Am I boring?

[dannyboy65]

I realized I have been on a dating site for over a year and yet I had no replies or messages. I don't seem to have anything in common with a girl, and I'm not to bad looking. I love comic books, movies (especially horror), video games, drawing, and music (I play 3 instruments). I don't know if I'm just boring or not attractive. The other night my mom told me I should get a girlfriend because I've been single for pretty much 4 years. Its been a long time and I moved on years ago I've been playing cool with the ladies being myself but in the end I always end up the friend. I talked to my life coach today about the topic and he thinks its something we will work on. We covered it before but not in great detail, but seeing where my life is I think I am ready. My anxiety is in check, I'm rarely depressed now, I'm top of my class in marks, and I have a few friends now. So who knows maybe I'm just boring, but I want someone to like me for me.

 

[inspirer]

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[dannyboy65]

I don't have much to add except I feel the same as you. I'm in my early 30's now so being single presents its own problems. I'm a late bloomer and haven't developed that well socially, so I think of myself as boring in conversation. Since that is how people first develop relationships, this is where I have a major hurdle.

How do you feel your conversations go with women in general? I know I struggle without knowing what or how to say it, I don't have the experience which makes for awkward moments.

First I got to add awesome picture and second. My conversations with women are awkward unless its typing. Face to face though I have struggles keeping a conversation. There is one girl I like who also has autism like me but when we talk it is only short and brief. Even though I wish I could talk to her more, but when we are online we talk all night. So its hard to tell if she likes me.

 

[Metal_isthe_Answer]

I don't have much to add except I feel the same as you. I'm in my early 30's now so being single presents its own problems. I'm a late bloomer and haven't developed that well socially, so I think of myself as boring in conversation. Since that is how people first develop relationships, this is where I have a major hurdle.

How do you feel your conversations go with women in general? I know I struggle without knowing what or how to say it, I don't have the experience which makes for awkward moments.

I just turned 30 in August, I'm not sure what problems you're describing though, for me it's just really depressing because I've been single for so long. I've recently found myself interested in someone who is apparently somewhat of a pothead, I see that and I'm like "nah I don't think so" but then I think considering how long I've been single I should overlook it, and more than weed I really hate heavy drinkers. In the case of this person, there's a lot about her I like, it's damned confusing

 

[inspirer]

*deleted message

 

[bsammy]

dannyboy-there are many guys out there with very similar hobbies as you and they have girlfriends..do you like to go out anywhere besides doing your introverted hobbies?imo its pretty important at least in the beginning of a relationship to try and be more outgoing and energetic..most girls are not into horror movies and the hobbies you describe so you must find what they are into and sort of blend in and try those things..i just think its so important for a guy to be enthusiastic and fun to entice a girl..i know in the past when i wasnt that social or outgoing women that initially found me attractive would just move on to other more outgoing guys..

tbh i am a pretty boring person so should we try to be someone else in order to keep women?

 

[dottie]

I don't do personal ads but I work in a field which practices the same principles of selling something (visual/text/etc). You need to sell yourself to her. Illustrate yourself in a way that is 100% true to you and, EQUALLY IMPORTANT, illustrate what is in it for her. You are probably looking for a girl gamer... is it true? If so, try to make your ad sound exciting to a female gamer... like, "Hey sexy ladies, I am looking for a girl who can hold her own in Dungeons and Dragons" insert your fav game (this stuff is so foreign to me, can you tell? LOL)

"The perfect date would be to have some pizza and a World of Warcraft marathon. I will even let you kick my ***." Things like that. That will attract girls that like to stay in, like to be fed, like to game... Make it fun and alluring and about her. Talk about how you would like someone to go to ComicCon with or whatever you like to do. Inspire her to want to be adventurous with you. (Don't push to game with her on the first night, though, that would be creepy.)

This is a little incoherent, I'm too lazy to rephrase... but still, hope this helps.

