No One Wants MotherWolff

[MotherWolff]

Hi Everyone!:: Now I don't want to sound like I'm whining but I just can't seem to get any man to fall in love with me. I'm too frightened to talk to men in person. I can't even make men friends let alone women friends. I just want to experience an intimate relationship with a good man. I feel like the only guys that are actually attracted to me are the ones that are no good for me.

I just don't know what I can do to make myself more attractive. I believe that my social anxiety/phobia holds me back from attracting a positive man. Please let me know if any of you Social Phobia World citizens go through the same thing(male or female, doesn't matter). Or hand me some valuable advice. Help MotherWolff.::

 

[megalon]

You're not alone in your relationship struggles on this forum. I'd wager a guess that most of us have that problem.

 

[kilojoule]

From following the forum posts I can confirm that you are not at all alone.

Confidence is key. The higher the (quiet) value you assign yourself, the higher the (quiet) value others will assign you.(To pre-empt follow up posters...this is different to cockiness which is a value people LOUDLY assign themselves)

 

[MikeyC]

Getting yourself out there is a good start. Do you have friends that go out? It doesn't have to be nightclubs, but somewhere where there's going to be lots of people. Men attend these places and there's a chance one may approach you.

Online dating is a possibility, if you're into that stuff, too.

Jewel hit the nail on the head, too: confidence is key. If you're confident in yourself, then men will see that.

Good luck.

 

[1BlackSheep]

I feel like the only guys that are actually attracted to me are the ones that are no good for me.

I hear ya', MotherWolff! This Black Sheep always seems to get wolves in sheep's clothing.

 

[MotherWolff]

You're not alone in your relationship struggles on this forum. I'd wager a guess that most of us have that problem.

I really do appreaciate that comment megalon. I really just wanted to see how people felt about this. Its really sad how most of us struggle with this issue. But let's never give up hope that someday we will get better.

From following the forum posts I can confirm that you are not at all alone.

Confidence is key. The higher the (quiet) value you assign yourself, the higher the (quiet) value others will assign you.(To pre-empt follow up posters...this is different to cockiness which is a value people LOUDLY assign themselves)

I believe in this advice. Thank you jewel. This is a useful suggestion even for extroverts. I most definitely need to apply this to everyday life.

Getting yourself out there is a good start. Do you have friends that go out? It doesn't have to be nightclubs, but somewhere where there's going to be lots of people. Men attend these places and there's a chance one may approach you.

Online dating is a possibility, if you're into that stuff, too.

Jewel hit the nail on the head, too: confidence is key. If you're confident in yourself, then men will see that.

Good luck.

To answer your question, MikeyC, I don't really have friends at all except a few on the internet like here at SPW, but only one in person. Unfortunately she doesn't drive and neither do I so we don't see much of eachother. This of course makes MotherWolff feel.terribly sad. Motherwolff has tried online dating but I have yet to find a match. No one really replies to my messages and I feel pitifully desperate. Thanks for all your help though.

I hear ya', MotherWolff! This Black Sheep always seems to get wolves in sheep's clothing.

That was awesome metaphor use considering your username. It was kinda funny what you said but a bit sad. I'm relieved to know that I'm not the only one who feels this way.^_^

 

[MikeyC]

To answer your question, MikeyC, I don't really have friends at all except a few on the internet like here at SPW, but only one in person. Unfortunately she doesn't drive and neither do I so we don't see much of eachother. This of course makes MotherWolff feel.terribly sad. Motherwolff has tried online dating but I have yet to find a match. No one really replies to my messages and I feel pitifully desperate. Thanks for all your help though.

Not having a car would be a little bit of a hindrance, but keep up conversation with your friend and hopefully you two can meet up and go out one day soon.

Don't give up with online dating, either. These things take time and it's not easy.

I'm sorry you feel "pitifully desperate," but hang in there. Somebody will want the charm of MotherWolff.

 

[GraybeardGhost]

I hear ya', MotherWolff! This Black Sheep always seems to get wolves in sheep's clothing.

It's always a bad sign when you catch them wearing your clothing.

 

[1BlackSheep]

It's always a bad sign when you catch them wearing your clothing.

Haha - that too! ::

 

[hoddesdon]

You are obviously speaking sincerely, since you are using the first- instead of the third-person.

 

[Hoppy]

Or you can date me for a month or two ,and then you will realise there are worse things than being single.

 

[TailsAlone]

The thing about giving advice around here is that we can't always follow our own. But at the very least we can understand what you're going through. It's not that nobody wants Motherwolff, it's that nobody knows the real Motherwolff, at least not enough to approach her. You think that other people are always analyzing you and can see right through you and are relentlessly judging what they see. But really all they see is what you put out there, and if you're like us then your whole demeanor says "I'm not interested, leave me alone" no matter how loud your heart says "love me."

Naturally, referring to yourself in the third person will not help either.

