A repugnant feeling towards my mother

[FriendlyShadow]

I really don't understand why my mom acts the way she does with me. I'm starting to be trapped in a prison home where I'm her slave and she can treat me however she wants to. Sometimes I want to smack her in the face(note I never would do that and if I did I would never be able to forgive myself for my idiotic actions against her. That is not how I want to be when I grow up into a physically abusive woman. I know most kids do lose their temper and eventually hit one of their parents just out of anger or trying to see the fun of it and I don't wish to be that.) Anyways, here's some things she'd do or say to me. If I refuse like for instance just today she asked if I wanted to drink her iced tea because she couldn't finish it. In response, I told her no. Guess what she says. "Come on, why don't you finish it for me." I'm like what did I just tell you. I told you honestly I didn't want any, yet you pressurize me into doing something that can't accept my response to the matter. This isn't the first time she had done that to me. There were even times she would try and get me to eat her food because she was unable to finish it. So, when I try and say to her kindly I don't want her food, she just dumps/places her food on my plate expecting me to eat it. I was about to ask Are you unable to accept my answer to the things you offer me for? Then,(yes that's not even the end of that) When my parents want to leave to go at a certain market(like Walmart and that) One time I said nicely that I just want to stay at home and write my stories. Now, I'm not saying I don't spend any time with my parents because I do usually travel places with them and eat at restaurants together. So, then she thinks up of this reason like I DON'T actually spend enough time with them. I know she doesn't say that, but she goes then to ask me"Why don't you want to come Jamie?" And I kindly just say I want to do other things in the meantime. She did pulled that with me another time, when I wanted to go on this social phobia, and then here she says "Looks like Jamie doesn't want to hang out with us because of the social phobia." I don't know if those were her exact words, but it was something almost similar to it. I can't believe she thinks like I don't spend time with her and my father enough! Sometimes, I just want to be alone in my room and do other things in my time, but no that's an issue because I don't get out of the house enough(who knows, maybe I do enjoy being in the house) She would even ask me a hurtful thing as to question an aspect of my personality such as quietness. I overheard her talking about with my father because I was upstairs, and she spoke to him about it saying that she would ask me "Why i am like this?" I couldn't believe my own ears when I had to hear that from upstairs!:crying: My own mother would have the nerve to ask me a degrade me for my quietness. How dare she!? How dare she does this to me all the goddamn time and she doesn't even once think that I would feel bad about these problems. She always been yelling at me saying I can't be a mute the rest of my life and forced me to make friends when I was little, she probably thought i was weird because I don't have any because of my disabilities and my persona. And then somehow it's backfired that it's me to blame. I keep telling her it's difficult for me and that these kids keep rejecting me and weren't all that nice towards me. She says she understands that, but then she has turn my reasons around and it just backfires on me. Not just her, but my dad even does this, they contradict themselves and they don't even care to notice it. How can you say you understand how someone is feeling or had felt in that situation, but then you become to be insensitive and still it becomes my fault. It's contradiction and that's what does make me remain the way I am now even more. She jokes around with me, but she is poor at doing it because of the fact that she ends up mocking me and I think my quietness. Everyone around me has mocked me for it and now... now they are waiting for me to open my mouth to talk about things they want to hear. I have said I hate her(not to her face)but to myself alone in my room or anywhere private. I know that could be the worst thing I can do, maybe it's just out of my depression, i don't know, but I'm starting to think that she doesn't even think of me as her daughter, more like a criminal who has been adopted by a family who despises her for her actions. I swear, I try to be a nice and respectful daughter to her, but it's not always the case to her. I tried so hard to respect her, and now she is just in a way begging for me to strike at her. She will never suffer through the things I went through in my years, I had a much worse life and yet she thinks she has a reason to mock me and treat me like this. I wonder if she'd ever grow up to be old, I would wonder if she'll still remember me, or better yet if she'll start thinking about how horriby she treats me but I bet that day won't come. Does anyone else have a heartless mother or father who doesn't show realize the impact of what they have done on your lives? I'm in serious trouble right now and scared to be around others after all I did, I guess it wasn't worth it after all.:alone:

 

[FriendlyShadow]

No actctually, when I told her I didn't want to go to the market with her she asked me "Why don't you want to come Jamie?" And then said some mocking joke towards me because I didn't want to go. I was about to flip my finger at her. I don't know why she does this and sometimes I want question her why She acts like an ***

