How are you feeling?

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Just given the picture you have painted on this site on many occasions about your mother and siblings I can say that the arguments that I have are not to that extent. The thing is my Mom is a saint and she is just the best. Which is why I feel even worse for letting someone like that down all the time. The arguments are with the old man and my sibling. Sometimes it could get a bit out of control but nothing too serious as far as physical abuse is concerned. Lately though I have seen a decline in those arguments because I have become even more detached from the old man and sibling that I just don't acknowledge them that often. The real victim in all of this is my wonderful mother. I wish I WISHHHHHH I could turn back time and make sure she ended up getting married to a man who was worthy of her. That way the old man doesn't get her and heck I won't have to be born. I mean if that isn't a win win situation then I don't know what is, at least in my case.

Sorry to hear yer mother suffering as a result o' the argument. Equally not great that she's still with yer dad. No offence like, just that if he's being a complete arse, she really should leave him. Just sayin'... Not suggestion you n' her do that. Since I know money tends to dictate whether moving somewhere is even a option.

Though, good on ya for not acknowledging yer old man and, is brother? :question: :thumbup: As far as argument go. Best to keep quiet and not let 'em got to ya. So, don't feel too bad in that respect. Since they should, if they see sense and realise they're just causing more stress for yer mother.

I know I've kept to myself more with the recent family drama going on around me, for better or worse. But then there's only so much ye cun take afore ye snap and lose yer temper. At least, verbally. :kickingmyself:
 

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
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defiance

Well-known member
When you wake up to a new day, it can be very difficult especially when you were hoping the day before would be your last. For years I have hoped every day was the last day and I wouldn't have a tomorrow to look forward to. It is very frustrating being alive when I don't want to be. Like I get angry at the fact that I am still alive and I can't control it that is just how I feel. Once hope dies then you feel like you should go with it but when you are forced to stick around............man does it hurt............the pain is just unreal. Or as I called it a few posts ago "a cluster f*ck tornado."
 
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Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Tense. On edge. Thinkin' about dyin'... alot. :sad:

Well, actually truth be telt. I just want a place of my own at this point. For peace n' quiet if nuthin' else. There's been nuthin' but the sound of yelling, arguing n' screaming, cryin' babies since my older sister and nieces arrived from Ireland. :crying:

Ah feel trap in my bedroom, supposed I'm right to do so according my mother who's stressed out, pissed off and finally openly admitting that I'm not as difficult to live with as she'd previously claimed 15 years ago. Nope! Just a lad who was more sensible than the folk around him would like to acknowledge.
 

AtTheGates

Banned
seriously though, I hope someday I can do what Bob used to do. He used to stand outside his house on hope road in Jamaica and just hand out money to homeless people every sunday. people would line up and he'd just give money away. I hope I'm fortunate enough some day to be able to do that because there are few things more fulfilling than knowing you changed someone's life for the better . I dont care if that sounds lame, its TRUE.
 
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FountainandFairfax

in a VAN down by the RIVER
Me too. Not that it's lookin' much like summer in the south of Scotland, where I live. Bloody dour, miserable day as per usual. Oops, sorry that's me describing my mood. Naw... There about the same. :bigsmile:

I just hate the heat.

I wear black shirts and long pants at all times, so I can't even go to the mailbox without feeling like I need to take a shower.

I imagine the gloom does get old around there in Scotland. I had a friend who lived in London and she said it was very depressing.
 

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
I just hate the heat.

Oh, tell me about it. Though, a warm day is rare where I from. That said, we'll complain about the heat if we get more than one warm day. Typically, the small-talk if we get one day of sunshine, and yer out n' about, goes:

"Nice day innit?"
"Oh aye! Long may it last, eh? Long may it last"
"It'll probably rain afore the end o' the week"

Then, by the day 3, we're sayin' things like: "This heat... Ah cannae take much mair o' it. It's too warm" :bigsmile:

I wear black shirts and long pants at all times, so I can't even go to the mailbox without feeling like I need to take a shower.

