Och aye the noo

Ya effin' b@$%^@*! :kickingmyself:

Ma Toshiba laptop has just went now. B*llocks!!

I've been feelin' emotional aboot the year that ah've hud this year. Not that that's weird when going through summit as life-changing as ah did. Just wee bit strange for someone like me who's been telt fae a young age not tae dwell on yer past, or even cry, y'know?

God, ah hope ah dinnae breakdown in tears during ma next hospital appointment. :crying:

Graeme1988 said:

Feelin' quite low, lately. Nae really motivate to do anythin'. Just gettin' outta bed takes effort. But ah don't know... Ah dinnae seem tae huv the time to just focus. Reading a book or watching the TV have become so difficult, lately.

It's like what's the point, eh? :idontknow:

Ah don't know if it because I don't feel happy as of late with life, that things I used to enjoy don't give me that same pleasure? Or if I'm just too busy trying to get stuff done that needs to be done on my own? Like cleaning out my room, put stuff in storage to free up space. That I'm just too knackered by the end of the day to sit and relax.

Anyone else able to relate, or is it just me?

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I cun relate with reading or watching tv has gotten harder to do. I guess that means i need to use more will-power & staying-power.
Also my life feels very much presently like a giant empty husk, devoid of "stuff", and very empty. I'm thinking about starting serious gaming, as real life is just a load of nothing (dull & empty). Even tv & music aren't filling that void. I used to play a fair amount of games way back 20/so year ago. Perhaps i'm needing that again? Can't really think of anything else, except maybe to practise guitar (& harmonica) more regularly, every day even. As I used to be able to fill the void, so i need to retrace my past steps/activities. But ine thing that i recall from an early age, was that even back then real life was boring for me, & i always needed to escape into gaming, studies, programming, porn, drinking, etc, etc.

Graeme1988 said:

Okay... WOW!! Does anyone know how to get the most recent comment to appear on a YouTube video? Because I just got a reply comment on a video for one of my favourite bands... and I can't find it to respond

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Try click the "Top comments" button, & select "Newest first" :question:

theslowesthand said:

I cun relate with reading or watching tv has gotten harder to do. I guess that means i need to use more will-power & staying-power.
Also my life feels very much presently like a giant empty husk, devoid of "stuff", and very empty. I'm thinking about starting serious gaming, as real life is just a load of nothing (dull & empty). Even tv & music aren't filling that void. I used to play a fair amount of games way back 20/so year ago. Perhaps i'm needing that again? Can't really think of anything else, except maybe to practise guitar (& harmonica) more regularly, every day even. As I used to be able to fill the void, so i need to retrace my past steps/activities. But ine thing that i recall from an early age, was that even back then real life was boring for me, & i always needed to escape into gaming, studies, programming, porn, drinking, etc, etc.

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Aye, ma life feels quite and empty. Despite all the times that I manage to step outta my comfort zone and attend a show, there's still a feeling like it's not enough, y'know?

theslowesthand said:

Try click the "Top comments" button, & select "Newest first" :question:

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Tried that, but it didnae work. :idontknow:

Plus, I've look into that Bandhub website. You need a webcam in order to collaborate with others on the site.
Something I'd huv been okay with, if my social anxiety and insecurities about my appearance weren't as bad.

Ah hate technology at times. :kickingmyself:

So, just making an attempt tae fix ma Toshiba laptop, but there's a slight issue.
This laptop which is now my backup / spare computer was originally running on Windows 8 and got an upgrade to Windows 10. Meaning I'm unsure which recovery media to download in order to resolve a start-up issue I've encountered? :idontknow:

If anybuddy here can advise, that'd be much appreciated. :thumbup:

Graeme1988 said:

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theslowesthand said:

Forgot to ask if you managed to fixed your pc??

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What total knob I am... Urrgh! Turns out that recovery issue was a simple fix. Just launch the hard drive recovery process before the laptop gets a chance to load-up and run the start-up repair. Duh!