 

[FriendlyShadow]

On that note, maybe I can't blame her for all of this. I don't think I can blame anyone for how they treat me because I think I can see why they do. I'm such a terrible person and I do deserve to be alone for eternity. I don't even deserve to live right now, typing on this computer in the chair I'm sitting in. I have no love for myself anymore because of everyone's hate towards me and I think they do have a reason to mock me because I am not a good person and I think everybody would be best off to try and stay far away from me as they can. I think they all deserve better than I do. I deserve to die and be in hell. However, I think the kindest people in the world(excluding me) who unfortunatley don't get as much recognition from people, should be able to have a chance to enjoy a peaceful life and have as many friends they can obtain. Me, on the other hand, I should already be in the pits of hell suffering every moment and pain there is to imagine. This truly how I feel.

 

[jaim38]

I am grateful for everything that my mom did for me, such as the cooking, laundry, raising me, etc, but I don't agree with her parenting style. My mom can also be authoritarian and likes dictating to people what to do. My mom also has mental problems so some of the things that she tells me to do make no sense. However, I still put up with her because I know I can't reason with her (I've tried in the past and she still can't/won't understand the logic). I am a very tolerant person. I've lived with my abusive brother in the past and escaped. Living with my mom and dad in my parents' house is 1000 times better than living with my brother in any apartment, and I am very grateful I have my parents' house to live in when all else fails.

Yeah, sometimes when there are leftover food, my mom would tell me to eat it with her, because she doesn't want to see it go to waste. She does that to my dad too. I used to think I want to escape my parents' house and live by myself, so I did and man, it was hard. My roommate (my brother) wouldn't help out with many things (cooking, cleaning, bill pay, etc) and I had to do them all. It sucks. But living with my parents, I help them and they help me; it's a mutually beneficial relationship.

 

[jaim38]

I also want to add that my mom has a short fuse and she says things that can really offend people at times, but don't know if she even notices it. I used to be like her back in elementary, letting my mouth run and mistreating my friends. It seems like my mom also has this gold-digging tendency, and she would teach me some things. But over the years, I tried to change myself so that I can become a better person. Now I am not like her anymore, but it feels like I've become a pushover.

 

[FriendlyShadow]

I do appreciate the fact because those are the only things she does nice for me. Other than that her insensitivitiness and hurtful words toward me are making me timid to be around others. But maybe she has a reason to, though I am sorry of what happened with you and your mother. You didn't need to go through that treatment

 

[hardy]

Hey ilovelions...i am not very good dealing with my mom, but i am a little positive these days (because i am more mature(30+) and my meditation helps in keeping a calm head). Yesterday,I was just thinking how to deal with my moms judgmental attitude.

My first reactions were give it back. But yesterday...i was like, did i ever Thank her for all the things she did for me? She wakes up at 6 in the morning and cooks breakfast for the family(and the other meals for like 35 yrs)....and does all the shopping and gives me pocket money. Did i do anything in return?

I felt i can be more grateful to her for all that she had done...may be a greeting now and then(mothers day/b'day). Help her now and then ESPECIALLY WHEN she needs a hand...and believe me sister, she will respect me back if i help her. Problem comes when we are not grateful .

My mom can be really judgmental to my anxiety....i also disrespect her gossipy nature....if i can stop degrading her gossipy nature and instead respect her for what she is, she might give that respect back to me.

Peace....

 

[gustavofring]

I can kind of understand what you guys are saying about your mothers. My mom died when I was very young, as did my father. But my older sister is very much like what some of you describe. Judgmental, always seeing fault, letting her mouth run, always seeing problems in everything, being controlling and demanding and trying to have a "wittier than thou" attitude. It clashes very much with my more tolerant, laidback, respectful attitude around others sometimes.

She became like this when she started living with her boyfriend and his children. Maybe it's because when women get responsibility (and also have jobs) they turn very stressful and this is their way of staying strong and feeling in control. Also it's because she has borderlines and she said our mom used to be really critical and unsupportive of her. One of the reasons I don't want children is because I see people changing into something I do not like.

What Hardy says is good though, try to see through the troubling behavior and respect them. They're more then that!

 

[kyle]

Don't have hatred towards your mother. You will regret it later in, life.

