There is no cure, but still hope, I believe

OceanMist

Well-known member
Before everyone gets mad, hear me out on this one.

Yes, I'm saying there is no 100% cure to SA and shyness (btw, i think those things are pretty much the same thing, shyness/SA) if you have what they call bad shyness (an example of someone who has bad shyness is me, someone who hasn't had close friends for 6 years or so and pretty much never has a g/f), your shyness will never go away.

But, there are things you can do to get a social life, a successful social life. Those type of things are discussed on here, as in joining social clubs such as softball leagues, kickball, basketball leagues, etc. There are other things too, heck if you are lucky you can even be approached if put yourself out there, or there are people on here that approach other people and get friends that way.

I think people like me need to accept that we'll never be perfect and just try to enjoy what we can out of life and not worry about trying to "fix ourselves." A lot of people mention fixing themselves, and I don't like that term because you can never 100% fix yourself.

I think "improve" is a better term. "Taking action instead of hiding" is another good statement. Sorry if I sound stingy and technical right now.

Feel free to give me your thoughts on this.
 

Bo592

Well-known member
I say I am one that always felt like there was a cure to find on SA. If your happy with loneness then you should not worry about change. But if your someone like me who had enough of being alone and never having any friends to hang out with then should try your best to improve yourself. I am tried of going though life where everybody else act like talking is this big entertainment and I am still falling a sleep during the conversations.
 

Bo592

Well-known member
Before everyone gets mad, hear me out on this one.

Yes, I'm saying there is no 100% cure to SA and shyness (btw, i think those things are pretty much the same thing, shyness/SA) if you have what they call bad shyness (an example of someone who has bad shyness is me, someone who hasn't had close friends for 6 years or so and pretty much never has a g/f), your shyness will never go away.

But, there are things you can do to get a social life, a successful social life. Those type of things are discussed on here, as in joining social clubs such as softball leagues, kickball, basketball leagues, etc. There are other things too, heck if you are lucky you can even be approached if put yourself out there, or there are people on here that approach other people and get friends that way.

I think people like me need to accept that we'll never be perfect and just try to enjoy what we can out of life and not worry about trying to "fix ourselves." A lot of people mention fixing themselves, and I don't like that term because you can never 100% fix yourself.

I think "improve" is a better term. "Taking action instead of hiding" is another good statement. Sorry if I sound stingy and technical right now.

Feel free to give me your thoughts on this.

I am sorry ,I hope I did not kill your thread I did not mean to do that if I did. I hate when I feel like I killed someone thread.:crying: I get what you are saying you have to accept who you are in order to move on. part on saving ourselves is to rid hate from our own minds for that is what hates us the most instead of people like what we think that hates us the most.:kickingmyself:
 

planemo

Well-known member
Before everyone gets mad, hear me out on this one.

Yes, I'm saying there is no 100% cure to SA and shyness (btw, i think those things are pretty much the same thing, shyness/SA) if you have what they call bad shyness (an example of someone who has bad shyness is me, someone who hasn't had close friends for 6 years or so and pretty much never has a g/f), your shyness will never go away.

But, there are things you can do to get a social life, a successful social life. Those type of things are discussed on here, as in joining social clubs such as softball leagues, kickball, basketball leagues, etc. There are other things too, heck if you are lucky you can even be approached if put yourself out there, or there are people on here that approach other people and get friends that way.

I think people like me need to accept that we'll never be perfect and just try to enjoy what we can out of life and not worry about trying to "fix ourselves." A lot of people mention fixing themselves, and I don't like that term because you can never 100% fix yourself.

I think "improve" is a better term. "Taking action instead of hiding" is another good statement. Sorry if I sound stingy and technical right now.

Feel free to give me your thoughts on this.

