lunaticbinge
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seafolly
Well-known member
I agree, that combination is absolutely terrible. When I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety they tried to treat me for depression as well but it just wasn't worth it (the SSRI's were brutal to me). The anxiety is predominant but when that depression comes back, wow, it's really hard to get out of bed in the morning. Actually, when it hits I often don't! Of the two, I prefer the anxiety even though it keeps me indoors.
I'm really sorry you're experiencing this. Like you, I have no source. It just happened. It's so frustrating not knowing the cause but keep trying to get out the door every day. Even if it's just to listen to music on your front porch. Or just sit in the kitchen! Avoid that bedroom or wherever you usually park for the day. <- Useless advice perhaps, but it's something.
I know how hard it is to stick with it. I'm a university student and have been since 2004. Going by timeline I should have completed a Master's by now! But no, I take a course or two at a time and just slowly chip away at the degree requirements. This is because on a daily basis, it's quite plausible for me to get ready for class, get to the door of the apartment, and say, "I can't do this." so I'll sit back down and miss the lecture and feel like a failure. Multiply this situation by six years and I do know what defeat feels like and how you may feel like you're burning out. I think the thing keeping me going is the certainty that there is a better life than this. I know because I've lived it, prior to my diagnosis in 2001. Try to find something you enjoy in life. Anything. I started to use photography as a "well let's see what happens if I try this" type of therapy. Something to focus on and something I enjoyed a little. That grew exponentially and now I find myself taking that camera everywhere like a comfort blanket. If I start to feel nervous in public I'll take a photo of something, block them all out and focus on what I'm doing. Though it does draw some eyes people do tend to leave you alone if you're focused on something.
We MUST stick with it though and try everything we can, everything suggested to us that we're open to. Everything will fall into place eventually, slowly. Finding enjoyment in something was my first step out of the depression rut. What booted me out is a long story and people will think I'm crazy so I'll skip it. I wrote a lot which probably didn't make a grain of sense but I hope a sentence or two helped a tiny bit.
I'm really sorry you're experiencing this. Like you, I have no source. It just happened. It's so frustrating not knowing the cause but keep trying to get out the door every day. Even if it's just to listen to music on your front porch. Or just sit in the kitchen! Avoid that bedroom or wherever you usually park for the day. <- Useless advice perhaps, but it's something.
I know how hard it is to stick with it. I'm a university student and have been since 2004. Going by timeline I should have completed a Master's by now! But no, I take a course or two at a time and just slowly chip away at the degree requirements. This is because on a daily basis, it's quite plausible for me to get ready for class, get to the door of the apartment, and say, "I can't do this." so I'll sit back down and miss the lecture and feel like a failure. Multiply this situation by six years and I do know what defeat feels like and how you may feel like you're burning out. I think the thing keeping me going is the certainty that there is a better life than this. I know because I've lived it, prior to my diagnosis in 2001. Try to find something you enjoy in life. Anything. I started to use photography as a "well let's see what happens if I try this" type of therapy. Something to focus on and something I enjoyed a little. That grew exponentially and now I find myself taking that camera everywhere like a comfort blanket. If I start to feel nervous in public I'll take a photo of something, block them all out and focus on what I'm doing. Though it does draw some eyes people do tend to leave you alone if you're focused on something.
We MUST stick with it though and try everything we can, everything suggested to us that we're open to. Everything will fall into place eventually, slowly. Finding enjoyment in something was my first step out of the depression rut. What booted me out is a long story and people will think I'm crazy so I'll skip it.
I wrote a lot which probably didn't make a grain of sense but I hope a sentence or two helped a tiny bit. 
You sound exactly like me, my friend. To be honest, at this momment in time, I have no idea what to say. I did pretty well with my social anxietyy and depression for a while, but I am stuck in a rut at the momment. Son of a bitch, it's hard... what's harder than trying to live and not being able to? If you are not living, then you are not alive?.... Yet my heart is pumping, my eyes are seeing and my brain is feeling. I ask God or whatever spiritual being may exist or be responsible for the creation/destination of this creation for some serious help... will it be sent? I certainly think so, but we will see.
I am currently planning on leaving this life - away from modern society to see if perhaps leaving it for a bit will help me... I sure as hell hope it does, this is certainly my last resort.