 

[laure15]

She became like this when she started living with her boyfriend and his children. Maybe it's because when women get responsibility (and also have jobs) they turn very stressful and this is their way of staying strong and feeling in control. Also it's because she has borderlines and she said our mom used to be really critical and unsupportive of her. One of the reasons I don't want children is because I see people changing into something I do not like.

What Hardy says is good though, try to see through the troubling behavior and respect them. They're more then that!

I agree with this. People change when they have children; their lives become more stressful. I also don't want children because of this.

 

[R3K]

your mom might be in the disappointment phase, where she's realizing her daughter (you,) aren't panning out to be exactly what she thought, and out of fear, probably due to competition with her own siblings, or maybe just her long projected ideals, she's desperately trying to correct the course of your life. And coming accross extremely brusque and insensitive in the process.

my dad would talk all the time, while i was growing up, about how he was the only one of his 4 other bro's and sisters who did well--got a good career, graduated college, etc... and he'd tell me i needed to focus on school, go straight to college right after highschool, know what i wanted to do as a career, marry a pretty white girl, live in a big house--all that crap.

but when you're a 10 year-old social phobic, being brainwashed with all this crap, it becomes fantasy. how the hell was i supposed to accomplish all that crap?

anyway, you gotta find a way to tell your mom that you're going to decide how to live your own life. and when she mocks you, know that it is only out of her own fear, that she's trying to make herself feel better.

next time she tries to pressure you into going to dinner, and you don't feel like going, tell her you just don't really feel like hanging out with a bunch of slobbering wine-o yuppies.

 

[FriendlyShadow]

But you have to understand, I do help her with some things around the house, and you know what. Again a couple of months ago she made a degrading joke. It was raining outside and she said how about you sweep the porch outside while you take an umbrella. I understand you all are saying she raised, me, took care of me, (though she never was a cook, my dad was) and I appreciate those things because they were the only nice things she did for me. It doesn't excuse the fact that I have to accept this disrespectful behavior from her. She never really understood why I was like this. She forcefully popped my pimples(even when I begged her not and cried and she didn't care.) She even tried to want me to get girly because I wasn't like all of the other typical flowery girls out there. I just need a someone to tell me it's going to be better but it's not. Unless the day comes where she learns to subside her mean behavior,then I will have even much more respect and love for her because not only is she raising me as a daughter, but also treats me in a nice manner rather than blowing my self esteem and making me feel guilty for everything I do. If she or anyone else knew what kind of crap I had to deal with, than maybe I wouldn't have felt like I'm the only one who is feeling this painful treatment

 

[FriendlyShadow]

Kyle, Believe me I try not to say it or even think of that vile word. I feel bad when I say it. Like tell you, I think it could be from my depression that causes me to say it, but then there are times where I really do dislike her. I don't want to use the word hate. More other less strong words like repugnance, dislike, distaste, ect. But still I cannot understand why she does this to me all the time. She is one of the reasons why I would ever cut myself out of depression and hoping I can die from this misery. She's too much of a contradictor to want to understand my problems.

 

[jaim38]

Woah, forcefully popping your pimples can leave scars on your face. I can't believe she did that to you. Now that you're older, you should be able to resist her attacks on you. Next time if your mom's forcing you to do something, try to reason with her or escape if you have no choice. Try telling your dad about your mom.

 

[A86]

this is just my opinion so please don't take offense.

your mother sounds like one of those emotionaly abusive people. they have an idea in their head how they expect things to be and how people should act. they get upset when things don't play out how they expect and emotionaly manipulate others to correct it.

there is usually a lot of guilt tripping. saying things to make you feel bad in order to guilt you into doing what they want. they don't relise all this negative emotion encourages low self esteem and image which can easily turn into depression/anxiety issues.

dealing with these sort of people is very frustrating because like most abusive relationships, the victim doesn't fully realise they are being abused. deep down you realise you are being attacked, its why you get defensive and feel like taking hostile actions, it really is bullying.

usually these emotional abusers have it so down pat that any attempt to stand your ground usually results in them making you feel more guilty for just trying to defend yourself.

you can't change these people and they don't even realise what they are doing but learning to reconize what is happening and understanding it is key to overcoming it.

otherwise continued exposure to their put Downs will have adverse effects on your self worth and mental health.