Well i agree. It's my personal belief that deep down i'm just a shy little boy and i don't think that will ever change. even if i felt more comfortable about my looks and i didn't have crippling anxiety and other issues, i genuinely believe i'd still be shy and elusive. obviously this is just my opinion so my word is by no means final for anyone who thinks different or wants a different outcome for themselves.

i'm always trying to fix myself since i realise that being shy makes me incompatible with others, and it makes me stand out as different and my qualities are usually perceived as less or of no worth. this makes me believe that in order to acquire the right results, or success, i need to be more than what i am.

for me i could liken shyness/SAD/AvPD (call it what you like) to a chronic illness. which can stop you from living life on the same plane as everyone else. but rather than try to find a cure, it might be best to just look after and manage your illness, since there may be no cure. a person with a chronic illness needs help from others and himself in order to lead a life which we deem as normal but only if he understands and manages the symptoms he has. i think for me i need to try and live with my condition and try to excel within it, rather than hope to be cured from it.

again, i can understand if anyone feels differently...
 

OceanMist

Well-known member
Well i agree. It's my personal belief that deep down i'm just a shy little boy and i don't think that will ever change. even if i felt more comfortable about my looks and i didn't have crippling anxiety and other issues, i genuinely believe i'd still be shy and elusive. obviously this is just my opinion so my word is by no means final for anyone who thinks different or wants a different outcome for themselves.

i'm always trying to fix myself since i realise that being shy makes me incompatible with others, and it makes me stand out as different and my qualities are usually perceived as less or of no worth. this makes me believe that in order to acquire the right results, or success, i need to be more than what i am.

for me i could liken shyness/SAD/AvPD (call it what you like) to a chronic illness. which can stop you from living life on the same plane as everyone else. but rather than try to find a cure, it might be best to just look after and manage your illness, since there may be no cure. a person with a chronic illness needs help from others and himself in order to lead a life which we deem as normal but only if he understands and manages the symptoms he has. i think for me i need to try and live with my condition and try to excel within it, rather than hope to be cured from it.

again, i can understand if anyone feels differently...

Yes, this is what I've been trying to say in this thread.

So many people want to tell people like us that "we'll be fine" and that we'll fully overcome our shyness if we go to therapy or take the right meds or something of that sort.

I think we should just take your approach to the whole thing. Accept that we will always be messed up and be "shy little boys" as you said, but at the same time work on improving ourselves so that we can live our lives with friends or g/fs if we want them.

I'm going to call out society on this and say that, everything is not going to be ok, people. Not all people are going to become 100% cured from an illness they have, and yes, it is an illness that we have.

There can be negative things in life and will be negative things in life. I think this must be accepted so we can be okay with failure and move on to the positive successes of life, because that's where society is right, that there can positives in life.
 

OceanMist

Well-known member
"We are who we are." That's a quote that many people don't want to hear, but it's true. I am shy, by nature. That's who I'll always be. What I'm saying though, is that I can still do something about it and bring myself a healthy and happy life by sharing my life with other people.

I've been told a few times to not let my shyness define me. Well you know what, it does define me. I'm shy, that's who I am, who I will always be. And you know what, that's ok. It's ok because I can still have a decent life if overcome my shyness enough times throughout life to have personal relationships.

Whether we like it or not, our shyness is the label we will always have. It's either learn to go out in the world and deal with that label that we are given (the shy guy), or hide in our rooms all day due to fear of being given that label. I want the former, and I know you all do too.
 

laure15

Well-known member
I agree with OceanMist and etherami, our shyness can't be 100% cured so we must accept it and try to overcome it. Improvement is better than not doing anything. Great advice.
 

leongrado

Member
Before everyone gets mad, hear me out on this one.

Yes, I'm saying there is no 100% cure to SA and shyness (btw, i think those things are pretty much the same thing, shyness/SA) if you have what they call bad shyness (an example of someone who has bad shyness is me, someone who hasn't had close friends for 6 years or so and pretty much never has a g/f), your shyness will never go away.

But, there are things you can do to get a social life, a successful social life. Those type of things are discussed on here, as in joining social clubs such as softball leagues, kickball, basketball leagues, etc. There are other things too, heck if you are lucky you can even be approached if put yourself out there, or there are people on here that approach other people and get friends that way.

I think people like me need to accept that we'll never be perfect and just try to enjoy what we can out of life and not worry about trying to "fix ourselves." A lot of people mention fixing themselves, and I don't like that term because you can never 100% fix yourself.

I think "improve" is a better term. "Taking action instead of hiding" is another good statement. Sorry if I sound stingy and technical right now.

Feel free to give me your thoughts on this.

From the title I thought you had cancer or something.