Let me put it this way (from someone who has SA and has tried as hard as I can to overcome it)... Social Anxiety is as a disease... it's NOT something that is going to go away on its own. It needs some serious work, therapy and (in my opinion) medication to overcome... no matter how hard you try, you can't make your brain to work properly... it needs some serious huge ammount of positive reinforcement to achieve this. Something is WRONG with your brain - you need some sort of medical/health treatment to fix it.
That's just my opinion, from what I have observed from having social anxiety and trying to fix it. Good luck with yours my friend, and I hope some day you and I can overcome it.............................
I am currently planning on leaving this life - away from modern society to see if perhaps leaving it for a bit will help me... I sure as hell hope it does, this is certainly my last resort.
Let me put it this way (from someone who has SA and has tried as hard as I can to overcome it)... Social Anxiety is as a disease... it's NOT something that is going to go away on its own. It needs some serious work, therapy and (in my opinion) medication to overcome... no matter how hard you try, you can't make your brain to work properly... it needs some serious huge ammount of positive reinforcement to achieve this. Something is WRONG with your brain - you need some sort of medical/health treatment to fix it.
That's just my opinion, from what I have observed from having social anxiety and trying to fix it. Good luck with yours my friend, and I hope some day you and I can overcome it
.............................
fitftw
Well-known member
lunaticbinge, you are among friends here. Take solace in that first and foremost. You are not alone. I am 26 and am in the same position as you. The most I do in a day is go to class and then the gym. Then I sit in my room and stare at the wall all day and night.
You'll do what you have to do when the time comes. What's your living situation like? Do you have any hobbies that can get your mind off of morbid thoughts? I think the worst of everything in life too. The second I start to get happy and think life is beautiful, reality sets back in almost instantly. That brief moment of happiness and contentment, is probably what most people feel all the time. It has to be.
I always see people smiling and being happy. Even in the supermarket. Tonight the cashier was very pretty, with red hair and a visible tattoo of a rose on her breastplate. She smiled at me and I looked away at my wallet or the ground and started to sweat. I get scared and intimidated by women. I think it's because I've been hurt before and I might have some deep-rooted condition to not let a woman get anywhere near my heart ever again.
lunatic, life won't be empty. I guarantee at some point you'll find independence and that alone will fuel you for a long while. Being on your own can help solve a whole bunch of problems.
You'll do what you have to do when the time comes. What's your living situation like? Do you have any hobbies that can get your mind off of morbid thoughts? I think the worst of everything in life too. The second I start to get happy and think life is beautiful, reality sets back in almost instantly. That brief moment of happiness and contentment, is probably what most people feel all the time. It has to be.
I always see people smiling and being happy. Even in the supermarket. Tonight the cashier was very pretty, with red hair and a visible tattoo of a rose on her breastplate. She smiled at me and I looked away at my wallet or the ground and started to sweat. I get scared and intimidated by women. I think it's because I've been hurt before and I might have some deep-rooted condition to not let a woman get anywhere near my heart ever again.
lunatic, life won't be empty. I guarantee at some point you'll find independence and that alone will fuel you for a long while. Being on your own can help solve a whole bunch of problems.
206Raider
Well-known member
I don't really know what to say man, I'm in the same boat as you. 21, no job, no friends anymore, no girlfriend, no nothing. I'm reduced to sitting around all day and the more I try to chagne the harder it gets. When I stick with something I get even more depressed becuase I realize it's not working and I see myself as a complete failure with no chance of resurrecting my life. Everyday I wake up wish I would die by a stray bullet or something, the only time I'm happy is when I sleep. My life is nothing and I don't want to be a reclusive old man who died alone, I hate my loneliess but at the same time it's the only time I'm comfortable.
fitftw
Well-known member
I forgot to add, this might be helpful...I joined the US Navy when I was 21 years old. I had no other choice. I was arrested twice for possession of narcotics. It was either get caught again and go to jail, or join the military.
I dealt with BS for 4 years, and now I sit on my butt and collect GI Bill money and go to school and stare at sexy 18-21 year old women all day. Woo.
I dealt with BS for 4 years, and now I sit on my butt and collect GI Bill money and go to school and stare at sexy 18-21 year old women all day. Woo.
Woo!
