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Old 6 Days Ago
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Originally Posted by Megaten View Post
I believe the accepted term these days is Carpet Shark. This can also work for literal Carpet Sharks and Wobblegongs lmbo.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carpet_shark
Ive never heard of that term - but it sounds hilarious
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Old 6 Days Ago
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Well - Im sorry to most friends that I have lately and anymore who encounters me online too. I just get so entangled in my own mess that I just dont have anything left to give to others anymore for this time.

This relationship feels so heavy to me and takes up a lot of energy and then when Ive got the spare time - there is family to be with and then others. But I dont even get to family these days.

And even most silly- I don't even get to myself.

Im not used to being so social. I've spent decades being completely un-social. Just one person that seems to want me all the time- and I seem to neglect myself in order to give to him = not being able to really give.

Its funny when you know these things- yet cant figure out a way to structure things in a way that is not going to be this way anymore.

To be able to do this - so that I have free time with myself to do what ever is such a luxury now. Going out with such a demanding person that just wants to be around me because of loneliness and lack of things in his own life- that he doesnt even realise.With someone that has no structure in his life really at all- and will change his mind almost all the time on things- give up easily on things. Like if I were at home and wanting my space and doing my own things- he would change his mind and turn up or ring up and ask how long I would be- that sort of thing- that it makes it very hard to be myself. I dont get to. I dont get to do basic things-
I feel like a slave to his empty lifestyle.

I get depressed easily now. Because I get so disappointed from my expectations that even are slight towards him. And it makes me into an abusive girlfriend kind of. I prob don't even realise how bad I am - things that I imply to him and stuff and throwing emotional tantrums.

But he is like a sad wanderer or an immature man-child or an empty enthusiastic man with no where to go and nothing to do -

There is so much lack of respect I have to him. His values are missing - he doesnt seem to be mature enough to know where he is and where he is going.

Even with being home and away from him- it just really frustrates and stressed me out.

I jsut cant seem to get away from it. And he can be so selfish too.

When I go all out of my way for him all the time. That sort of thing. I'm still doing it. I do it because I seem to think that if I do this or that it will fill up that lack of excitement and other things from this relationship.
That it will maybe relieve and forget about the disappointment. That maybe it will make him mirror me and also do something as good to me. But in reality, it wont and it doesnt.
It just creates more resentment.

Everytime I want to just go away for awhile and try to get prespective and find myself again. Just some of myself. He turns up again.

ast weekend he had his friend over his place so I got to have some acutal time on my own in my own environment. And it was sad because I have lost myself.

I just think about this time last year, which is when I started to go out with him.

But back then I was an independent person and single and enjoying being in my own world and being really detoxed and on a very high raw vegan diet and in my element and adding to my good habits - I remember I could smell things better then and that I was lighter and that I was completely in touch with my emotions -that I was working through them all the time that my identity was healthy and I knew myself more than ever - and my 'new' self.

I loved it. And I felt emotions all the time. I had good emotions then. A deep sense of self and who I was and how my lifestyle was.

If I jsut listen to a song ( an Aurora song) it takes me back to last year where I did have these emotions for rugs somewhat and for who I was - and how different I was then.

That person I really really really really want to get back to. I desire it so badly. Andthe only way that I can do that is to spend loads of amounts of time with myself and do my raw food thing again- delve into my passion again and detox again and stop sacrificing who I am in order to make another person feel less bad.

I really want to go back to where I was leading then. I was on a role health wise and emotionally and physically.

Im so happy I know that this is where I want to go. Its just a matter of being able to have the room to do it within this relationship.

I am in a toxic relationship because it stops me from growing - it does the other- and its just because we are very different and lack the same things- values and lifestyles etc.

He will always be that person he is and I will always be wanting to change and desire more and be a goal setter. Maybe?

Anyways.
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Old 6 Days Ago
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How did he get the nickname "rugs"? It's an interesting nickname.
Posting this question yet again
(Don't mean to pry or be pushy, but i just would like to know, if possible (call me obsessive! ))
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Old 2 Days Ago
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Originally Posted by theslowesthand View Post
Posting this question yet again
(Don't mean to pry or be pushy, but i just would like to know, if possible (call me obsessive! ))
Well his name starts with R, and I remember the first night that I stayed over his place and I was watching movies on the couch and had a large rug on me that kept falling to the floor.

And I remembered that- so I called him 'Rugs' lol
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Old 2 Days Ago
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God damn it, there is just a pattern with me in this relationship of knowing what is going to happen, yet using motivation from the slightest expectation and excitement that may occur - so that I can push myself to be with him.

Yet it's then that I hit my head in disappointment once again and again and again. Feeling so frustrated and disappointed and annoyed and mostly hurting inside. It makes you feel so unappreciated and so depressed and want to act out in ways that will hurt you somehow - because it's how you feel.

And its alot to do with also that in order to be pollite and not hurt his feelings - that I usually have to (everyday) put my own stuff on the back burner - again and again and again..
and just give up my own passions and lifestyle things - in order to be with him - because he is very needy of my pressence for some unhealthy reason if his - that it is unhealthy behaviour - and odd - yet he doesnt see it that way. It just gets too much.

Because when he is with me. He is not with me. So I end up feeling hyjacked each time.
Giving up anything - my own time- to spend time with him and he is never 'present' with me. just ignores me and does his thing.

So of course I feel annoyed and all that.
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Old 2 Days Ago
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"Together alone" - is that what he's after? (rather than "alone alone" by himself)

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again and again and again
There seems to be a pattern going on here?
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Old 20 Hours Ago
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Originally Posted by theslowesthand View Post
"Together alone" - is that what he's after? (rather than "alone alone" by himself)


There seems to be a pattern going on here?
Yep lol.
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