I've sent ma HP laptop away for nowt... Awww, f**kin' mortified, man. Cuz I'm paying the guy to fix summit ah could've done, just by searching YouTube tutorials. mg: Ah know ah tend tae play doon ma intelligence, but incident like this are probably the reason why, no? :question: Since ah always 2nd guess masel' aw the time.
Anyway, that's the Toshiba sorted, and back up n' runnin'. erfect:

Ah hate that ah tend to complain so much aboot ma family on here. :sad: Since they do quite a bit for me. It's just they tend to either treat me like I'm just as ill-tempered as ma dad, or that I'm a total idiot.

As if that wus'nae bad enough, my mum will flat out refuse to help me or give advice when asked.
I'd ask, "aren't most parents supposed to do that?" - but my mum's not like most parents. An eccentric, daft wummin, with an off-beat sense of humour, who tends to throw hissy-fits when things don't go her way.

Yet she seems quite content and happy to dole out advice to my sister? But then again, she's also a hardcore, man-hatin' feminist - it's hardly surprising I get overlook and undermined in favour of the opposite gender. Sorry, ah dinnae mean tae rant.

It's just been hard going, huvin tae go through life being expected to figure everything out on, and teach yersel' about stuff that most parents pass onto their kids growing. Since neither of my parents loved me enough to impart knowledge to me. Other than tellin' me when ah wus doing something wrong. Or blaming me for something that wus'nae ma fault.

Yet everytime ah try to interact with my mum, she's distant. And when she tries the same with me, ah prefer to stay guarded from what will likely be negativity and dismissive remarks. Am I wrong for huvin this invisible wall of protection around most of the time?

Graeme1988 said:

It's just been hard going, huvin tae go through life being expected to figure everything out on, and teach yersel' about stuff that most parents pass onto their kids growing. Since neither of my parents loved me enough to impart knowledge to me. Other than tellin' me when ah wus doing something wrong. Or blaming me for something that wus'nae ma fault.

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My parents were kinda similar, in that they never imparted knowledge/wisdom to me, but were the first to get angry if i ever did anything "wrong". So you're nae the only one with dumb "simple" parents.

Here's an article that you may identify with: The Surprising Reason People Aren’t There for You :question:

Also: The Culture of Childhood: We’ve Almost Destroyed It

theslowesthand said:

My parents were kinda similar, in that they never imparted knowledge/wisdom to me, but were the first to get angry if i ever did anything "wrong". So you're nae the only one with dumb "simple" parents.

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Well, it was just my mum and 2 sisters for the most part growing up. Ma dad didnae come into ma life til my mid-teens and even then ma mum n' sisters hud nowt good to say about him. Though, I see where I got that intimidating "hard as f**k" reputation in some way. Cuz it cannae aw be doon tae the Scotch accent? :bigsmile:

Oh, and my perfectionists tendencies, since ma dad wus very particular - you hud tae meet his standards. Whereas my mum wus'nae aw that bothered as far as standards were concerned.

theslowesthand said:

Here's an article that you may identify with: The Surprising Reason People Aren’t There for You :question:

Also: The Culture of Childhood: We’ve Almost Destroyed It

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Both article made interesting reading, but yer right that first article resonated with me more. Especially that list of ways we let ourselves down.

How We Let Ourselves Down

It’s easy to identify the people who let us down. It’s much harder to notice when we aren’t there for ourselves. Here is a partial list of ways that we abandon ourselves:

• Judging ourselves harshly

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I do this way too often. Could that be down to my mum being negative towards me and being overly pessimistic in her outlook on life. Not sayin' that to place blame here. Just wondering if constantly her bang on about how shite things are all the time has influence my being cynical, y'know? Since, I'd imagine, hearing someone wallow in their own misery would make the person who has to put up with it a very depressed person also?

• Refusing to take care of our physical and mental health.

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At my lowest point, my mum went out of her way to discourage me from seeking help in the form of therapy. And I've become "a bit too obsessed" with my daily exercising routine and eating health as of late. Despite fact I've been doing that for over a year now.

• Allowing others to violate our personal boundaries.

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What would be a good example of this? Since my family are always barging into my room. Forcing me into being social when I don't feel up to. My mum has a habit of interupting when I'm speaking or will directly contradict what I've just said. As a result, I've practically been a mute for most of my late teens and adult life.

• Ignoring or suppressing our true feelings.

