Loyal's Thoughts

LoyalXenite · Nov 25, 2015

Today was my last day of my Animal Studies class. Im proud of myself for sticking with it, despite all the crap that was happening. But im also really sad, I loved the class, and Im really going to miss it. I loved the subject, the teacher was great and so were most of the classmates. I actually never wanted it to end....

It was a nice last day though, everyone brought some nibbles and we all had a little gathering at the end. I brought a pinata, which went down really well! Im keeping the head of the pinata for a little while as a little memento

LoyalXenite · Dec 2, 2015

My ex comes tomorrow to pick up the cats and the things she left behind. Im dreading seeing her. Especially because she will be coming with her younger sister...

I've had belly aches all day from the thought of them coming, the thought of the cats going.. Its what is best for the cats, but it will be the first time I have ever lived without cats so its going to be hard... But I just gotta remind myself its what is best for them...

LoyalXenite · Dec 2, 2015

She hasnt even arrived yet and she has managed to infuriate me to no end.
She is coming with her younger sister (which I accepted as a necessary evil since my ex cannot drive). BUT she is also bringing a friend of the younger sister along! A complete ****ing stranger, into my house. She knows how I feel about strangers in my home. Especially after a break in!!

Im so ****ing sick of her selfishness. She knows how it woud make me feel and she doesnt give a rats ***. As usual.

Now I am going to be stressed over a stranger coming, on top of the rest of the stress about her coming/the cats going/just seeing her... She comes in about 2.5 hours.... Then I have to go food shopping..

S_Spartan · Dec 2, 2015

I guess the only bright spot here is to be happy that this selfish person is going out of your life.

Just this week I had to tell somebody that I'm tired of their selfishness.

LoyalXenite · Dec 2, 2015

S_Spartan said:
I guess the only bright spot here is to be happy that this selfish person is going out of your life.

Just this week I had to tell somebody that I'm tired of their selfishness.

Wish I could tell her the same thing today, sadly I have to play nice so that we can work out the financial parts still... But boy is it going to be hard to play nice, especially to a stranger.. :veryangry:

LoyalXenite · Dec 2, 2015

I sent her this:
I assume that her friend will be staying outside as you know my feelings towards strangers in my house. If that was not the plan i appreciate you adjusting to make it so

I see no reason why I should pretend to be ok with her bringing a stranger to my house.

GraybeardGhost · Dec 2, 2015

LoyalXenite said:
I sent her this:
I assume that her friend will be staying outside as you know my feelings towards strangers in my house. If that was not the plan i appreciate you adjusting to make it so

I see no reason why I should pretend to be ok with her bringing a stranger to my house.

Well done! :thumbup:

I admire the way you're standing up for yourself, particularly in light of how pushy and inconsiderate she is being. Hang in there. Pretty soon you'll be able to tell her where to go and be done with it all.

LoyalXenite · Dec 2, 2015

Neither her sister nor her sisters friend left the car or tried to come in. She said she knew how I felt about strangers, so I assume neither were intending on coming in.. Just wish she could have mentioned that and saved me all the stress and panic and anger.. Now I feel stupid and guilty for how I reacted... but how was I to know?

It went smoothly. It was friendly. It Hurts like hell now though..

The last of her things are gone which is good, the cats are gone which hurts like crazy but it is what is best for them

Her scent still lingers... it will pass soon I know, but it hurts like hell in the meantime.

She is saying that if I dont have plans for xmas she wants me to come to her family's xmas, she doesnt want me to be alone. I tried to tell her that it would be uncomfortable for everyone involved, but she seems to think otherwise. I wont go though, I was awkward enough visiting her family when we were together. How could I possibly face that now... It would just be hell... I wont go. I dont like xmas anyway... I'd rather be with my dogs...

everdeenkatniss · Dec 4, 2015

beginning to get nervous about last week. My associate MAY come down for two whole evenings, which would be excellent (but i shouldn't get my desires up in case it doesn't happen). BUT her sis would be arriving with her, which would mean i get little time with my associate anyway, and my home is penetrated. Considering its a once bedroom device and all the enjoyment things is in the bedroom i daresay she will pay out any moment that she is at home in my space. I will have nowhere to getaway to.

