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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sacrament View Post
I think it would be a cool idea to create something like a Discord channel for SPW or something. Or maybe a Skype group (do those even exist? I forgot).
I dont know if skype groups are still a thing but discord could work coz it allows people to still lurk and post as they please... plus no webcam fears
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So yesterday I got some really frustrating news.. my mother (who Im sure I've probably mentioned many times that I've had issues with my whole life) s over in america on holiday visiting her partner.. while there they went to a casino (not even in las vegas, she just has a gambling problem) and she won the jackpot.. and of course it just pissed me off so much because growing up all her money went on buying her pot, ciggies and playing the pokies.. to the point where we were constantly having no money and I was stuck calling up the family (she is deaf so I always had to be the caller) and borrowing money off them (to the point where she literally emptied my great grandmother's savings account) and I was stealing the ****ing essentials like toilet paper... so Im both furious and really upset over the fact that she is over having this great holiday while Im living in half a garage desperately trying to scrimp and save for car repairs and things of that nature (literally 'treated myself' the other week to new underwear and socks coz mine were getting ridiculously worn and holey)..

She spends her life mooching off people and using people and she gets to go on this great holiday for a month to america and then continues her ****ing gambling problem and actually wins a decent amount of money.. its just not ****ing fair.. I dont care how petty I sound here because its not *******ed fair. I try so hard and always end up in the shit... I've been homeless and now I literally live in half a garage and its still one of the most stable accomadations Ive ever had in my whole ****ing life.. I try so ******* hard and I never borrow money off people except in utter emergencies and once off my dad so that I could get into uni .. and unlike her I ALWAYS pay back anything I borrow, usually with a thank gift included..

When I found out yesterday I was really furious because its just not fair that she always comes out on top no matter who she ****ing uses and crushes in the process and I try so damn hard to be a decent person and make it on my own and I always get shit on.. then of course this morning she sends me pictures of the money and now today is getting lost in a blur of anger and pain.. to the point where Im really struggling with why I should even ****ing bother trying.. its flaring up all the old issues (of her beating the shit outta me while I was growing up, and all sorts of crap that I went through) to new issues of dad is making no motions to build a granny flat.. very soon it'll be two years living in this ****ing garage... two years of it.. and he has not even started to make any motions to the granny flat he said he'd build... I was stupid for believing it might happen but I just wanted somethign to ****ing work out like it was supposed to just once.. just one ****ing time could things work out for me

I've been saving up for months to get my car repairs and im so furious and upset that im really struggling to not go and blow it all on something thats a real ****ing treat for me for once.. like a new gaming console and red dead redemption 2.. because I never get to buy myself anything fun like that because I always have other responsibilities... but im just so mad at having to scrimp and save while everyone else around me manages to make it.. so why shouldnt I get a turn at being selfish for once... when is it my ****ing turn to be able to be reckless and have fun with money and not have to worry about mechanic bills or vet bills or all the other types of bills that I always get ****ing saddled with..

Im just so sick and tired of having to fight so hard and barely getting anything but scraps all the time and getting shit on through the whole ****ing process. its just not fair
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37 minutes until the gaming shop closes and I have successfully managed my impulse control issues for another day... or only 37 minutes left to treat myself for a change... Im so ****ing torn..
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10 minutes.. cant make it in time now.. a win against my impulse control issues for one more day
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I just hate how hard I try and do the right thing and be a good person and make it on my own as much as possible and I just barely stay afloat and get shit on all the time. Im just so damn tired. thankfully uni is pretty much over for the semester.. I could not handle that on top of all this crap
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Good job avoiding the whole gambling thing!

edit: I've created a Discord server! https://socialphobiaworld.com/ive-cr...50/#post874722

Last edited by Sacrament; 3 Weeks Ago at 06:40 PM.
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Finished off the last touches on the last 4 assignments I had. Just two display days to go and uni is over for the semester. I dont think I have it in me to do a summer semester so uni is probably over for the year. Im glad. I need the rest and a real break. I can feel myself burning out and reaching the end of my tether again. Going to take some time to just rest. Im tired.
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Tomorrow is the last day of uni for the year!! At last.. I just have to head in in the morning to put up my photography display and submit another assignment with it, then go back in the afternoon to pick it up
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officially. on. uni. break.
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