Welcome to the club, we've got jackets
Want one? It's free with membership - I'll FedEx it to you overnight ::*Sigh*.... I don't even have enough energy to be funny, sad eh?
Yay... at least something is going right in my life Thx
Thx
lunaticbinge
Well-known member
What is it that finally got you out of your depression? Theres no way it could be that bad and i guarantee i'm crazier than you!
If i had insurance i would definitely be looking into medication but i dont unfortunately. Some days it feels like my lack of life makes me non-existent. I feel like a ghost in public like i'm see through. It really does blow living every day when all you want is the end.
You don't need a lot of money to go into medication. I pay like 11 bucks for my prozac and it lasts me a monthe (no insurance). I don't know how much other medication costs, but you could find out, might be worth it
I second you on the Buddhism. I've never read nietzsche, but I'll take you up on it
I second you on the Buddhism. I've never read nietzsche, but I'll take you up on it
lunaticbinge
Well-known member
Argh I hate saying this but i still live at my mom's. Exercise and video games usually keep me somewhat sane but they only do so much. I've been thinking quite a bit about joining the military lately. What is it you did in the navy?
fitftw
Well-known member
Dude. I'm 26 and live with my parents. Granted I wasn't home much at all for those 4 years between 21 and 25 but because I didn't save any money, I'm back home. I could move out, and I should, I'm just lazy and it's nice to spend money on other stuff like my car. Then after that, I feel stupid because something will happen at home to make me want to move out again but I won't have the money lol
I have a ps3 and I barely play anymore. It's much easier to chill on my laptop than try to focus on being technical and figuring out the formulas within videogames. I'm that lazy.
I came into the Navy without a job, I was undesignated. Started as an E-1. After 2.5 years of standing watch all the time and painting the exterior of the ship, I finally got out of that and became an OS3 (E-4) which means Operations Specialist. I worked in the Combat Information Center onboard the USS Simpson in Mayport (Jacksonville), FL. I operated two types of radar equipment, charted the best course&speed of action, and that's about it. It's not so bad.
lunaticbinge
Well-known member
LOL, wow. You have no idea how many times i've wished there was a sniper adjacent to my window just waiting to get me in his crosshairs. Some days i sleep 12+ hours. Social anxiety and depression don't exist in my dreams...YET!
Kiwong
Well-known member
All I can is that I hope you can get on top of depression and SA enough to take a step towards getting some peace in your life.
My life's really up and down at the moment. Really amazing highs mostly involving having running and racing in my life, to awful lows where the SA gets so bad I'm crying all the time and can't sleep.
You know what, despite everything I'm really living. You face the pain, and win or lose, at least you have a story to tell.
I'll keep putting myself into the world and facing the pain, because the brilliant days I've lived by doing that are worth every second of naxiety.
At least I get to say up yours anxiety, even if its for a day.
My life's really up and down at the moment. Really amazing highs mostly involving having running and racing in my life, to awful lows where the SA gets so bad I'm crying all the time and can't sleep.
You know what, despite everything I'm really living. You face the pain, and win or lose, at least you have a story to tell.
I'll keep putting myself into the world and facing the pain, because the brilliant days I've lived by doing that are worth every second of naxiety.
At least I get to say up yours anxiety, even if its for a day.
206Raider
Well-known member
Haha yeah, not sure why somebody would want to snipe me but I've hoped for it many times. Sad, huh? I've had one dream where I was anxious in my dreams, I was like Noooo! when I woke up. Usually I'm a freakin god in my dreams, can do anything with no fears.
harlseq
Well-known member
Pretty much everything in this thread is a reflection of my life.
Honestly though, I think most everything in my life would be so much better if I could just find a way to relate to a girl... or at least find one that is willing/able to relate to me. This loneliness is really starting to get to me more than it ever has... I'm at an age where I really should be doing this kind of thing already. My family doesn't say anything to me about it, but I know it's what they're thinking. This is what really depresses me.
Honestly though, I think most everything in my life would be so much better if I could just find a way to relate to a girl... or at least find one that is willing/able to relate to me. This loneliness is really starting to get to me more than it ever has... I'm at an age where I really should be doing this kind of thing already. My family doesn't say anything to me about it, but I know it's what they're thinking. This is what really depresses me.