousness. I feel dead inside. I've been depressed for a decade or so, so you know, this sh*t is clinical. I have little energy most of the time and everything feels like a chore. I swear, a great deal of the time I feel like I'm running 20 marathons a day!
Despite these feelings I do manage to bike, walk, practice yoga, meditate, read, attempt to write, attempt to doodle, clean up after myself, but all of the effort I muster just isn't enough. Life is so hard.
I'm pretty useless. I've applied at many different places and have failed to hear back from anyone. I even resolved to give retail jobs a try (which I think is commendable, given the major social anxiety) but whoa hey, didn't even hear back from them.
I don't know how to get my foot in the door of anything when I feel like I have no support and majorly debilitating mental illnesses.
I resent myself for having social anxiety. I wish I could wipe away these feelings, but as you all probably know all too well, it's just not that easy.
I feel like I'm a waste. I have no talents, so skills, no redeemable qualities.
I'm more or less a baby. What a pitiful creature I am.

I'd like to cultivate opportunities! I want energy. I want to feel alive and not as if I'm decaying on the inside.

I'd also really like more support, more friends.

If you took the time to read, thank you.

That sounds a lot like something I would say except I don't know how to ride bikes and I can't draw. I went on a trip recently that made me do a lot of thinking. Things are either stagnant or decaying in my life. I've been too complacent because I'm averse to taking risks of any kind and there's a strange sort of comfort to be found in the routine cycles of depression and anxiety. I recently decided to change up things in my life. I hope you can figure out what you want and need. Feel free to PM me for support, chit chat or whatever.

Regardless welcome!

 

[ImNotMyIllness]

Welcome to the forum! I can definitely relate. I guess just try not to waste anymore time ruminating over the past because then you're wasting the present. Do your best. Maybe you can join a meetup in your area (Find your people - Meetup).

Don't blame yourself for not being able to land a job-the market really sucks right now. Just keep moving forward.

 

[savagewisdom]

I'm sorry you've been feeling that way. Hopefully you enjoy the forum, and can find the support that you're looking for.

Thanks for the response. I believe I can already feel the support
I'm trying to stay positive and hopeful. What else can you do?

 

[savagewisdom]

I could've written that myself. Minus the yoga. The circumstances suck. There's no other way to perceive it than that. Unless one wants to compare it to some starving or abused child in a third world country. Or first world, for that matter. But that still doesn't take away your problems. Or mine. They're still here. We're entitled to feel crappy about them. I keep looking for a resolution of some sort to mine. I hope you can find some for yours. Know that you're not alone. And I admire you for keeping on like you are and having made it this far. I look forward to reading more from you. Good luck.

Btw, I doubt the no talents/no skills part of it. You're very articulate and thoughtful. Those both spring from some well of creativity. I just dunno how marketable they may be, lol. And I identify with the baby remark. All the time it feels like I'm still in kindergarten as far as life experiences are concerned, whereas everyone else has graduated already. Sound familiar?

Right? I don't like to discount or invalidate anyone's feelings by saying something like, "WELL GEE YOU DINGUS, COULD BE WORSE. GOD WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU???? YOU ARE SO STUPID! So do you feel better from my solid advice? WELL YOU SHOULD, YOU F*CKING PIECE OF SH*T. I bestowed a gem of wisdom onto you." Feeling bad sucks no matter the circumstances. Although that's not to say it isn't helpful to keep in mind that others have it worse and to take the time to be appreciative of your blessings, but you know...telling someone that they are a fool and have nothing to feel bad about does'n't really accomplish anything.
Yes, I do feel that I'm still in the kindergarten class of life experience. It's good to be reminded that I'm not alone. I spend so much time alone that I forget that I'm not...alone ;P
Thanks for taking the time to respond. I appreciate it!

 

[savagewisdom]

That sounds a lot like something I would say except I don't know how to ride bikes and I can't draw. I went on a trip recently that made me do a lot of thinking. Things are either stagnant or decaying in my life. I've been too complacent because I'm averse to taking risks of any kind and there's a strange sort of comfort to be found in the routine cycles of depression and anxiety. I recently decided to change up things in my life. I hope you can figure out what you want and need. Feel free to PM me for support, chit chat or whatever.

