Bitter about being unattractive

awkwardamanda

awkwardamanda

Well-known member
OceanMist said:
I think it comes down to a few things:

1. Fear of being alone.
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It's a good thing I like my alone time. If I'm ever in a relationship again, I need someone who gives me my space when I need it.

OceanMist said:
2. Fear of having lower social status (Whether we like it or not, the older we get, the more unusual a person is if they haven't been married. Many may disagree with that but I think that's the way society is, at least here in the USA. It's the way most people will see people like me when i get into my late 30s.)
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Well, I don't like it. I will probably be seen that way too, but I'm not caving to societal pressures if it isn't what I want.

OceanMist said:
3. Wanting someone to have sex with on a consistent basis. Sex is powerful. As you said, lust is powerful, too.
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Unfortunately, when people choose the wrong partners and marriages start to fail, the sex they had hoped for starts to happen less often and isn't as good when it does.

OceanMist said:
4. It goes back to the media too, like Felgen preaches on here. The media has led many people to believe that they aren't normal if they aren't sexually active or if they haven't been married by the time they are in their late 30s or so.
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I really wish more people would accept that it's okay to be different and to follow the path less traveled in life.

OceanMist said:
Those things have an impact on a lot of people whether we like it or not. There are other factors like family too. A lot of people don't want to fail their parents, like many mothers encourage their daughters from a young age to get married, and so on.
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HA! My parents had a big fight when I was about eight or nine and my mom's words of wisdom were, "You go to school, and you get yourself a good job, so you never have to depend on a man." I will never forget that. Priceless.
 
twiggle

twiggle

Well-known member
awkwardamanda said:
I really wish more people would accept that it's okay to be different and to follow the path less traveled in life.
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Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!!

I think back to a conversation at an old workplace a few years ago... a colleague was speaking to another colleague, 'You're 27, you better hurry up if you want kids'.
I just thought, really? That's what life is? One big guideline?
I don't get it, and I'm glad people here feel the same way, because IRL I know very few people who are willing to consider the idea they may never marry. Of course, it's each to their own, but it just makes me feel like a weirdo because here I am working out my 'plan B' so to speak... not marrying is a real possibility. I'm a commitmentaphobe and very particular about the kind of guy I'm after... not 'high standards' as such... just, particular ones.
 
OceanMist

OceanMist

Well-known member
I just thought about something kind of funny. It is easier for someone like me, who's only dated 4 women, to say that people are getting married too much. Those people that are getting married are usually getting in way more relationships than I am, and have a lot more people showing intimate interest in them because they get out more and talk to more people.

I can just see one of those outgoing people telling me what I just wrote in the above paragraph.

It makes me wonder, what if I was an outgoing person? Would I be preaching the same marriage complaint? Maybe I'd be the person getting reamed by a woman for all my money and children in a divorce or two, lol. I don't have children and haven't been married, I'm just trying to picture what things would be like if i had the opposite personality that i do have now.
 
Pookah

Pookah

Well-known member
I don't like this generalizing that girls like jerks. I like thoughtful, kind, calm personalities. Silly sense of humor, intelligent conversation and I'm hooked.
 
OceanMist

OceanMist

Well-known member
Pookah said:
I don't like this generalizing that girls like jerks. I like thoughtful, kind, calm personalities. Silly sense of humor, intelligent conversation and I'm hooked.
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It's not the jerkiness that they like, it's the social confidence. Jerks tend to be socially confident. Most women are into social confidence in a guy.
 
KiaKaha

KiaKaha

Banned
A girl I dated once told me "why do I even like you? Your such a sarcastic little jerk...!"

I will always remember that - ... dont know why she got do upset... I thought an ironing board was a great birthday present.

Im kidding... about the ironing board. The rest of its true.
 
awkwardamanda

awkwardamanda

Well-known member
MikeyC said:
Sounds like my parents. They tolerate each other and my mum was a stay-at-home mum, too (she works a little bit now that we're older now). I don't know if the love is there.

Your dad being grumpy and demanding isn't a good look, either, and I hope any man you get won't be like that!