It's good to accept your current situaion but I feel like having a "no cure" mindset would keep you from growing.

I think there's nothing wrong with spending time alone if that makes you happy. I know I used to feel guilty when I don't go out and party but I now know that there's nothing wrong with wanting alone time. Doesn't sound like you are extremely happy so I would keep trying to improve yourself socially. If you're not out making friends and socializing because it scares you and you're more confortable staying at home then I would try to change that.
 

OceanMist

Well-known member
From the title I thought you had cancer or something.

It's good to accept your current situaion but I feel like having a "no cure" mindset would keep you from growing.

I think there's nothing wrong with spending time alone if that makes you happy. I know I used to feel guilty when I don't go out and party but I now know that there's nothing wrong with wanting alone time. Doesn't sound like you are extremely happy so I would keep trying to improve yourself socially. If you're not out making friends and socializing because it scares you and you're more confortable staying at home then I would try to change that.

You totally misunderstood me. When did I ever say anyone should be in total isolation?

The whole point of this thread is to accept that we are shy and go out in the world and be our weird shy selves around other people.

I just read your post again and I honestly don't understand why you answered with what you said. I clearly stated in my post that we should join social clubs and try to make friends and even try to get g/fs if that's what we want.

I suggest you go back and read all of what I said in this thread.

What's funny is the first thing I said is I hope people don't take this the wrong way....which is exactly what you did.
 
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OceanMist

Well-known member
I agree with OceanMist and etherami, our shyness can't be 100% cured so we must accept it and try to overcome it. Improvement is better than not doing anything. Great advice.

Thanks for understanding this thread. I was hoping some people would understand this thread, and it looks like you have.
 

Lou-s-Darkness

Well-known member
Yeah, I pretty much gave up on the whole "cure" thing. I just knew in my heart that no matter what I attempt it won't go away forever. I accepted it and I'm trying to do things others do (even though I do them awkwardly). Sure I still can't order food or speak in public, but I can at least manage to hold a conversation (sometimes lol)with people like classmates and the like...I'll never really fit in, but I hope to not be alone at least.

And I definitely agree with what you're saying. Improving is a great start and for some it's the only thing they are able to do.
 

zen_mistress

Well-known member
I am a more outgoing person, but I dont understand what is wrong with being shy. Shy people to me look cute, mysterious, sort of like cats. What is wrong with being quiet and mysterious? if everyone was loud it would be an obnoxious world with noone to be around if you want some peace and quiet.
 

Steelsoul

Well-known member
I don't know about you, but keeping in mind that there was "a cure" make me have more hope that I can live like a normal person and have a social life. I've tried so many ways to find that cure and ended up in failure. Now I know that there was no cure, i guess i have to accept that I'm shy like this, it's my personality. But is there something we can do about it, since there's no completely cure? I don't want to be alone like other shy people, and i don't want to feel uncomfortable around them too
 

leongrado

Member
You totally misunderstood me. When did I ever say anyone should be in total isolation?

The whole point of this thread is to accept that we are shy and go out in the world and be our weird shy selves around other people.

I just read your post again and I honestly don't understand why you answered with what you said. I clearly stated in my post that we should join social clubs and try to make friends and even try to get g/fs if that's what we want.

I suggest you go back and read all of what I said in this thread.

What's funny is the first thing I said is I hope people don't take this the wrong way....which is exactly what you did.

I sincerely apologize if I took your post the wrong way and I'm sorry if I made you mad or uncomfortable in any way.

When did I say anyone should be in "total isolation"? I said people shouldn't feel guilty about spending "alone time" not "spending life alone".

I'm saying there's nothing wrong with spending your time alone. I know extremely socially confident people who choose spending more time alone because that's what makes them happy.

Can we agree that there's nothing wrong with that?

I hate how society sees being social as "right" and rejecting social interactions as "wrong". NO I don't think everyone should "join social clubs and try to make friends and even try to get g/fs". Unless you're assuming that everyone on the threads wants to do those things but can't because of their SA.

If you want to be more social and it makes you happy, then by all means go out there and spend time with people. I'm with you 150%!
 

