When it comes to interacting with someone new

[KiaKaha]

That you have not come across before, dont know very well, or that you perhaps have very little interest in interacting or speaking with... what kind of process do you go through before making a move with that person?

Do you wait for them to say hello to you first before interacting with them, or do you learn something about them (find common ground for example) and engage with them first?

What makes you approach someone first? Or what makes you ignore someone? What are the reasons behind interacting with certain people and not others? Or do you engage with anyone that you can find some thing to talk about with?

Because all of us, have underlying reasons and motivations about who we speak with and let into our lives - and I am wondering, what those reasons are..

 

[MikeyC]

Well, if I'm in a group, and there happens to be someone I don't know and we're all talking, I'll introduce myself. That way it's not weird or anything. Even if I have no desire to hang out with that person later, it's probably easiest to not make it awkward. Of course, I don't follow that 100%, heh.

I would never approach a person randomly for conversation. That's out of my bounds for the moment.

 

[KiaKaha]

Well I am just kind of wondering how relationships initially form. I notice that people are often reluctant to talk to people that they dont already know - so if thats the case, for everyone (so it seems) then what is it exactly that invokes someone to speak with someone that they havent before - and also the opposite - why is it others interact with some people more than others? I sometimes think its almost at comfort thing - a sense of familiarity when it comes to dealing with others.

If everyone is so afraid of each other (because we dont know them to begin with) then how exactly does anybody anywhere actually get to know each other - if both parties dont make the effort?

Its almost like a self propagating idea - we ignore some people because we ignore them, and we talk to others because - well thats just the way its always been...

I dont know...I am tired.

 

[WeirdyMcGee]

It depends on how threatened I feel by them.
Moderately or Extremely-- I determine that... and if it's moderately, I'll say hello first just to force myself to do it.
If it's extreme-- I'll probably have to turn around to vomit a few times and they ask me if I'm alright and we take it from there.

It really depends on how stupid I'm feeling that day-- how I react to people.
I think that determining how threatened I feel will always apply to these situations, though.

 

[Duzmiu]

i never approach someone like that, dont have the confidence for it, if someone talks to me first it all depends how im feeling at the time, if im doing ok il be polite and have a chat but if im having a bad day il still be civil but wont let the conversation go on

 

[hidwell]

I will interact with someone new if they seem friendly, if I'm unsure I won't bother.

 

[Starry]

I won't speak to anyone first... I'll say "hello" to neighbours as I walk by them, but no way would I start a conversation with them! Even on the internet I will not speak to people first, if they don't talk to me, then nothing will be said. Forum posts are different, because the threads are open to everyone so there is no direct focus on me... But conversation is a whole different matter...

 

[coyote]

it really all depends on a number of factors

1. my mood, state of mind, what's occupying my interest at the time, etc.

2. how compelling, attractive, interesting i find them

3. the potential nature of our relationship and its payoff - for instance in a work situation: is this someone who is going to be my boss, or am i going to be their boss - it makes a difference

4. how they act towards me initially - the "vibes" or "energy" they put out in my direction

5. whether i find them intimidating or "safe"

6. how much time i actually spend with them, or the proximity of our interaction - i naturally form a different relationship with someone i see all day everyday versus someone i see only occasionally

7. the "click" factor - sometimes it's hard to put my finger on - for whatever reason, we just seem to click - we're on the same wavelength, share similar thoughts, experiences, opinions, etc.

 

[1BlackSheep]

It depends on how threatened I feel by them.

Same here! If I don't feel threatened, I have no problem talking to them. But, if I'm feeling intimidated, then all bets are off and I go silent!

 

[Silatuyok]

I started a new job recently, and I've had a lot of opportunities to interact with new people. My interactions are pretty much based on how much one on one time I end up spending with that person. If it is someone who works at the front desk all day and I only see in passing, then I will say hi or make a casual remark about the weather and move on. If it is someone that I have to spend time with in the same room while we are working in close proximity, then I will make a big (for me) effort to strike up a conversation, ask them about their tastes in music, what restaurants they like, etc.
When I first started there, people were all over me with questions about where I was from, what I do for fun, etc. It was nice, though a little nerve-wracking, to have to answer so many questions about myself, but it made me feel like they were actually interested in knowing me. So now, especially with new people, I make a special effort to talk to them if we have a chance to work near each other.
So, to answer your question, for me it all comes down to whether or not I end up being stuck in the same room with someone. ::

 

[LazyHermitCrab]

I'll look at that person and smile. I only say hello if they're right next to me.

 

[Invisibleman]

I can never really interact with people unless they say something to me first and 9 times out of 10 its entirely situational.

Like for example Il be sitting there and a girl drops her phone and I pick it up for her and shes like "oh thank you lucky ive got a case on it" and it goes from there sort of thing.

 

[JuiceB]

I can never really interact with people unless they say something to me first and 9 times out of 10 its entirely situational.

Like for example Il be sitting there and a girl drops her phone and I pick it up for her and shes like "oh thank you lucky ive got a case on it" and it goes from there sort of thing.

