Ithior
Well-known member
I am not exactly sure what triggered mine, but I'm constantly thinking about it trying to figure out where things went wrong. I don't know why I do this, since it seems that knowing it won't really help me dealing with it.
My current theory about when I started closing myself from the people around me (and ultimately led to social anxiety) has two points: the first is when I broke up with my girlfriend seven years ago (only girlfriend I've ever had by the way), and I didn't want anyone to know I did it because I was starting to like another girl. To be fair, my girlfriend could only be with me 15 minutes a week, and as a 15 year old I wasn't exactly ok with having a sort of long distance relationship. But anyway, I didn't like my reasons so I kept it a secret and I still haven't told anyone as of today.
The second point doesn't seem very important, but I think it made me feel different from everyone else. Relatively soon after the breakup I started liking metal music (symphonic/melodic/power/folk metal, not heavy or death metal) and I thought I'd be seen as a weirdo by everyone else, so I kept that a secret as well. Music was a very frequent conversation topic though, and I couldn't participate because I didn't like the stuff they listened to and I was afraid of talking about what I liked.
So I became used to hiding what I liked, my thoughts and feelings, and when I started liking anime at the end of high school, it was the icing on the cake. Now I couldn't even discuss TV shows and movies and I didn't have any other interest besides video games, which I couldn't talk about because at the time girls barely played video games and guys who played games were nerds/geeks and everyone made fun of them.
I was checking my MSN Messenger logs from 2008-2011 and it seems to corroborate my theory. I broke up with my girlfriend at the end of 2007, and stopped talking about my feelings by the beginning of 2008. I started liking metal music between 2008 and 2009. I can clearly see in the logs that in 2009 I was talking to a lot less people, and having way shorter conversations than in 2008. Unfortunately I don't have my logs from 2007 and before, but I believe I had more and longer conversations back then as well. This trend seems to continue: in 2007, I talked a lot to a lot of people; in 2014, I only talk to one person regularly, but even so it's only about video games or jobs.
Feel free to talk about yourselves, I only created this thread because I thought the post wouldn't be read if I posted it in the Random Thoughts Thread.
My current theory about when I started closing myself from the people around me (and ultimately led to social anxiety) has two points: the first is when I broke up with my girlfriend seven years ago (only girlfriend I've ever had by the way), and I didn't want anyone to know I did it because I was starting to like another girl. To be fair, my girlfriend could only be with me 15 minutes a week, and as a 15 year old I wasn't exactly ok with having a sort of long distance relationship. But anyway, I didn't like my reasons so I kept it a secret and I still haven't told anyone as of today.
The second point doesn't seem very important, but I think it made me feel different from everyone else. Relatively soon after the breakup I started liking metal music (symphonic/melodic/power/folk metal, not heavy or death metal) and I thought I'd be seen as a weirdo by everyone else, so I kept that a secret as well. Music was a very frequent conversation topic though, and I couldn't participate because I didn't like the stuff they listened to and I was afraid of talking about what I liked.
So I became used to hiding what I liked, my thoughts and feelings, and when I started liking anime at the end of high school, it was the icing on the cake. Now I couldn't even discuss TV shows and movies and I didn't have any other interest besides video games, which I couldn't talk about because at the time girls barely played video games and guys who played games were nerds/geeks and everyone made fun of them.
I was checking my MSN Messenger logs from 2008-2011 and it seems to corroborate my theory. I broke up with my girlfriend at the end of 2007, and stopped talking about my feelings by the beginning of 2008. I started liking metal music between 2008 and 2009. I can clearly see in the logs that in 2009 I was talking to a lot less people, and having way shorter conversations than in 2008. Unfortunately I don't have my logs from 2007 and before, but I believe I had more and longer conversations back then as well. This trend seems to continue: in 2007, I talked a lot to a lot of people; in 2014, I only talk to one person regularly, but even so it's only about video games or jobs.
Feel free to talk about yourselves, I only created this thread because I thought the post wouldn't be read if I posted it in the Random Thoughts Thread.
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