OceanMist

Well-known member
Yeah, I pretty much gave up on the whole "cure" thing. I just knew in my heart that no matter what I attempt it won't go away forever. I accepted it and I'm trying to do things others do (even though I do them awkwardly). Sure I still can't order food or speak in public, but I can at least manage to hold a conversation (sometimes lol)with people like classmates and the like...I'll never really fit in, but I hope to not be alone at least.

And I definitely agree with what you're saying. Improving is a great start and for some it's the only thing they are able to do.

Yep, that's what I was trying to get at. I like how you said you may never fit in but maybe there is hope for us to not be alone.

I'm in this basketball league right now and I'm the most socially awkward dude probably in the entire league but it's still fun to play basketball and I have had a fun playing in the games.
 

OceanMist

Well-known member
I am a more outgoing person, but I dont understand what is wrong with being shy. Shy people to me look cute, mysterious, sort of like cats. What is wrong with being quiet and mysterious? if everyone was loud it would be an obnoxious world with noone to be around if you want some peace and quiet.

There is problem with being shy. I'm not speaking out of turn here, because I'm shy. Let me explain.

The problem with being shy is it is often a cue to other people that the shy person doesn't want to talk to anyone. Whether we like it or not, if someone is shy, they can easily come off as standoffish or "i hate the world" mentality, and that makes many other people very reluctant to include the shy person in their crew of conversation.

Quiet and mysterious often leads to quiet and alone. Expecially if it's a guy who is quiet.

It makes it harder to make friends. If being quiet and mysterious were so great, we wouldn't have people coming on here complaining about it.
 

OceanMist

Well-known member
Guys I really think we can overcome it completely if we can just train our brains. I just know we have it in us. We don't have to just settle for less. Just saying for anyone that wants to really improve.

Some people may be able to do that on here, but I do believe there is a group of people like me that are in the higher shy category where it's actually a disorder and all people like can me can do is improve on it and contain the disorder.

I do think people of the higher shy category can make friends and get g/fs, but I also think they will always have that shyness there with them that will make them struggle through certain social situations.

Still, at least they can live a prosperous social life. That's all that really matters in that aspect.
 

Lou-s-Darkness

Well-known member
Yep, that's what I was trying to get at. I like how you said you may never fit in but maybe there is hope for us to not be alone.

I'm in this basketball league right now and I'm the most socially awkward dude probably in the entire league but it's still fun to play basketball and I have had a fun playing in the games.


Yeah definitely. I love tennis and I usually play it in tennis courts where there are many ppl watching. I absolutely hate the attention and sometimes it makes me play awkwardly, but doing what pleases me and what I love is worth it in the end. You just have to find your way around it somehow, and some outlets help us cope in a way.

:thumbup:
 

OceanMist

Well-known member
I don't know about you, but keeping in mind that there was "a cure" make me have more hope that I can live like a normal person and have a social life. I've tried so many ways to find that cure and ended up in failure. Now I know that there was no cure, i guess i have to accept that I'm shy like this, it's my personality. But is there something we can do about it, since there's no completely cure? I don't want to be alone like other shy people, and i don't want to feel uncomfortable around them too

Yep. Read through what I said. You can join social clubs, try to make friends at work, school, etc. It's not easy by any means if you are shy, but there is hope.

I was just trying to point out that we shouldn't expect to be "cured" 100%. We should try to find a way to live healthier socially and accept the successes and failures that come with it.
 

OceanMist

Well-known member
Yeah definitely. I love tennis and I usually play it in tennis courts where there are many ppl watching. I absolutely hate the attention and sometimes it makes me play awkwardly, but doing what pleases me and what I love is worth it in the end. You just have to find your way around it somehow, and some outlets help us cope in a way.

:thumbup:

I like tennis too. I used to play it in junior high. I'd like to get back into it but I'm not sure if I know of any tennis clubs in my town.

That could be another way for me to possibly friends. Thanks for the idea.

I wouldn't worry about the attention u r getting for playing a sport. Sometimes I laugh when somebody in the crowd is trying to act like they could do better than people on the court in basketball.

I guess I've just played in so many sports in front of people that I'm used to it. Caring what people think of your skill level is a waste of time. It really doesn't matter what they think. The person with the most courage is the one who is willing to go out there and risk failure.
 
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