 

[PugofCrydee]

You seem to have some important things going well in your life currently, that's good.
The possibility remains though that you simply may not have crossed paths with the right person yet.
When you do meet someone who you are compatible with you won't feel the need to make such a huge effort, it'll happen a little more naturally.
The big thing here is your putting yourself out there to find someone. There is also the possibility that maybe you're looking in the wrong places for Miss compatible.
Eventually...sooner or later, I'm betting you'll find someone

 

[Metal_isthe_Answer]

Sounds like me too, takes a lot of pressure off and also get more time to think before I say something in personable conversations. Since you mention she may have autism, maybe she's shy, have you ever thought about asking her if she would like to get together for something casual?



I mean social development. Most people go through the norms of life by experiencing it at certain ages. I was so shy in my teenage years, and that held me back pretty bad. And it really doesn't look good being in the 30's to the standard person. Not many women are attacted to men who are immature in relationships.
This girl you talk about being somewhat of a pothead, that's something I could look past if you liked her and it's only "somewhat". I think alcohol is unhealthier than pot, but pot is looked upon society worse due to being "taboo".

I get you're reasoning with social development, I had stuff I wanted to accomplish by now, and watching nearly all of my friends be far more successful than me, seemingly so much easier than me, is quite depressing.
I think I could over look pot too actually, it's not as though I haven't been seriously tempted to do it myself on more than one occasion, I think my opinion of stuff like that is so low because I've lived with an alcoholic since around 1998 or 1999 (and yes I agree, alcohol is way worse).

 

[Marshmallow]

I don't really believe people are boring, since the definition varies by person, it really says more about the other person than you. Unfortunately there are trends in what people find interesting though. You can probably come across as less boring to people, even who don't share your interests, by exuding a certain personality as well.

 

[Hellhound]

Video games or drawing aren't uncommon hobbies. You could join forums or Facebook groups of your interests and meet people there.

 

[dannyboy65]

Thank you for all the replies! Yea its a little odd with this girl, we both have autism and similar interests I'm just scared to ask her to hangout. I also find it hard to tell if she likes me.

 

[bsammy]

I don't really believe people are boring, since the definition varies by person, it really says more about the other person than you. Unfortunately there are trends in what people find interesting though. You can probably come across as less boring to people, even who don't share your interests, by exuding a certain personality as well.

oh i definitely believe there are very boring people out there as i have met them lol..im talking about people that literally talk very slowly, show absolutely no enthusiasm or energy during a conversation..they also seem to only talk about work or single topics..they do exist and you will want to avoid these pitfalls..

we have defined boring but how many people are 'exciting'?honestly, who lives an exciting life that you know?what do they do?honestly, most people i know live fairly typical 9-5 lives...

 

[bsammy]

Thank you for all the replies! Yea its a little odd with this girl, we both have autism and similar interests I'm just scared to ask her to hangout. I also find it hard to tell if she likes me.

hmm you both have autism?i imagie it would be extremely difficult to tell if she is interested or not..its sometimes hard to tell if normal women are interested much less those that have problems displaying emotion and reading it..

 

[dannyboy65]

hmm you both have autism?i imagie it would be extremely difficult to tell if she is interested or not..its sometimes hard to tell if normal women are interested much less those that have problems displaying emotion and reading it..

That made me feel relieved. You sort of understand how hard it is for us. On top of that I don't think she's ever had a date.

 

[Flowers-Of-Bloom]

You don't sound boring at all danny, not many people can play 3 instruments! :applause:

 

[dannyboy65]

You don't sound boring at all danny, not many people can play 3 instruments! :applause:

Thank you

 

[Hellhound]

Thank you for all the replies! Yea its a little odd with this girl, we both have autism and similar interests I'm just scared to ask her to hangout. I also find it hard to tell if she likes me.

Remember not to directly bring up the dating topic. Make friends with her, then you can think of what to do next

 

[dannyboy65]

Remember not to directly bring up the dating topic. Make friends with her, then you can think of what to do next

That's what I have been working on for a year

 

[Kiwong]

No you are not boring