Am I a bad person?

[Earthcircle]

I am 48 years old, and have almost no friends. Hardly anyone likes me. I have had over a decade of psychotherapy with no positive result. A few therapists even refused to work with me, because they find me offensive. This is a general pattern: many people find me offensive and exhibit explosive rage directed at me. But why? I have never understood why. I never see the rage coming, because, from my perspective, I don't do anything to make people angry. This raises a very serious question: Am I a bad person? If so, should I even be walking the Earth? I have never understood people, and am very frightened of them. The isolation is horrible, but the feeling that I am a bad person is also horrible perhaps even more so.

 

[ImNotMyIllness]

No. Nothing you've stated makes you a bad person. You (like many of the rest of us) have trouble connecting and establishing relationships with other people.
You're in good company.

 

[coyote]

...because, from my perspective, I don't do anything to make people angry...

my guess is that you tend to say or do things that you are not aware are offensive

maybe you have not learned that these things are socially unacceptable

perhaps you suffer from a condition or disorder that makes it difficult to understand or recognize normal social cues

this doesn't make you a bad person

you can learn to overcome these problems

 

[Earthcircle]

my guess is that you tend to say or do things that you are not aware are offensive

maybe you have not learned that these things are socially unacceptable

perhaps you suffer from a condition or disorder that makes it difficult to understand or recognize normal social cues

this doesn't make you a bad person

you can learn to overcome these problems

A lot of this seems reasonable, but please bear in mind that I am not young. I am almost 49, and I have been working on these issues ever since I was a teenager. I saw my first therapist at age 15. What the hell is wrong with me? By the way, I've taken tests for recognizing emotions in facial expressions. My score is consistently above average!! So I'm not Aspie.

 

[Kiwong]

Did the therapists give any examples of why they found you offensive? Some people find anxiety confronting and may even react with anger/fear towards it, but that doesn't make you a bad person.

 

[coyote]

A lot of this seems reasonable, but please bear in mind that I am not young. I am almost 49, and I have been working on these issues ever since I was a teenager. I saw my first therapist at age 15. What the hell is wrong with me? By the way, I've taken tests for recognizing emotions in facial expressions. My score is consistently above average!! So I'm not Aspie.

ok, just a guess

i've seen a number of people ask the same question here

without knowing the specific events, words, gestures used - viewed objectively, it would be hard for anyone to know exactly what's going on based on your account

sorry :idontknow:

 

[Earthcircle]

Did the therapists give any examples of why they found you offensive? Some people find anxiety confronting and may even react with anger/fear towards it, but that doesn't make you a bad person.

It was always different. I was raised by religious fanatics, and when I began to bash Christianity one therapist was upset and didn't want to see me again. She actually said "I doubt that any therapist would want a client who doesn't improve." Another therapist seemed to be hard of hearing and kept misunderstanding what I was saying. He seemed to think that I was deliberately contradicting myself to toy with him, when of course I wasn't doing that at all. There are some that I can't even remember well, because it was so long ago. One person was furious at me for being dirty. (I don't think I am dirty.) One person got angry at me when I made a disparaging remark about astrology. (It turns out she was an astrologer.) Anyway, it happens a lot. I tend to avoid people, which doesn't feel so great either.

 

[Earthcircle]

Another thing: people on online forums will often assume, for some reason, that I am very young, probably in my teens. That's why I keep repeating my age. For some reason, I don't come across as very mature. That too is upsetting.

 

[HexNoir]

Another thing: people on online forums will often assume, for some reason, that I am very young, probably in my teens. That's why I keep repeating my age. For some reason, I don't come across as very mature. That too is upsetting.

On the positive side, that might just mean you have a young spirit. I feel the same way, at 24. I know I'm not that 'old', but you get it.

Do you live in the bible belt? If they see your opinion as offensive, that's their problem... although, if I were in your shoes I'd feel the exact same way (I have to put a cap on my feelings about organized religion as well). So far, none of this equates being a bad person at all (IMO).

 

[Kiwong]

None of that makes you a bad person. People disagree, people get angry, people will react if you are critical towards something they are sensitive about, that's being human. To refuse someone treatment is unprofessional. Maybe the therapists thought they had taken the treatment as far could and had nothing more to offer. I had a therapist like that.

