Judging others

gustavofring

gustavofring

Well-known member
Do you think it's bad to judge others? Isn't it inevitable and the people who say they don't judge others merely say it to be perceived as a nice person?

I've held up the Mr. Nice Guy facade for very long and it hasn't given me anything at all. I don't think "Judge not and you shall not be judged" thing is true. It's self-delusion. You will always judge be judged. Some people will like you, others will not, that's life.

I more and more slip into the "I don't care anymore how anyone will perceive me" modus. It feels liberating to judge others sometimes, quietly in my mind, and I now understand why everyone does it; because it makes you feel better about yourself. It defines who you are by setting yourself apart and in my opinion makes you more likely to form a solid identity. Also it can improve your life by more conciously picking the people you want to have around you in your life.

Now I'm not saying I'm some super judgemental person all of a sudden. I'm not gonna tear anyone's looks or personality or life choices to shreds or be a major gossip queen. But I can say to myself "I don't like that man or woman" quietly in my mind. I won't delude myself anymore to somehow "see good" in everyone.
 
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SacredClown

SacredClown

Active member
Good point! I find judging other people as part as a self-protection instinct which was okay for a long time. these days it becomes exaggerated from the social-anxiety and i find myself trying to second guess or mind-read other people, usually ending up way wrong. Changing self-protecting beliefs is tough.
 
Srijita52

Srijita52

Well-known member
I agree with you. I also think its inevitable. Its just something we all do and it doesn't make us bad at all. I guess it only can be harmful when we're not willing to give people enough chances before jumping to wrong conclusions about them.
 
Starry

Starry

Well-known member
I always think that we should judge others to a degree... After all, we judge whether or not we want to see a certain film or listen to a piece of music... And, we simply cannot like everyone else, so we have to make judgments in order to decide whether we will get along with them or not/whether we want to spend time with them or not/whatever else...

It's only a problem to judge others if you are judging them unfairly - such as by trivial or cosmetic things such as their looks/hair-colour/skin colour/wealth etc... Especially with "snap-judgments" and not by things which actually matter... AND if we condemn them because of our judgments...

I prefer to think of the phrase "judge not... etc" as "Condemn not..." And even then, obviously some people should be condemned for their actions, the concept of crime wouldn't exist otherwise...

We use judgments every day, and we should use them... We have the ability to judge for a reason... Just use judgement for good and not for bad and do not unfairly dismiss anyone.

Also, without judging people, how could we tell the difference between "good" and "bad" people and their actions? Don't forget, you're judging someone if you see them in a positive light too.
 
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Labyrinthine

Labyrinthine

Well-known member
It's human nature to judge people. Everyone does it. I don't see it as a bad thing, unless taken to extents where, for example, a person won't bother with someone who isn't what they deem attractive.
 
ScaredToBreathe

ScaredToBreathe

Well-known member
I honestly don't judge others much. I believe everyone is equal and even if they look or act a way that I don't like, that's who THEY are, no one is perfect and so just let people be who they wanna be. I've known so many a**holes, liars, cheaters, etc and though I don't approve of many things they do I'm still nice to them and could never judge them for any of the choices they make, if their choices aren't negatively effecting me or others.

I believe most of us feel more worried about what others are judging us for, not how we are judging others. and usually judgement comes on a whim and is temporary anyways, so it shouldn't matter that much.

and I think Starry has a point not to condem others for the way they are. most of the time you never know what is going on in their life, what they're thinking, or what their true intentions are. it's only the way you perceive them - as positive or negative - by the way they portray their selves through looks/behaviour/actions etc. think about someone with SA, we of all people should know how it is to be wrongly judged! many of us have been wrongly judged as rude, shy, unintelligent, or boring because we are so quiet.
 
coyote

coyote

Well-known member
i have found that the less i judge others

the less i think that others judge me

this has done wonders for my anxiety

who am i to judge anyway?

why do i think that people or things should be the way i think they should be?

where i did i get the idea about how they should be in the first place?

it's not my universe - i'm just visiting for awhile

i've decided my stay will be a lot more enjoyable if i relax my grasp

and hold everything in my life with a lighter touch
 
twiggle

twiggle

Well-known member
Judgement is automatic. I'd hazard a guess and say that we all judge people. Even those with social phobias judge 'popular' people. And it's true it can also be a protective measure.

But the sin is not the judgement itself. The sin is if you use those automatic assumptions to define how you feel about that particular person without being open-minded enough to let the person you're judging possibly prove you wrong. If the way you judge somebody alters the way you treat them, that's when it's wrong.

Everybody should be given a chance.
 
Hellhound

Hellhound

Super Moderator
ScaredToBreathe said:
and I think Starry has a point not to condem others for the way they are. most of the time you never know what is going on in their life, what they're thinking, or what their true intentions are. it's only the way you perceive them - as positive or negative - by the way they portray their selves through looks/behaviour/actions etc. think about someone with SA, we of all people should know how it is to be wrongly judged! many of us have been wrongly judged as rude, shy, unintelligent, or boring because we are so quiet.
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I don't like being judged, but not everyone is going to like me. Same goes for us. We are not obligued to like and tolerate everyone, we have the same right not to like someone just as some have a right not to like us if we aren't their type.

I don't condemn anyone, but I am sure as hell that I don't want to have anything to do with certain type of people and I'll stay away if I notice attitudes I don't like.

For example: If I'm trying to have a conversation wtih someone and the only thing they do is talk about themselves all the time, not letting you say anything about you, voice a problem, etc. and demanding attention the whole time, then I get annoyed and I just try to stay away from them as much as possible. I understand they might have an issue that causes them to be like that, but I am not a psychologist, I can't be there for them 24/7 to talk only about their grandiosity and their issues. I like to be able to talk about my day too, have a two sided conversation, otherwise it just doesn't work.

I've met really troubled people in the past and they've been very demanding and rude to me. Yes, I understand they had a problem that caused them not to be able to see what they were doing, but it's not my issue. I have a right to get mad at them and even tell them off if necesary. It's not my fault if they haven't bothered to get help.

Err... sorry. I think I'm rambling.
 
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Meggy0001

Well-known member
I do judge people, its something that I can not help. Sometimes the thought just comes to my head but I do believe that everyone judges everyone :/
 
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Etbow23

Well-known member
A therapist I had once told me that I tend to get very judgmental of others when I am feeling badly about myself. As in, when my self-esteem is especially low, that's when I start labeling, judging, and putting down other people.
 
coyote

coyote

Well-known member
Etbow23 said:
A therapist I had once told me that I tend to get very judgmental of others when I am feeling badly about myself. As in, when my self-esteem is especially low, that's when I start labeling, judging, and putting down other people.
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i think that's an important insight
 
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