I'm exactly like this. I'm not use to conversating with strangers but when I do its normally dependent on the situation. Of course I also try to keep it short and sweet.

 

[KiaKaha]

I find it quite interesting how most people wont approach or initialize a conversation with someone first - I guess, this being a forum full of people who are socially phobic, that is to be expected - although, I do notice it rather a lot in the real world too - unfortunately I cant go right up to people and ask "What makes you want to talk to some people and not others" - well I could, but I dont think I would be very well received.

The biggest mystery is, that if this is typical behaviour - then I wonder - how is it people actually get to know one another? Form friendships and relationships - if no one really has a particular inclination to get to know someone they dont already know - then how is it done? Everyone is strangers at some point. How is anybody to know what anyone is like - unless somebody make an effort first. Something else I have noticed is that when you dont know someone (from lack of interest of engagement perhaps) then people start to assume to know what they think someone is like.

I will make a big (for me) effort to strike up a conversation, ask them about their tastes in music, what restaurants they like, etc.
When I first started there, people were all over me with questions about where I was from, what I do for fun, etc. It was nice, though a little nerve-wracking, to have to answer so many questions about myself, but it made me feel like they were actually interested in knowing me. So now, especially with new people, I make a special effort to talk to them if we have a chance to work near each other.
So, to answer your question, for me it all comes down to whether or not I end up being stuck in the same room with someone. ::

I think this is rather nice - particularly in regards to effort and new people. Of course getting to know people has to be practical too - you cant get to know everyone if you only see them briefly - but I admire your attitude when the opportunity is there.

 

[vj288]

It depends on the nature of the interaction. If it's sort planned interaction - with customer service people, appointments with therapists, doctors or teachers, that kind of thing - I always wait for them to initiate and usually just answer questions the whole time.

If it's not, if I'm just around a stranger or someone new, well unless they initiate 99.999% of the time there is no interaction. And unless I am feeling ambitious or extra comfortable I reply with the least amount of words I can basically just replying to them, and sometimes not even in a polite way (meaning if they ask me a question I may not ask them the question back). I sometimes will try to keep conversation going, but that's always hard, that's either for practice. I usually never see someone and think "hey maybe I could be friends with them," and I'm not really comfortable talking with strangers or non-friend people, so I basically don't in the situation.

 

[mikebird]

it really all depends on a number of factors

1. my mood, state of mind, what's occupying my interest at the time, etc.

2. how compelling, attractive, interesting i find them

3. the potential nature of our relationship and its payoff - for instance in a work situation: is this someone who is going to be my boss, or am i going to be their boss - it makes a difference

4. how they act towards me initially - the "vibes" or "energy" they put out in my direction

5. whether i find them intimidating or "safe"

6. how much time i actually spend with them, or the proximity of our interaction - i naturally form a different relationship with someone i see all day everyday versus someone i see only occasionally

7. the "click" factor - sometimes it's hard to put my finger on - for whatever reason, we just seem to click - we're on the same wavelength, share similar thoughts, experiences, opinions, etc.

Coyote!

This will be a checklist for me to live by.

However, as I remember, and consider my actions for next time I find a stranger, it'll never be straightforward. It's so much easier and comfortable for me to wink, smile and then ignore & walk the other way, feeling the horror and dislike, in return. Locker room, weights room - where I'm heading

There's one stranger I've been introduced to by my current one friend in my town (who I know, because of my last girlfriend from year 1996 to 2000; she has a very close set of mates, because they all grew up in the same town) who was my only chance to ever meet anybody new. He's a natural social, finding new. A stranger is an alien to me. One of those who refuses to ever 'do any work at all' and loves to scrimp on government payouts only, and hated school, and walked out early. This is the group how I knew from that girlfriend. Those two dropped by yesterday, ringing my doorbell endlessly yesterday, which I felt like cowering, taking action of ignoring them, as the equivalent of not asking the phone. My feelings came out but putting clothes on and coming out to meet them. I wanna be friendly, and don't like being cold, but it's more sensible to ignore if you know you can't get on!

There are just about everything else in the world I can deal with, if it's not a human:

Seeing cars in the street as I walk past, or drive past them, I'll remember which I'll like for the future... don't want a saloon agin, as it's too big or me. The colour. The size. The manufacturer. Drive layout: I want a rear drive with a front engine, because I haven't tried that before. I'm sick of FF front wheel drive hatches. German or Japanese. No less than 2.0 litre. Unlikely a big 4x4. Maybe a low one. Impreza or quattro. I used to talk this stuff with that girlfriend when the car, pointing out car types... 'do you remember that one..?'

I can deal with weather: cold / hot / hail / snow / ice / disasters: floods, wind, explosions...

others cower in the street, dreadfully frightened of occasional light rain, with an umbrella, once the rain has stopped. Crying when it's tooo cold

I can cope with animals: if they bite - 'quitos, the jungle, big cats, snakes, safari

I can deal with any machine that's not working properly. I'll fix it.

People: colleagues or boss: clam up. Walk the other way. My way or the highway. I like the word ' compromise '. Can't do it with strangers. They don't do it with me.

I want to try the list, and change