well that is admirable to take responsibility for your own well being like this!!!! that should not be overlooked ever! thank God you are intelligent enough of a person, to start weighing all your options! Good, we must truly FORGIVE those who don't have the discernment to know whats goin on with us. no one can really know all that is going on. and another thing, i CONGRATULATE you for speaking up! i know it can be difficult expressing the confusion inside. keep talking, writing, singing whatever it is that you do. articulate them feelings baby girl. very important. ok i'm done preaching.