Is anybody else afraid to change for the better?

[theslowesthand]

A lot of the reason I avoid people is because I don't want to be like them if I am honest. Therapy is all about making you like everyone else

Therapy could NEVER make me like anybody else, as my personality's seems to have been "set in stone" for at least the past 20 years; it couldn't, and nor would i LET it even if it could.
I have also avoided society/commonality due to this EXTREME FEAR of being like them (even though due to my various traits/disorders, it probably was an unfounded fear, but i didn't know that way back then due to being so neurotic & paranoid )

 

[theslowesthand]

Just trying to put some puzzle pieces together...

~social mask --- anti-social mask (or suit/shield/shell; SA/depr/etc; beast) --- real personality (true self; angel)

Does this ring true with you folks :question:


Edit:Further complicating matters, i just found this quote: "Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth" hehe :question:

 

[SoScared]

I'm at a significant threshold. My new Buddhist teacher is giving me all the skills I need to focus on the positive and change old unwanted behaviours. When outside away from my local area I seem to be able to apply the teachings quite successfully. Contrastingly when i'm at home a lot of the old negative expecting to fail thinking patterns return. The fact that I can do 'it' but not yet always indicates that if I continue to practice I will continue to improve. It also means that I will have a lifetime of always having to check myself and coming back to the now or going with the flow. I think we call that Buddhism (vipassana). Its a beautiful thing.

Shinzen Young The Science of Meditation in Action
+ many Youtube videos
this guy knows & he can teach

 

[Steiner]

I understand that fear quite well. I sort of long for the older days but it's better this way.

 

[SadSally]

Just trying to put some puzzle pieces together...

~social mask --- anti-social mask (or suit/shield/shell; SA/depr/etc; beast) --- real personality (true self; angel)

Does this ring true with you folks :question:


Edit:Further complicating matters, i just found this quote: "Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth" hehe :question:

That's true. It's kind of like confession box if you're catholic. You're sitting in a dark box and the priest can't see you so you tell all your sins.

 

[SadSally]

maybe hypnotherapy would work better to just solve the issues but keep the personality?

 

[Graeme1988]

That's truly a "LOAD OF *******S". Of COURSE enivironment & upbringing has a VERY SIGNIFICANT part to play. What on earth did she say that for ... i tell you, some people just aint cut out to be therapists :thumbdown:

Well... Now, ladies don't take this personally. But ah think ma therapist said this pish about enivironment and upbring because wimmin are telt from a young age that they're good. Therefore, wimmin can do no wrong, thus how much easier it is for them, generally, to claim victimhood rather than take responsibility for their action.

 

[Sacrament]

Oddly enough, I've always had this strange misconception that by changing my state of mind (going from self-conscious to confident, etc) would change who I am. Rationally, I know that doesn't make any sense. I guess it has something to do with the fear of change itself: you give yourself excuses not to leave your (dis)comfort zone.

 

[HexNoir]

I'd change everything about myself if I could, for the better.

The problem with lasting changes IMO is that they take a lot of consistent WORK. The people who are afraid of turning into someone else aren't exactly aware that the change takes time and patience, and involves a lot of growing as a human being.

We're all changing and growing in some way all the time. It's nothing to be afraid of, IMO.

 

[theslowesthand]

Well... Now, ladies don't take this personally. But ah think ma therapist said this pish about enivironment and upbring because wimmin are telt from a young age that they're good. Therefore, wimmin can do no wrong, thus how much easier it is for them, generally, to claim victimhood rather than take responsibility for their action.

There maybe some truth in that, as we are all "good" deep-down, both women (the supposed "better half") & men, but also we are all "bad" but more on the surface (ie "sinners" in various meaning of the word .. or imperfect/flawed to put in non-religious terms)

 

[theslowesthand]

This page explains some of the main things that change when you change for the better:

High vs Low Self Esteem - SocialPhobiaWorld.com

:thumbup:

 

[hoddesdon]

Other comments like this have been made on this site. Perhaps it is SA defending itself (?)

 

[FountainandFairfax]

Other comments like this have been made on this site. Perhaps it is SA defending itself (?)

Yeah, it's what I call the "maladaptive shuffle."

 

[nicole1]

Well... Now, ladies don't take this personally. But ah think ma therapist said this pish about enivironment and upbring because wimmin are telt from a young age that they're good. Therefore, wimmin can do no wrong, thus how much easier it is for them, generally, to claim victimhood rather than take responsibility for their action.

Actually I've never been told I was good. I was yelled at a lot and questioned for some of the things I wasn't even sure was going on. I kinda struck out on my own to find my own definition of success... Didn't quite make it, but oh well. I tried.

I don't think this is true for everyone. I think it could be just as true for some men because I know plenty of women who spoil their sons and they tend to get away with some wacky stuff. And I only mean SOME.

 

[Inook]

But therapy isn't about changing who you are, it's about allowing you to be who you are. If you are shy and have trouble talking with others, therapy doesn't mean that you will always talk or scream and everything, it's about removing limitations so you can choose who you want to be instead of being forced to.

 

[PugofCrydee]

Ive had some great therapy, parts of it have allowed me to see where I am at fault.

But I think as I get older I'm getting tired of having to self talk that I'm 'wrong' or I have 'faulty thinking patterns' (SA). I'm getting tired that I am told the rest of the world is right and I'm the one at fault.

More and more these days I'm saying 'stuff it and stuff you', I'll be who I want to be.

 

[Ransfordrowe]

If your trully happy with how your life is know then why would you need therapy and risk changing who you are.If however if you are unhappy with alot of your life and how you feel about things and yourself then therapy could help.Fear of the unknown makes sense but it can be an excuse to not try something difficult.

I have had CBT and it was not about changing the positive things about myself.It was about learning the things that held me back and impeded on my growth as a person.Learning how to deal better with anxiety and life.Alot of it helped me and I would recomend it.

Maybe you ask more people on the site about their positive and negative therapy experiences.

 

[Kiwong]

Some of the advice I get in Therapy is to connect with people, but if I am honest the change I really want to make is to have the freedom to withdraw from people.

 

[Requiescat]

This notion that one doesn't want to change because "I won't be me/real anymore" is highly flawed. Retrogressive even. Whether you like it or not, you are changing by the second. With each new experience, thought, spoken word you are changing. Biochemically and physically, you are changing. You cannot stop the momentum of change, but you can direct it. Hence why we ended up on a site like this: We allowed negative external influences to change us, or we suffered other things that took control of our lives. We must learn to affect positive change in our lives. We must take control of our problems to become something more than we already are. You can either wallow and regress further, or take a stand. Stunting your growth is not being real; it's a tragedy.