WriterChick3
Well-known member
Okay, I hope I posted this in the right place. This is a thing on cutting and a huge rant of my personal life that I need to say. Read if you want.
I know everyone has different views of this subject weather or not someone can make you cut yourself or not; I believe people can provoke it.
Please don't be upset with me about this, I don't wanna start any arguments.
I cut myself when I was 12 because of my fathers overbearing, furious attitude.
I hadn't cut myself since (but mostly because of seeing a great therapist)
.... At the beginning of this year I cut myself. But to sum it all up, I've cut myself probably around ten times this year and nobody knows it.
It's hard to explain, but when people say "Nobody can make you cut." it upsets me a lot because my father makes me cut. If anything, he wants me to because .... Look, I can't even explain how he is. But do you want the truth? He is the kind of person who likes drama and excitement. And me cutting myself would be something for him to make me look bad and try to gain sympathy for himself.
He gives me so much anxiety and depression and self-loathing and hopelessness. He can manipulate feelings, and even my mom has said this. He has told us he wants us to pay for what we've done -- even though we have not done anything but act normal. He has depression, but his personality is simply awful and hard to deal with. He does not admit to what he's done -- he blames it on his issues of the past with family and his depression. Some may say "What's wrong with that?" I'll tell you what's wrong -- he uses it to get out of situations. You'd have to know him to see how he is. But trust me, it makes my blood boil knowing he is using his problems as an excuse. Depression isn't a shield, it is a very bad problem, and I've been told by my therapist I may even have a form of depression. And it also bothers me because I don't think people with depression are all that happy about it, yet he uses it for fun.
When I argue with my mom, I become sad and feel guilty ... but I don't cut.
When I argue with my brother I don't cut.
The thing is, I am not a constant cutter. I don't use it for every stressful situation or I'd be cutting myself ten times a day. I don't even do it all the times he bothers me -- I do it when my mind is swirling from what he's said/done.
Personally, in my opinion, when a person cuts (atleast for when I cut) they're not thinking 100% straight. They grab the closest thing to them, they're lost, so many emotions are clouding their sences and you wanna release the anxiety for a minute. And you cut with whatever object you have.
Personally I think people can be provoked to cut. I think sometimes people choose to cut because they don't know of other coping skills, but since I have such a freaking weird father who gossips and lies and actually craves (bad) attention and overbearing and loud and mean and immature/babyish and treats me like a four year old girl and blames everyone and even holds grudges and never lets go even if you say you're sorry and never apologizes and takes religion way too seriously enough to where he makes it all sound scary.
........... My point is: he makes me cut. Believe it or not. Please don't tell me I choose to cut. Nobody knows how he is. And even if you met him you'd never know because he can fake so much. You actually gotta live with him to know his odd thinking and behavior.
On the thing of suicide: Nobody can make you commit suicide. That is your own doing. You're taking your own life, nobody is coming at you with a weapon to do it.
Cutting is something that can often be provoked.
When people don't believe that he makes me cut it makes me feel so alone. I wish people would understand he is not normal, he makes me cut, he makes me want to give up, he has this weird thing of when he makes people cry he walks away as if he'd achieved something. He has so many odd things of his that are not considered depression or issues -- which I should not talk about. And please, do not think I am being rude. He has depression ...... but I want you to know .... he is using it as an excuse to say and do certain things. If my mom points out things to him .... he never takes responsibility for it. It's either God he brings in to it, or his family-issues, or his depression. But I don't even wanna say he has depression because he is using it for attention. And I mean it.
Like how he allowed himself to become diabetic, and instead of feeling bad or avoiding bad foods, he eats more and goes to people trying to gain sympathy. He even changes the story from he is diabetic to he is not diabetic (he likes messing with peoples minds.) But now that my family has realized he isn't as nice as they thought, they don't give him sympathy. Which is funny because when they don't pity him, he doesn't go visit them as often.
I really hope nobody gets upset at me for this or bans me. I just really needed to get this off my chest. And again, please don't tell me I choose to do it. I know a lot of you have stressful relatives ... and I have one, too. But he happens to know what buttons to push on pretty much everyone.