:giggle:

I imagine the gloom does get old around there in Scotland. I had a friend who lived in London and she said it was very depressing.

It does. But it's quite a pessimistic place, Scotland. Och! But ye get used to it. After awhile, the "Aye", nod n' agree response just becomes second nature, whenever someone say something negative.

Don't know if London's as depressing. I mean, I've only ever visited and stay there for a few days when my uncle talked me, my mum and oldest sister to visiting for a week during the summer back in the mid-to-late 1990s.
 

AtTheGates

Banned
took some of my comp time today to just contemplate the future (mainly career wise)

sometimes I really just need to get away from ALL people so I can maintain a positive vibe. tbh, I can't stand when I go to my spot at the river and someone else is already there... : /


anyway, saw an interesting documentary earlier on amazon video about near-death experiences. The documentary is called "Afterlife"


theres this one part where they are interviewing a woman who flatlined while she was under anesthesia and what she said about her near death experience was really interesting. she said it was the most loving feeling she had ever felt in her whole life as she walked down a tunnel of light.

Then she went on to say that people try to "plug into" material things to make them happy as well as "plug into" other people. like you get a new car and that makes you happy for a while but then it fades...you get your paycheck and go on a shopping spree but the happiness from THAT fades also...go on a date and that is kind of fun for a while but then it fades..and some people do drugs but of COURSE that always fades ..anyway, she gave all these different examples and then she said she finally realized that the only thing that truly makes her happy is getting close to god...and there are MANY ways to do that (praying is one of them)..I suppose that almost dying is the only thing that made her realize that though..which is unfortunate.

but for ME personally, getting close to god can be done by enjoying nature (hiking, jogging, photography, etc) ...and thats something ANYONE can do.


anyway, and then THAT made me think of Saint Francis and also Hildegard von Bingen and how they were so close with nature ...I mean, they may have been a bit OUT THERE but despite that I think they were on to something with some of their teachings.


anyway, I also read this earlier today...im not trying to say that praying is some kind of magical "cure-all" but there is something more to it than many people might think.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/more-mortal/201406/5-scientifically-supported-benefits-prayer
 
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I don't mind the summer heat, and the constant sweating, and the stuffy air. I've gotten used to it.

It's winter that i "dislike". My energy can drop really low.

Mind you, i am skinny/slim, so i feel the cold & can handle the heat.
 
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AtTheGates

Banned
alright I just want to say I would never do this but my sister showed me this video a little while ago and we were talking about how great it would be if a group of people had showed up at the riots in Virginia and just started doing a corny/cheesy flash mob dance to de-escalate the situation. all the protesters would just be like "wait.....what!?" and start laughing and having fun instead of arguing and fighting .


who knows if that would work (to counteract the violence) but its worth a try . lol.....IM not going to do it though .haha

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UYFdK6mWpm4
 
alright I just want to say I would never do this but my sister showed me this video a little while ago and we were talking about how great it would be if a group of people had showed up at the riots in Virginia and just started doing a corny/cheesy flash mob dance to de-escalate the situation. all the protesters would just be like "wait.....what!?" and start laughing and having fun instead of arguing and fighting .


who knows if that would work (to counteract the violence) but its worth a try . lol.....IM not going to do it though .haha

Yeah yeah, i can see it now ... the rioters start dancing, and they have a big "dance-off" like in the michael jackson video "beat it" :bigsmile:
 

AtTheGates

Banned
Yeah yeah, i can see it now ... the rioters start dancing, and they have a big "dance-off" like in the michael jackson video "beat it" :bigsmile:


haha:lol:

then one of the KKK members joins in and starts dancing along to it and the other members are like "Jethro, what the hell are you doing!?!? cut it out!"
 
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Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
My life's one massive disappointment, to my family, but especially to myself. :sad:
And life as a human is a huge letdown. :thumbdown:

Ma life's just yin huge f*ckin' mistake. I never should've came intae existence. :crying: And had I knew I'd be spending much of my life being treated like shit... Hell! I'd happily have died at birth, as I almost did. :sad:
 
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