Made a fool of myself

[cowboyup]

I went downstairs to get something to drink and SIL's mom and sister were there.

She wanted to talk. Fine. That's cool, she doesn't have a case of the jitters like me. She just wanted to converse because I've been up in my room literally all day long while the whole clan of SILs were downstairs.
They are going to be here for a week or two but I don't have to watch the kids much so that is a BIG PLUS.

I digress, sorry. I am shaking right now. I just can't handle a normal, innocent conversation. God, what is wrong with me? I found myself shaking my water bottle (like water needs mixing?) and rocking back and forth while I stood there trying to form a sentence. Oh and lets not forget my hand gestures flying everywhere like I am Italian. Jeez...even my voice got shaky and crackly like I was going thru puberty.

I feel embarrassed. I want to pull the covers over my head and hide til they are gone.

It's not them...really, it's Me. Now my mind is thinking and analyzing what I said to her. What I didn't say, did I make sense? What does she think of me right now?

 

[Phoenixx]

Oh and lets not forget my hand gestures flying everywhere like I am Italian. Jeez...

^ Hey now, what's wrong with that??

I understand. I'm exactly like that too, not just the hand gestures (I sometimes sit on my hands to keep myself from moving them so much) but the stumbling through words and just the overall nervousness. I know it sucks, but try not to kick yourself for it. Don't worry about what they'll think. I can assure you by the time the next morning/day comes, they will hardly remember every single thing you did. With SA, we're the ones more likely to remember every detail and criticize ourselves for it.

Maybe try challenging yourself a little this week and push yourself to speak to them. I know that's really hard, but once you push through even a little bit of that anxiety, speaking to them will be easier.

 

[cowboyup]

^ Hey now, what's wrong with that??

I understand. I'm exactly like that too, not just the hand gestures (I sometimes sit on my hands to keep myself from moving them so much) but the stumbling through words and just the overall nervousness. I know it sucks, but try not to kick yourself for it. Don't worry about what they'll think. I can assure you by the time the next morning/day comes, they will hardly remember every single thing you did. With SA, we're the ones more likely to remember every detail and criticize ourselves for it.

Maybe try challenging yourself a little this week and push yourself to speak to them. I know that's really hard, but once you push through even a little bit of that anxiety, speaking to them will be easier.

Gosh, I hope so. all I can think is that they are asking my brother, "what's wrong with your sister"
She told me that they are making breakfast/dinner tomorrow and "come on down, join us"

Eat in front of them? I don't want to be rude and NOT eat. Be the worst diet ever - 'girl starves to death in room while family pigs out" News at 11.

You are right, going over every detail in my head.

...BTW, Italian is Not bad...just that in no way, shape or form do I even come close to it...I am the quintessential florescent pasty white girl whose just flings her extra long limbs about like weirdo.

thanks for the talk, Phoenixx!

 

[Nathália]

I went downstairs to get something to drink and SIL's mom and sister were there.

She wanted to talk. Fine. That's cool, she doesn't have a case of the jitters like me. She just wanted to converse because I've been up in my room literally all day long while the whole clan of SILs were downstairs.
They are going to be here for a week or two but I don't have to watch the kids much so that is a BIG PLUS.

I digress, sorry. I am shaking right now. I just can't handle a normal, innocent conversation. God, what is wrong with me? I found myself shaking my water bottle (like water needs mixing?) and rocking back and forth while I stood there trying to form a sentence. Oh and lets not forget my hand gestures flying everywhere like I am Italian. Jeez...even my voice got shaky and crackly like I was going thru puberty.

I feel embarrassed. I want to pull the covers over my head and hide til they are gone.

It's not them...really, it's Me. Now my mind is thinking and analyzing what I said to her. What I didn't say, did I make sense? What does she think of me right now?

Aww. You're still wonderful cowboyup. My anxiety makes me freeze up, stutter and sometimes become mute. I know that feeling after an incident like that happens. It sometimes can be sad feeling. I really don't see anything bad about what you've done, there is nothing wrong with colorful body language unless you're jumping around like Richard Simmons or something 24/7, I think you'll be alright.

 

[cowboyup]

Aww. You're still wonderful cowboyup. My anxiety makes me freeze up, stutter and sometimes become mute. I know that feeling after an incident like that happens. It sometimes can be sad feeling. I really don't see anything bad about what you've done, there is nothing wrong with colorful body language unless you're jumping around like Richard Simmons or something 24/7, I think you'll be alright.

LOL, you made me laugh re: the Richard Simmons
I don't think I was quite like him...but I am quite certain I burned some calories...gosh, what we put ourselves through, right?

