Well - I'm sorry - I didnt mean to come across that way at all. I didnt mean any offense... thats the last thing that I try to do. And I am sorry that I missed the point, I try to understand but I got it wrong this time.
I find it encouraging that you want so much to have a purpose and are willing to take a chance for one. I am impressed that you participate so much in these forums which looks like a step in the right direction.
Regarding the Invalids Benefit, it's become a vicious circle, somewhat degrading and does nothing for my self-esteem. Although I don't oppose dropping out I think one does need to have some sort of purpose in life.