In any case, thank you for posting, I read this a few days after my therapist finally explained what I am experiencing. A few months back, my father died. He was the only one in my family who did not take part in this pattern, and was able to truly reinvent himself after going to rehab for his alcoholism 28 years ago. As a result, he completely changed his outlook, and our relationship was in a really good place when he went. I can't say the same for any of my sisters or my mother, aka, my abusers.
I had struggled my whole life to move beyond my childhood abusive experiences, which included sexual abuse from my sister at the age of 6. She once chased me through the house with my father's braided bullwhip when I was 6 and she was 11. I was wearing a bikini swimsuit, and had whelts all over my back and the backs of my legs from running away from her. I told my mother what she did, but she told me if I ever told my father he would send ME away. She protected the crazy abusive sister-her favorite. This was not a one-time event, but more of a way of life. Constant physical abuse both from my sisters and my mother-who used a 2x4 to beat me. That sister is now a paranoid schizophrenic, an alcoholic, and has been living off my mom (a rageaholic) for years now, who depends on social security. Even so, I am the bad guy-the crazy one, the one who won't play their game. At the funeral I finally realized how crazy they all are and that I wasn't missing out on anything in not having relationships with them, and my therapist thought I was ready to know why they treat me that way. She said it was pointless to explain it to me as long as I still craved a life that included them. Now I see it as dodging a bullet. I am happy that I finally told my father what they did to me regarding the bullwhip and sexual abuse/protecting the abuser instead of the abused, and he supported me. Told me he was proud of me for surviving such horrible ongoing abuse, being able to forgive and try to have a relationship with those who treated me so badly. He basically said he would not allow anyone in his life that treated him that way, and I should no longer feel obligated to include them in my life, or my children's lives. I've long been criticized for "depriving" them of relationships with my kids. I was scared to death they would treat them the same way they treated me, my mom could be very cruel to my daughters, calling them fat and lazy, which they were not. Buying them clothes so she could take them home and tell them they looked terrible in them, just so she could yank them away and return them to upset them. I gave her a chance, but she seemed to be on the path of treating them the same as she treated me. Same with my sisters. It's like the only reason I or they exist is to give them someone to be hostile to.
What I'm wondering is, if anyone on here experienced their nieces and nephews treating them the same way their abusive siblings did. I've had to line them out, and explain to them that if they want a relationship with me, they will have to be nice to me. Interesting that that is a deal-breaker for my siblings. I don't think that's too much to ask. Why am I still being treated like I'm the crazy one? I guess I just need to walk away, but it still causes me a great deal of pain to be the one without a family when I didn't do anything wrong.
*hug*