Regardless welcome!

Whether or not I draw ~well~ is up for debate. Where did you go on your trip?
I know what you mean about taking comfort in routine, even if the routine causes dissatisfaction. I think I know what I need, it's just a matter of manifesting it at this point.
I may take you up on your PM offer.
Thanks for the welcoming!

 

[savagewisdom]

Thanks all for the acknowledgment.

 

[NathanielWingatePeaslee]

I feel old and as though I've wasted the better part of my life enslaved by depression and social anxiety. I feel quite pathetic for my idle existence.

Yep. I often feel the same myself. It's a common thing around here.

I hate myself deeply and feel that I don't have desirable qualities.

Well, you write well. Really. And we have a thread for 'post your art' around here somewhere.

I am very depressed. Waking up is the most painful part of my day. I feel a painful inner ache upon gaining consciousness. I feel dead inside. I've been depressed for a decade or so, so you know, this sh*t is clinical.

Yep again. Most of us here struggle with depression to some degree or other. I certainly do.

I've applied at many different places and have failed to hear back from anyone. I even resolved to give retail jobs a try (which I think is commendable, given the major social anxiety) but whoa hey, didn't even hear back from them.

Ah yes. Feeling like you suck is one thing. Getting rejected over and over by companies makes it feel official. Job hunting is such a delightful process.

"Sell yourself! Tell us why we should hire you!"

"I don't know. I suck." :sad:

I'd also really like more support, more friends.

I hope you find some.

 

[Pacific_Loner]

I feel like I'm a waste. I have no talents, so skills, no redeemable qualities.
I'm more or less a baby. What a pitiful creature I am.

I'd like to cultivate opportunities! I want energy. I want to feel alive and not as if I'm decaying on the inside.

Excuse me, but your depression and fatigue sound like a big part of your misery. Have you ever tried to go scientific about it? I used to think depression was indissociable from my personnality, which, as I know now, is wrong. And kind of absurd. If you make some research, you might find out how to get rid of this annoying part of you.

Key word: depression and diet

"Sell yourself! Tell us why we should hire you!"

"I don't know. I suck." :sad:

Story of my life

 

[mismeek]

Hi! welcome!

 

[savagewisdom]

Excuse me, but your depression and fatigue sound like a big part of your misery. Have you ever tried to go scientific about it? I used to think depression was indissociable from my personnality, which, as I know now, is wrong. And kind of absurd. If you make some research, you might find out how to get rid of this annoying part of you.

Key word: depression and diet



Story of my life

I've recently started improving my diet. I'm doing the best that I can considering my budget. I know diet plays a huge role but there are specific contributing factors. Which yeah, I'm sure I'd be able to manage better with proper nutrition...
What's your diet like? Any tips?

 

[savagewisdom]

Hi! welcome!

Hey, hey hey!

 

[singing-love]

Hi, welcome to the forum !

 

[savagewisdom]

Hi, welcome to the forum !

Hey, you.
Thanks

 

[singing-love]

Hey, you.

Thanks

Your welcome, I've read your initial post and I hope you find the friends and support you are searching for here. I hope that your life begins to turn around for the better! Thanks for sharing with us .

 

[savagewisdom]

Your welcome, I've read your initial post and I hope you find the friends and support you are searching for here. I hope that your life begins to turn around for the better! Thanks for sharing with us .

I have hope that it will. I can feel that I've entered in yet another new phase of my life. I can feel the shift, if that makes sense.
I hope your life is going well.

 

[singing-love]

I have hope that it will. I can feel that I've entered in yet another new phase of my life. I can feel the shift, if that makes sense.

I hope your life is going well.

I'm glad to hear some positivity, I understand what you mean by being able to feel the shift, good for you . My life is hectic, but it could be worse thanks for asking. I hope that yours is going well or at least on the road to improvement! If you ever want to chat feel free to PM me, my doors always open . Anyway, I've rambled enough!