 

[MotherWolff]

Yeah, Tails, its really easy to give advice but its so difficult to follow it. And I don't talk first-person in real life, silly.::

And I really do appreciate all the advice I've been seeing on this thread. :> Thank you all for your help.:3

 

[Sial Axetder]

No one wants Sial either, not alone but sure feel like it.

 

[NP88]

"Or you can date me for a month or two ,and then you will realise there are worse things than being single."
That's funny Hoppy haha

Yeah, you're not alone in this. People who have SP generally don't actively pursue relationships. Whether it is a friend or a lover. I tend to keep away from people trying to get close to me in any way which obviously is a hindrance in starting a relationship. I know when Im more open people tend to look at me differently and show interest. So as far as I can see it from my point of view you either need to : Work on the things that are holding you back as far as meeting people and having new experiences are concerned or hope to get lucky some day and have someone pursue you that's a good match.

 

[OceanMist]

This may sound really screwed up but maybe a start would be to stop looking for "a match" for now. Don't get me wrong, finding love in the long run can be a goal of yours, but I noticed you said something about not being able to find a match through online dating.

I personally think that the match and profile stuff on online dating doesn't tell you enough about what someone is really like in person. I've had situations where women were entirely different in person than they sounded online.

If you talk to anyone who has success through dating, they've almost all been on many dates or had many relationships or have talked to dozens to hundreds of the opposite sex. That's just the way it works, you usually have to deal with a lot of attempts at dating people until you find one that you want to be with long term.

I know it sounds weird, but trial and error is what everyone else who has relationships seems to go through to get that marriage level or whatever.

I admit that I had chances at long term relationships but I rejected the women due to my dislike of what they look like. The positive thing is that I had some shots, so I've headed in the right direction.

Like Mikey mentioned, you have to find some way to get out and meet people.

The big thing I see in your post, Motherwolff, is that you don't have any friends and you aren't meeting anyone in person through online dating. So, that means you aren't meeting anyone in person, right? Well, if that is the case, then it's impossible to meet anyone if you keep doing what you are doing.

We really have two options. Either go out to social events (examples: softball, church, kickball, bars), or meet people in person through online dating.

I also am having trouble getting in a long term relationship. I know how you feel. It's a lonely existence. I also know the reason I'm in my situation is due to me not going out enough.

It sucks because I know what I'm doing wrong, but I'm so shy that going out and approaching women is something I can't get the courage to do over and over again. Not having friends makes it much harder to go to bars and other social events for me.

The "easier said than done" addage is so true. I feel everyone's pain here that can't get in a long term relationship.

We must keep believing! Maybe we all find someone.

 

[MotherWolff]

I believe that the first step to this whole relationship thing is to make friends somehow. But the only real obstacle in that path are my pathetic social skills. Hell I can hardly hold a conversation no more than one minute. There have been a few people I have spoken with for maybe about twenty minutes at the most.

Sadly, most of my conversations(if you could even call them that) consists of one or two words like "good morning," "good afternoon," "good evening," "hi or hello," and "bye or see you." Its as if I'm to afraid to step out of my comfort zone and really have a simple conversation with someone. I feel like if I can't at least make friends, then I won't even be able to have a husband let alone a boyfriend. Perhaps you are right, OceanMist, maybe I should just stop looking for now.....

 

[MotherWolff]

Well, I would like to meet someone at a young age like all of my brothers and sisters did. I get so jealous when I see how successful their marriage life is and I am left wondering why my life couldn't be similar to them. I feel like I have to be the first to come up to a guy and say something for him to even notice me. I'm like a shadow to the men that I happen to be attracted to. Why? Its just not fair, ya know? I apologize if it seems like I am feeling sorry for myself.......

 

[OceanMist]

Perhaps you are right, OceanMist, maybe I should just stop looking for now.....

Oh no, I didn't mean you should stop looking.

What I meant was that you should keep on looking for a man except you should stop looking for a man that is a match for a little while.

I was trying to get you to lower your standards temporarily until you attain more confidence through meeting guys in person through online dating.

For instance, go online and look for a guy that sounds trustworthy enough and start talking to him. Guys respond on there at an astouding rate. I've researched it before and the men respond to women more than double the times that women respond to men.

Meet him in a public place and see where it goes. As you said, it may be awkward, but at least you are trying. It's better than doing nothing.

When I started the online dating, i thought that I may not be able to talk at all and it turns out I can talk to a woman for hours without it being awkward. You may surprise yourself.

 

[Sial Axetder]

Well, I would like to meet someone at a young age like all of my brothers and sisters did. I get so jealous when I see how successful their marriage life is and I am left wondering why my life couldn't be similar to them. I feel like I have to be the first to come up to a guy and say something for him to even notice me. I'm like a shadow to the men that I happen to be attracted to. Why? Its just not fair, ya know? I apologize if it seems like I am feeling sorry for myself.......

Mostly its the men's job to do this (bold). If you're doing this then I want to give you a smile Way to take social roles and do it your way.