 

[Draconess25]

Another thing: people on online forums will often assume, for some reason, that I am very young, probably in my teens. That's why I keep repeating my age. For some reason, I don't come across as very mature. That too is upsetting.

I feel ya. I'm only 18, but people think I'm as young as 12 or 13 because I'm quiet, quirky, and tiny. I was on a chat last night, and I thought everyone was guys in their 20s, but they were all chicks like 1-3 years younger than me. Then I felt awkward cause I was the oldest.

No, I you're not a bad person. I've only been to one therapist (when I WAS actually 12), but when they said I have the social skills of a 5 year old, I was done. People just don't understand us. And people fear what they don't understand, and a lot of them express fear through anger because it makes them feel stronger.

Or they're all just assholes.

 

[Earthcircle]

On the positive side, that might just mean you have a young spirit. I feel the same way, at 24. I know I'm not that 'old', but you get it.

Do you live in the bible belt? If they see your opinion as offensive, that's their problem... although, if I were in your shoes I'd feel the exact same way (I have to put a cap on my feelings about organized religion as well). So far, none of this equates being a bad person at all (IMO).

I've been all over, have lived in three countries. The therapist who, I assume, was religious was an e-therapist and I'm really not sure where she was living.

I always felt like an old spirit, listening to classical music and reading heavy literature as a teenager, stuff that no one else my age would touch. It's odd that I now come across as so immature. I think it's partly because many people associate failure in therapy with lack of experience.

 

[HexNoir]

I've been all over, have lived in three countries. The therapist who, I assume, was religious was an e-therapist and I'm really not sure where she was living.

I always felt like an old spirit, listening to classical music and reading heavy literature as a teenager, stuff that no one else my age would touch. It's odd that I now come across as so immature. I think it's partly because many people associate failure in therapy with lack of experience.

That might be it. Don't base your opinions off of that alone. This might sound like typical support group material, but I'm serious.

 

[Earthcircle]

When I tell people I never progressed in therapy, some assume that I have had very little therapy and am probably a kid. Actually, if you total it all up, I had about 14 years of therapy and took a boatload of different meds. Nothing worked really well, except for one thing. There's a book by Edna Foa called Stop Obsessing and it really is good for OCD. But that's it. Everything else was crap, including the meds. -- You see, talking like that makes some people think I'm young, but actually I'm just being honest.

 

[Earthcircle]

In fact, Foa's book worked so well, and so quickly, I was thinking "Why aren't these methods more widely practiced? Why is it that no therapist of mine seemed to know about this stuff?" Ironically, the success of her book undermined my confidence in therapists even further.

 

[hardy]

Laugh, and the world laughs with you;
Weep, and you weep alone.

 

[MollyBeGood]

Hmmm...Do you say what's on your mind? Are you too honest when talking to people? Or do you edit yourself? Are these therapists religious and are you rejecting the religion?

 

[Earthcircle]

Hmmm...Do you say what's on your mind? Are you too honest when talking to people? Or do you edit yourself? Are these therapists religious and are you rejecting the religion?

I edit myself intensely, which is why I often offend people by saying very little or nothing. But with therapists I feel like I'm supposed to be more open. The more open I am, the more offensive I am. It's like a curse.

 

[Earthcircle]

I am tired of this. Look how old I am. One thing I've noticed is that people tend to slot me into whatever category they despise. So back when it was awful to be gay, people saw me as gay. Today it's awful to be homophobic, so people accuse me of homophobia. Uneducated people accuse me of being haughty and arrogant. Educated people accuse me of being a hillbilly. People have accused me of being racist because I currently live in Appalachia, but the only reason I live here is because I'm looking after my invalid mother. I would much rather be living in a cosmopolitan place, as I have in the past. Like I said, I've lived in several different countries. Muslims have accused me of being a Zionist; New Yorkers have called me antiSemitic. In any case, look how old I am. I'm getting tired of this.

 

[Earthcircle]

It's a little strange that I don't have Asperger syndrome, because in some ways it seems like I do. I mean, I don't understand people. I don't understand their reactions, and I find them very unpredictable. They will explode at me in rage, and I *never* see it coming. I don't know how I do it. But my ability to read facial expressions is actually above average! Go figure.