LoyalXenite · Dec 6, 2015

everdeenkatniss said:
beginning to get nervous about last week. My associate MAY come down for two whole evenings, which would be excellent (but i shouldn't get my desires up in case it doesn't happen). BUT her sis would be arriving with her, which would mean i get little time with my associate anyway, and my home is penetrated. Considering its a once bedroom device and all the enjoyment things is in the bedroom i daresay she will pay out any moment that she is at home in my space. I will have nowhere to getaway to.

I am not sure what you are getting at here? I am assuming an old post of mine translated oddly for you? :idontknow:

LoyalXenite · Dec 6, 2015

I had two old friends come up for a night yesterday. It was great to have them here, it was wonderful to catch up, to not feel so alone... Now Im trying to adjust to being completely alone again.. As great as it was to have them here, its horrible to feel so isolated and alone now...

On top of that the issues that I had with that psycho woman, who I suspect is the one who robbed my house, are resurfacing. Someone was collecting as much info on her as possible to build a case against her so I submitted my information as well. So now its all fresh in my mind again, and Im feeling so unsafe here... I wish I had the money to move... Im sick of not being able to feel safe in my own home... I hate it. I hate being so afraid. I hate being so alone.

LoyalXenite · Dec 10, 2015

Tomorrow is the 4 year anniversary of the death of my best mate... It still feels wrong, part of me still goes to call her, or sees her in the street... The other day I caught her scent... I was home, alone, sitting on the couch when her scent just surrounded me.. I dont believe in spirits or afterlives, what I figure is that my lonely mind imagined the scent. Im not looking forward to facing tomorrow alone...

LoyalXenite · Dec 10, 2015

Today marks the 4th year since you died. You were the strongest, and most loving person I know. I can never find the right words to do your memory justice. You were the greatest, and losing you has been the hardest thing I've had to endure. I miss you everyday, you deserved so much more than what life gave you. My best friend, my sister, my mother, I'll miss you forever, and love you even longer.

"every day was a blessing in my life when you were here, every moment is cherished in my thoughts, you are loved, you are missed, you are remembered..."

LoyalXenite · Dec 15, 2015

Been spending a lot of my time playing Kingdom Hearts on the ps2, its a good comfort game...

Feeling kinda low the last few days.. doesnt help that I've been stressing over money and what to do with my life a lot lately... Trying to take it one day at a time and all that stuff...

Nanita · Dec 16, 2015

I'm sorry your friend died. The way you write about her touches me.
I love that poem by Mary Elizabeth Frye.

LoyalXenite · Dec 17, 2015

Stressed about tomorrow. Im taking in one of my pups to get desexed, I know its a routine procedure and it will likely go fine.. But I cant help freaking out and worry that something will go wrong and I will lose her... I cant bear the thought of losing any of my dogs...

LoyalXenite · Dec 18, 2015

The desexing went well, she is home and doing well, aside from being groggy and trying to take off the cone of shame... Now for 10 days of trying to keep her from busting a stitch D:

LoyalXenite · Dec 18, 2015

Cant wait til this month is over.. I hate the emotional baggage that comes with every xmas, that gets heavier each xmas..

LoyalXenite · Dec 24, 2015

Ordered pizza for my Xmas alone... and turns out I way overestimated my eating abilities... I've had pizza for xmas eve dinner, xmas day breakfast, xmas day lunch..and theres enough left over for Xmas dinner and probably breakfast tomorrow too... I was feeling guilty about spending like $45 on pizza... but its lasting through so many meals my guilt lessens with every extra meal lol

LoyalXenite · Dec 24, 2015

Pups all dressed up for Xmas

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