Please don't hate me.
I know everyone has different views of this subject weather or not someone can make you cut yourself or not; I believe people can provoke it.
Please don't be upset with me about this, I don't wanna start any arguments.
I cut myself when I was 12 because of my fathers overbearing, furious attitude.
I hadn't cut myself since (but mostly because of seeing a great therapist)
.... At the beginning of this year I cut myself. But to sum it all up, I've cut myself probably around ten times this year and nobody knows it.
It's hard to explain, but when people say "Nobody can make you cut." it upsets me a lot because my father makes me cut. If anything, he wants me to because .... Look, I can't even explain how he is. But do you want the truth? He is the kind of person who likes drama and excitement. And me cutting myself would be something for him to make me look bad and try to gain sympathy for himself.
He gives me so much anxiety and depression and self-loathing and hopelessness. He can manipulate feelings, and even my mom has said this. He has told us he wants us to pay for what we've done -- even though we have not done anything but act normal. He has depression, but his personality is simply awful and hard to deal with. He does not admit to what he's done -- he blames it on his issues of the past with family and his depression. Some may say "What's wrong with that?" I'll tell you what's wrong -- he uses it to get out of situations. You'd have to know him to see how he is. But trust me, it makes my blood boil knowing he is using his problems as an excuse. Depression isn't a shield, it is a very bad problem, and I've been told by my therapist I may even have a form of depression. And it also bothers me because I don't think people with depression are all that happy about it, yet he uses it for fun.
When I argue with my mom, I become sad and feel guilty ... but I don't cut.
When I argue with my brother I don't cut.
The thing is, I am not a constant cutter. I don't use it for every stressful situation or I'd be cutting myself ten times a day. I don't even do it all the times he bothers me -- I do it when my mind is swirling from what he's said/done.
Personally, in my opinion, when a person cuts (atleast for when I cut) they're not thinking 100% straight. They grab the closest thing to them, they're lost, so many emotions are clouding their sences and you wanna release the anxiety for a minute. And you cut with whatever object you have.
Personally I think people can be provoked to cut. I think sometimes people choose to cut because they don't know of other coping skills, but since I have such a freaking weird father who gossips and lies and actually craves (bad) attention and overbearing and loud and mean and immature/babyish and treats me like a four year old girl and blames everyone and even holds grudges and never lets go even if you say you're sorry and never apologizes and takes religion way too seriously enough to where he makes it all sound scary.
........... My point is: he makes me cut. Believe it or not. Please don't tell me I choose to cut. Nobody knows how he is. And even if you met him you'd never know because he can fake so much. You actually gotta live with him to know his odd thinking and behavior.
On the thing of suicide: Nobody can make you commit suicide. That is your own doing. You're taking your own life, nobody is coming at you with a weapon to do it.
Cutting is something that can often be provoked.
When people don't believe that he makes me cut it makes me feel so alone. I wish people would understand he is not normal, he makes me cut, he makes me want to give up, he has this weird thing of when he makes people cry he walks away as if he'd achieved something. He has so many odd things of his that are not considered depression or issues -- which I should not talk about. And please, do not think I am being rude. He has depression ...... but I want you to know .... he is using it as an excuse to say and do certain things. If my mom points out things to him .... he never takes responsibility for it. It's either God he brings in to it, or his family-issues, or his depression. But I don't even wanna say he has depression because he is using it for attention. And I mean it.
Like how he allowed himself to become diabetic, and instead of feeling bad or avoiding bad foods, he eats more and goes to people trying to gain sympathy. He even changes the story from he is diabetic to he is not diabetic (he likes messing with peoples minds.) But now that my family has realized he isn't as nice as they thought, they don't give him sympathy. Which is funny because when they don't pity him, he doesn't go visit them as often.
I really hope nobody gets upset at me for this or bans me. I just really needed to get this off my chest. And again, please don't tell me I choose to do it. I know a lot of you have stressful relatives ... and I have one, too. But he happens to know what buttons to push on pretty much everyone.
Please don't hate me.
