I never make it to the "friend zone"

I don't know why people never seem to want to be friends with me. I can have a good time with someone, hang out and get drunk and crazy with them, have a good conversation...but when that's over, people are indifferent to me. I am never called or texted, asked to hang out, nobody writes on my facebook wall or even responds to what I write on theirs. I am just an acquaintance who never becomes "one of the girls". I don't get it...I'm not obnoxious, unintelligent, clingy, overly-boring, stuck-up...but I can't ever make new, lasting friends. Why is it so easy for others? I see other people who don't even try, act like bitches, are annoying and self-centered, and yet people invite them places and are SO interested in being their friend. People are so indifferent to my existence and it's so frustrating. Anyone else feel unliked by everyone and you don't understand it??

I feel exactly the same way. I've only had 2 friends that I can think of my whole life that I "hung out" with outside of school or work- I get along with most people, and can even chat and joke around with them at work and such, but I've never felt like I belonged. It's a mystery to me.

Perhaps some of these friendships you talk about being formed so easily by annoying but "popular" people are fairly superficial or not particularly healthy or enduring?

Maybe the friendhsips that are truly worth cultivating are those that are formed on some deeper more enduring level?

You're probably right, Kimong... but I can't even get to the "superficial" friendship stage. I've never had a group of friends to hang out with or do stuff with- never been invited to anything in my life, outside of family gatherings.

I think friendships kind of have to start off a little superficial before they become closer...so yeah, I agree with you lucknomore. I can't get to this beginning stage most of the time either. But I also see your point, Kiwong, because I do think many "social butterflies" who have 50 friends probably aren't close with many of them. I think I'd like mix of both these types of friendships...deep friends and superficial but fun acquaintances

Do you have AvPD?

Because I'm pretty much in the same boat as you.

jeez if you can have fun around people while being relaxed and joking around then you are already ahead of the game. i can't seem to enjoy myself when i'm out with people so you already have the skill to really go for it. i can go out with people but i always think i'm too awkward and nervous. so i would say you are already 90% towards success. all you need to do is find some people. someone like myself is around 35% there because i'm rubbish at sarcasm and joking around in front of people.

anxiousnut said:

I don't know why people never seem to want to be friends with me. I can have a good time with someone, hang out and get drunk and crazy with them, have a good conversation...but when that's over, people are indifferent to me. I am never called or texted, asked to hang out, nobody writes on my facebook wall or even responds to what I write on theirs. I am just an acquaintance who never becomes "one of the girls". I don't get it...I'm not obnoxious, unintelligent, clingy, overly-boring, stuck-up...but I can't ever make new, lasting friends. Why is it so easy for others? I see other people who don't even try, act like bitches, are annoying and self-centered, and yet people invite them places and are SO interested in being their friend. People are so indifferent to my existence and it's so frustrating. Anyone else feel unliked by everyone and you don't understand it??

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Same goes for me. I have "hi-bye" friends to hang out with and all, but that's where it all ends -- and even then, I don't have many of these hangout friends.

It's very difficult for me to form deeper friendships with people (the sort you feel comfortable telling more about your life etc). It's ridiculously annoying how some people can do so with so much ease -- sometimes I observe these people and wonder, "Are they really all THAT?"

Well, it depends what sort of people you are trying to make friends with.

I found that a bit shy people who are 'deeper' are actually better friends than some of these so-called 'social butterflies'...

Part of it may be cultural too.. I hear in America it's easy to get friendly people to be 'hi-bye' friends with, a friend who moved there from my country actually complained about it..

For me, it was easiest to form friendships at the dorm, these were not the very loud 'party animal' type of people.. we never got drunk together.. (I didn't drink at the time, some of them did drink occasionally) it was more about meaningful conversations and going to classes together and such..
It was a quiet flat in the dorm, or 'quiet' people in a loud dorm that we really 'hit it off' with, we had some common interests, sang with a guitar together.. It was really fun..

Some people, we just went to dorm parties together, it wasn't such 'real' friendship though, and wasn't so long-term..

Also, people with many friends may already have 'enough' friends, not meaning to cut anyone off, but it's difficult to honestly be friends with too many people at one time, while still keeping track of what's happening with who etc. So it may be easier to get friends who are 'new arrivals' from other cities or countries, and not at home there.. (But you never know, so keep options open..)

Sometimes it's enough to have just one friend to go places with, and others will socially accept you too.. Or you may meet new people through them etc.

Also know if you get too drunk or crazy around certain people (who you do not know so well) or tell them too much too soon (or they tell you too much too soon) they may actually be embarassed about it, so it's better to pace this and go slowly from getting to know you to getting drunk together.. (especially if it hasn't 'worked' previously..)
And know if people harass you to go places all the time or want to hang out too much, it can be sometimes annoying and 'difficult' too, lol... (Or bad for your studies/work..)

Another thing, people respond to enthusiasm better than to other things.. maybe something to keep in mind?
There are lots of other things you can learn about communication and such too..

I feel like I give off some 'socially inadequate' vibe that scares people away. It must be little things that we don't really notice like body language, tone of voice, etc that tells people, watch out, there is a guard up.

sleeper said:

I feel like I give off some 'socially inadequate' vibe that scares people away. It must be little things that we don't really notice like body language, tone of voice, etc that tells people, watch out, there is a guard up.

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I never pay attention to tone of voice, or what my fighting fingers are doing. Wait, I know why. Too many people, too much to watch. Concentration goes out the window.

Not sure who to answer about being in a 'friend zone.'

I'm in the same FREAKING boat. At work, I can be cool with people, even remember their interests most of the time and carry on casual conversations; I can suffer with them in the case of some external mutual unhappiness; I can cover for them; I can joke, relate to them, but friendships? None, never, nope.

I feel like I'm some kind of object of curiosity that people are interested in on a superficial level, but that's about it. I think part of it is my social processing speed -- it usually takes me a while to warm up to people, but I've noticed that socially successful people can do that almost instantly. They can remember names, identify walls and ease them down, and before you know it, they have another friend. Even though I grow on people, I never make it very deep; I'm just about always kept at a distance.

I am so sorry to hear that. It sounds like you have so many non-SA qualities that i wish i had. Maybe, you are just hanging out in the wrong scenes. Or, maybe your attracting the wrong people to you, for some reason or another. Try analyzing your acquaintances you wish became friendships, and see what they all had in common. Then, try to figure out if there is anything you are doing to make these people think you don't want to hang out more. Keep in mind that in this world, most people are just selfish and think for themselves, and adding a new friend is more work than its worth for many. So, keep trying, they will come.

same here i've pretty much gave up on my friends too. at the moment i only have 2 close friends. its probably my fault i dont go out much :l