 

[MikeyC]

Oh, lordy, I know what you mean. I don't get the shakes like that, but I do stutter trying to find the right words, and then once the conversation's over, I replay it in my mind and scold myself for what I had said, even though it's probably nothing.

Don't sweat it. I'm sure your sister-in-law's mum didn't notice or mind too much about what was said.

 

[Srijita52]

I know how you feel and I also overanalyze everything I said or didn't say. Don't be too hard on yourself. Conversations are hard, specially with anxiety. I guess the only way to get better is to keep practicing.

 

[Richey]

My advice is to only feel anxious and bothered in their presence and then just try to be pleasant and helpful, that's it, you dont have to be a comedian or a best friend to them unless you really want to.

So when you are not in the same room with them then completely block them out. THat way your focus is souly in the current moments and not tied to the past and the future. So don't feel guilty about anything.

But today at work for me i had to work with two very close friends, so you can just imagine it. they are joking around the whole time, showing off to all the other staff and share loads of stories between each other the whole time. I just laughed for the most part and added to the conversation when i could think of something relevant. But i felt a bit out of place because i don't have the knack to joke around so freely like they do. I sort of wish i was more free spirited but self consciousness really gets in the way of it. But i think just being there and showing some interest is enough sometimes.

Also one last thing, remember that any interaction you have with them is an outcome not a failure. its a result. if you found it awkward then review the conversation afterwards and maybe spend some time thinking of what you would have said had you been fully relaxed, that way you've checked yourself.

Also try slowing down your thoughts and the conversation, listen to the words coming from the other person as well. It may not be as compelling as you assume it to be so you may come to a realisation that you can feel comfortable and can have input into conversations more than you realise.

 

[Facethefear]

I can relate because it still happens to me and I get through it;
Last week, I was driving near my house and passed a "For Sale" sign in front of a cute lakefront cottage and hurried home, researched the listing on the net (my price range)and phoned my real estate agent and made an appt for Saturday. On Friday evening, my dog and I walked over to take a look around because I thought the house was unoccupied) and there were 2 women and 2 little dogs outside so my mutt wanted to play, causing a conversation to start that veered into my upcoming visit and resulted in me being asked if I wanted to "look around?" My brain went from "at rest" into overdrive wondering if I should accept the invitation or was she being polite and I should be as polite and tell her "oh no, I will see it tomorrow, I wouldn't want to take up your time" My dog was on his back legs, pawing the air, wanting to play with her dogs so I said
" Just a look around, if you don't mind" and into the house I went zooming around and trying to sound and look calm as my mind raced thinking:
Now I have to call my real estate agent and tell her not to bother coming tomorrow unless I want to make an offer and then she would have to be here and she will never know I saw the place and what harm is it that I accepted an invitation to look around to see the layout because there are questions I would ask an agent and not the owners and even though it is a holiday weekend other potential buyers might scoop this place because the owners might want a quick sale and I would be sorry I didn't act quickly - where are the dogs?/should I be wearing shoes in her house?/does she think I am a tire-kicker?/just thank her-get the dog and leave/why are they selling?/nice view of the lake/I really like it/Where would I put all my plants?/
The owner is smiling at me as it looks like I am heading out the door, but then I see the miniscule bedroom that is smaller than cozy and all my manners leave me:
Me: This could be a problem. Is that a Queen bed? I have a double.
Owner: Yes. Do you need more space for your clothes?
Me: No, I need more space for me. I would get claustrophobic. I quess the room would look bigger if the big bed and armoire were removed and I used a twin bed. I don't need a big bed because I sleep alone but where would I keep my clothes?
Owner: You could use the armoire in the bathroom.
Me: There would be a lot of humidity after a bath.
My brain was telling me to stop and depart but another force held me back with my mouth yapping away. My rational mind told me it wasn't her problem, but still I blundered on until I restrained myself, grabbed the pooch and bid them farewell. My anxiety level was way up there and it took me minutes to breathe almost normally as my brain berated me:
You wasted her time/she was being polite/you didn't have to disagree with her/why didn't you shut up about the bedroom/how long was I in there?/
Then a car was behind us and slowed down so my doggie and I moved off to the side of the road and the man driving spoke to me - it was a neighbour - and my anxiety started to build - mind racing again and as the conversation continued my body was tiring rapidly with my brain imaging ways to end the talking and carry on the walking. It finally ended and I got back to my house worn out from interacting with humanity.
I used to beat myself up alot by reliving and remembering events where I could have acted better, but now I know I do the best I can and I probably wasn't as ridiculous as I imagined so...tomorrow is another day.