We say we don't want to make their mistakes, but then if we have kids, they'll look at us and say, "boy, I'm not going to make their mistakes when I'm older!" I think all future generations will say that.
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Yup, sounds familiar. I won't put up with a guy like that. And I don't want kids, so I won't have to worry about my kids saying the same thing. But I think you're right. Every generation is gonna say they won't make their parents' mistakes, but sometimes it's easier said than done.

twiggle said:
They'll probably assume that if somebody isn't married, then they're either a terrible partner, or have question marks over their sexual identity.
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I've had one boyfriend. We were together about four years and I've been single just as long. Early in the relationship, my brother told me he had thought I was a lesbian. I kinda think he was serious. A couple of weeks ago he had gone on a few dates with a girl he had met recently. He was telling my mom and I about her and she said, "I was gonna ask, 'hows' your love life?' but I guess it's okay." Then my brother said to me, "What about Amanda's love life?" I think I just shrugged. Then he asked if I was a lesbian. I said no. Then he said to my mom, "Just wait till she comes out of the closet....Would you still love her? No, you wouldn't. You're old school." (She's a homophobe.) I think I had called him an ***hole at that point. He said he was joking and I was like, "I don't think you are."::(: I don't mean this as anything against gay people, but it's insulting if people see you that way when it isn't true. I'm an introvert with a low sex drive and little need for social contact. So what? I'm still straight, but apparently that isn't clear to people.:confused:

twiggle said:
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!!

I think back to a conversation at an old workplace a few years ago... a colleague was speaking to another colleague, 'You're 27, you better hurry up if you want kids'.
I just thought, really? That's what life is? One big guideline?
I don't get it, and I'm glad people here feel the same way, because IRL I know very few people who are willing to consider the idea they may never marry. Of course, it's each to their own, but it just makes me feel like a weirdo because here I am working out my 'plan B' so to speak... not marrying is a real possibility. I'm a commitmentaphobe and very particular about the kind of guy I'm after... not 'high standards' as such... just, particular ones.
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I'm well aware I'm an outcast in this world. I'm not "normal" and I have no desire to be. Oh well. I just don't want to be questioned and looked down on because of it. I'm picky too, which is also why I expect to be alone. It's not just my lack of social skills and rare opportunities to meet guys. It's that there probably aren't too many guys out there who would suit me to begin with. On top of that, the chances of meeting any of them aren't very good anyway. There are certain things I would need from a guy, and other things I just won't put up with. I'd rather be picky and alone than unhappy. And since I don't want kids, I'm never going to have that better-hurry-up-and-find-someone issue.
 
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MikeyC

MikeyC

Well-known member
awkwardamanda said:
I've had one boyfriend. We were together about four years and I've been single just as long. Early in the relationship, my brother told me he had thought I was a lesbian. I kinda think he was serious. A couple of weeks ago he had gone on a few dates with a girl he had met recently. He was telling my mom and I about her and she said, "I was gonna ask, 'hows' your love life?' but I guess it's okay." Then my brother said to me, "What about Amanda's love life?" I think I just shrugged. Then he asked if I was a lesbian. I said no. Then he said to my mom, "Just wait till she comes out of the closet....Would you still love her? No, you wouldn't. You're old school." (She's a homophobe.) I think I had called him an ***hole at that point. He said he was joking and I was like, "I don't think you are."::(: I don't mean this as anything against gay people, but it's insulting if people see you that way when it isn't true. I'm an introvert with a low sex drive and little need for social contact. So what? I'm still straight, but apparently that isn't clear to people.:confused:
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Sorry you had to be confronted by that. I had people assume I was gay because I had no girlfriend and I was not confident. It's hard to assure them that's not the case when it's been years since your last kiss (my situation back in 2009, when I got my first kiss since 2004). I don't get such a question anymore (so far...). I think you're brother struggles to understand you because he's so different. Probably nothing against him but that's the way he tries to figure you out.

coyote said:
you don't want to be that guy, trust me
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If anyone knows, it's you. ::(:

WeirdyMcGee said:
I'm bitter towards myself for hating myself.
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I like you. Does that help?
 
Aletheia

Aletheia

Well-known member
awkwardamanda said:
I've had one boyfriend. We were together about four years and I've been single just as long. Early in the relationship, my brother told me he had thought I was a lesbian.
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I don't know why people assume that if you've been single for a while you must be gay. Why would it be any easier to get together with people of your own sex? :confused:

I guess for some people it's easier to believe you're in the closet and hiding your relationships than to believe you're not in them at all.
 
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MrJones

MrJones

Well-known member
I'm not bitter about being unattractive. I don't like myself in any way and everyday I hate myself more and more. My looks don't help.
 
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