I have been enslaved to social phobia for almost my whole life. It has affected me like nothing I can ever imagine. I have mostly horrible memories of my childhood and teen years... because what makes good memories? Being around other people and enjoying the chemistry you have with them. So if you can't ever open up or share yourself with other people, there are no memories except awkwardness and feelings of my brain being chained down. I feel sorry in a lot of ways because I never got the female affection.... ever. But it's hard because it's all around me and I just can't get out of the prison of my own insecurities. It's like a prisoner looking out at the open freedom and green grass and trees, but he can only watch... he can't go enjoy it. So it's painful to even watch.... because it's so close yet there are solid walls preventing you from going to enjoy it. That's how I feel... I feel robbed of my life because of this... I have always hoped against hope... but now I'm just trying to find ways to cope the best I can. THere's no easy way to handle this... so my three words are..
comatose... confused....hopeful