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If I say how I actually feel, ma family are convince I'm either lying or "just saying that" because it's something another family member says alot.

• Assuming we’re wrong when others disagree.

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Well, don't if this counts, but my mum in particular tends to tell I'm always wrong. Then when I ask her why she think this, she tells to forget about it. Since it just causes arguments between us. Since she either give me a vague answer, which means she not thought about her side of it.

Or as is always the case when challenged to elaborate, I'm accused of picking on her for daring to question her. Since ma family believe respect for yer elders means always agree with them, regardless of right or wrong.

• Failing to defend ourselves against unwarranted criticism.

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I've hud plenty of experience wth this. Though, it's difficult to defend yersel' against unwarranted critism when ma family will critic me and then say they were only "huvin' a laugh".

Or they'll be critical of me, then refuse to see my perspective. Like those incident of my oldest sister thinking it was fine to humilate me when out in public. Instead of apologising, she went onto accuse me being ungrateful for all the things she done for me over the years. Despite the fact that I've compromised on myself and my happiness just to keep my mum and sisters happy and content.

** Again, I don't know if the example I've gave match the part of the article I quoted? ** :idontknow:

theslowesthand said:

Forgot to ask if you managed to fixed your pc??

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Buckin' yasss, son!! Got ma HP Pavilion sorted. As the Weegie's would say: Awww, ya dancer! Quality, man! :bigsmile:

Proof that ah need tae huv a bit mair faith in masel' and ma abilities. But I'm always to feart in case ah ended come across as a smart-arse. Thankfully though, Microsoft now offer free disc image download of operating systems from Windows 7 and upwards that ye can burn to disc. So, nae need to buy or illegally nab it via file sharing - which ah very nearly did.

Found this interesting wee short documentary on Vimeo, called When the Song Dies, about Scottish folklore.
It was filmed at the Isle of Whithorn, which is in the regional part of Scotland where I'm from, Dumfries & Galloway.

http://vimeo.com/150802508

Graeme1988 said:

Buckin' yasss, son!!

Got ma HP Pavilion sorted. As the Weegie's would say: Awww, ya dancer! Quality, man! :bigsmile:

Proof that ah need tae huv a bit mair faith in masel' and ma abilities. But I'm always to feart in case ah ended come across as a smart-arse.Thankfully though, Microsoft now offer free disc image download of operating systems from Windows 7 and upwards that ye can burn to disc. So, nae need to buy or illegally nab it via file sharing - which ah very nearly did

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GREAT GUNS!!! :bigsmile:

Och, ah feel so... unfocused, lately. So many things still tae do, yet ah don't feel ah huv the time to do 'em. :idontknow:

Urrgh! Ah wish ma family wus'nae so... pushy! Y'know? Like constantly telling me ah should reading a particular book cuz they've heard it's a good read, or watch this movie cuz they heard great things about it.

Ah mean, ah barely huv the time or the focus anymore tae do much if anything. Plus, it's so exhausting having to keep up with pop culture.

Also got terrifying glimpse as to whit ma future holds the other day, as I wanted my franticallly search for a top she was convinced she left on the kitchen counter. But it turns out she dropped it while bring it upstairs with some of my clothes, and forgot about it.

Though, she seems to awfy forgetful as of late, which is sad. I mean I'd huv mair sympathy for her if my mum didnae use her forgetfulness as an excuse not to help or do things for me. Sorry, if that seems mean, like.

Graeme1988 said:

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^ Well, just as I rid masel' o' yin problem, ah find another. One of the USB ports on ma HP laptop is totally knackered and needs replaced. Dammit! :kickingmyself: h: Looks like ah'll be send it to be repaired after all.

On a mair positive note, ah finally scraped together enough dosh tae buy masel' that M-Audio piano keyboard and sustain pedal.



And ma oldest sister messaged her step-brother's cousin on Facebook on my behalf when I asked about guitar amp n' effect modelling software. What she failed to pass onto me, wus that she'd asked about whether I'd need that foam tiles on my wall for soundproofing. But nae worries there, apparently if the room yer in a decent size and has a high ceiling, ye dinnae need any sound-proofing.

In other words nae need tae invest in some o' these: