Can you make friends easily at work?

[Lexington]

I have trouble connecting with people at work.
I've been in this job now (a factory) for about 4 years. A lot of guys tease each other about things like their sex life and I just can't seem to join in the banter. Also I'm not so interested in football either. Am I too serious? I feel like a real outsider...they must think I'm kinda weird, nerdish, no fun...and maybe they are right. Should i change jobs?

 

[twiggle]

4 years is a long time to have been working at the same place, maybe it's time for a fresh start elsewhere, although this country is so rubbish for jobs at the moment it may be wise to attain something else first before leaving what you have. (I'm UK too)

I think it can be difficult to make friends at work. Me personally, I try not to get too involved with others too much, but that's because I'm an introvert and I'm too wary of being involved in office politics. But, I've always thought how it must be nice to have good friends at work. I've had a couple in the past and it always made it a nicer place to go to each day but... like I say, it can also be dangerous. Some places of work are like fishbowls... everybody and talking about everybody else. Sometimes it's more peaceful to step back and keep out of it.

 

[coyote]

i tend to have the opposite problem

i get along easily with people i work with - the relationship basically establishes itself and is maintained by the fact that we are forced to see each other every day

but beyond this type of work (or school) "friendships," i've had very little success in making or keeping friends - even the same people. outside of the environment that brings us together, i basically never see them

i have trouble establishing or maintaining relationships with people in which contact is left up to me to continue - apparently my natural state is one of inattention, inaction, neglect, and decay

out of sight - out of mind

even my marriages (again, an environment of forced association)... i feel i probably let fall apart due to my lack of sustained effort

 

[Lexington]

i tend to have the opposite problem

i have trouble establishing or maintaining relationships with people in which contact is left up to me to continue - apparently my natural state is one of inaction and decayeven my marriages (again, an environment of forced association)... i feel i probably let fall apart due to my lack of sustained effort

Oh I have a problem with maintaining friendships too. In my case it is laziness. Not social anxiety.

But at work I feel alienated because I don't feel part of the "fun-loving cool crowd". I guess I need to lighten up.

 

[OceanMist]

I hate work....hated every single job I've had. I kind of just mope around. I seriously go there for a paycheck, that's it.

I mean I want to make friends, it's just I get there and become super asocial. I usually only work with one boss now, so yeah. Before that, I've had a long history of not talking to anyone unless they talk to me at work. I have made some friends, but it's kind of rare.

Work is what sucks about life because it's the only way to make enough money to support ourselves, and every job I can work sucks imo.

OP, your situation is tough because you've kind of established that you don't like to talk, so if you do talk it would be a surprise to them, which makes it more awkward. I would recommend trying to relate to them in some way and talking to them. If it were me, I don't know what I'd do. Last time I had your situation i quit because I could stand being the lonely guy who hid in the corner while everyone else chatted. I'd never felt so lonely in my life, and never got the courage to open up.

It became hell to work there, and I had to get out. It got to a point where I'd rather be homeless than work there and be by myself all the time in a crowded room. The loneliness destroyed my soul every day.

 

[Lexington]

4 years is a long time to have been working at the same place, maybe it's time for a fresh start elsewhere, although this country is so rubbish for jobs at the moment it may be wise to attain something else first before leaving what you have. (I'm UK too)

I think it can be difficult to make friends at work. Me personally, I try not to get too involved with others too much, but that's because I'm an introvert and I'm too wary of being involved in office politics. But, I've always thought how it must be nice to have good friends at work. I've had a couple in the past and it always made it a nicer place to go to each day but... like I say, it can also be dangerous. Some places of work are like fishbowls... everybody and talking about everybody else. Sometimes it's more peaceful to step back and keep out of it.

I know what you're saying about the advantages of not getting involved in the politics. But for me there are no sides/no cliques to choose from. I get the feeling that I am equally disliked by everyone!

And thanks for the advice re getting some kind of training/study before I leave. Not sure where I'm going to find the energy/time to do that. Still just making excuses I know.::

 

[Lexington]

I hate work....hated every single job I've had. I kind of just mope around. I seriously go there for a paycheck, that's it.

I mean I want to make friends, it's just I get there and become super asocial. I usually only work with one boss now, so yeah. Before that, I've had a long history of not talking to anyone unless they talk to me at work. I have made some friends, but it's kind of rare.

Work is what sucks about life because it's the only way to make enough money to support ourselves, and every job I can work sucks imo.
OP, your situation is tough because you've kind of established that you don't like to talk, so if you do talk it would be a surprise to them, which makes it more awkward. I would recommend trying to relate to them in some way and talking to them. If it were me, I don't know what I'd do. Last time I had your situation i quit because I could stand being the lonely guy who hid in the corner while everyone else chatted. I'd never felt so lonely in my life, and never got the courage to open up.

It became hell to work there, and I had to get out. It got to a point where I'd rather be homeless than work there and be by myself all the time in a crowded room. The loneliness destroyed my soul every day.

Wow! Sounds like you had a harder time than me! Loners like you and me have a hard time working anywhere!

I'm only in it for the money. But it makes life tough and sorta meaningless. Maybe it's easier for married guys with kids because they have a reason to put up with the daily grind/ loneliness in the crowd.
Thanks for your post.

 

[twiggle]

I know what you're saying about the advantages of not getting involved in the politics. But for me there are no sides/no cliques to choose from. I get the feeling that I am equally disliked by everyone!

And thanks for the advice re getting some kind of training/study before I leave. Not sure where I'm going to find the energy/time to do that. Still just making excuses I know.::

Maybe attain was the wrong word, I meant as in getting another job first (so that you're not unemployed at any point). Maybe you could register with some agencies? Reed is a really good one.

I doubt you're really disliked by everyone, that's probably just your anxiety making you feel that way, but even if that's the case... ignore it. Hard as it is. I had a job in which I believed everybody hated me and it was difficult to go there each day but you just have to try your best to compartmentalise it from the rest of your life, and think purely of the money. (But overall, I think you should have a change in jobs )

 

[OceanMist]

Wow! Sounds like you had a harder time than me! Loners like you and me have a hard time working anywhere!

I'm only in it for the money. But it makes life tough and sorta meaningless. Maybe it's easier for married guys with kids because they have a reason to put up with the daily grind/ loneliness in the crowd.
Thanks for your post.

Maybe. Having kids sounds like even more of a pain to me. That responsibility would be torturous.

 

[Feathers]

hm, I've heard from others who worked in factories that it was a lot about silly things like that...
my dad talked to his co-workers about healthy food and god too (and suffered for it )

so, you might try to find co-workers with same/similar interests as yours, or topics interesting to both/all... eg what was on TV or events (or weather, if necessary?)
even if you just find one or two people you can talk to, it will get easier...
maybe older people will be more interested in talking about other things than silliness...?
I've talked with older co-workers about their lives/kids or travels/foreign cultures and languages (if they were from a different background) or such... or shopping they did, or books they read... or gardening... depends what interests you and possibly others too?

you can look for different work inbetween... (while learning how to talk with these people and get to know them, to see if you have anything in common too...)
you can also look at it as an 'anthropological exercise' if needed

to be honest I haven't made really 'lasting friends' at work (that I would keep in touch with later), but was always friendly with SOME co-workers, some were really nice and pleasant to chat with...
it doesn't have to be 'all or nothing' you know...

and if they maybe see you as 'serious' they may also see you as 'reliable', trustworthy, calm, dependable... these are GOOD things!! (or you may surprise them, 'still waters run deep'!!)
Maybe you are just more 'mature' and like to talk about different/'deeper' things than co-workers??
Many girls/guys will be happy if their partner won't tell all to people at work!! (or be interested in football! )

 

[irrational]

Yes, you do! That said, it's hard to force yourself to like something you don't care for. I was in the same boat, still am to some extent, where my interests were not shared in the work placed. You should probe them, though, before giving up altogether. A lot of people might just be going through the motions like you are and simply not share they are into whatever it is because they, too, figure no one else cares.

Changing jobs seems kind of drastic, but your workplace will be the place (and your co workers the people) where you will spend the single most amount of time during your life. It should be a place you want to be. Money is nice, but there's no amount that will make up for dragging your ass into a place you don't want to be.

Oh I have a problem with maintaining friendships too. In my case it is laziness. Not social anxiety.

But at work I feel alienated because I don't feel part of the "fun-loving cool crowd". I guess I need to lighten up.

 

[Lexington]

Yes, you do! That said, it's hard to force yourself to like something you don't care for. I was in the same boat, still am to some extent, where my interests were not shared in the work placed. You should probe them, though, before giving up altogether. A lot of people might just be going through the motions like you are and simply not share they are into whatever it is because they, too, figure no one else cares.

That's a good point you made there. There's quiet people too that look like they want to be left alone but as you say, maybe they don't.

 

[Lexington]

even if you just find one or two people you can talk to, it will get easier...
maybe older people will be more interested in talking about other things than silliness...?
I've talked with older co-workers about their lives/kids or travels/foreign cultures and languages (if they were from a different background) or such... or shopping they did, or books they read... or gardening... depends what interests you and possibly others too?

you can also look at it as an 'anthropological exercise' if needed

to be honest I haven't made really 'lasting friends' at work (that I would keep in touch with later), but was always friendly with SOME co-workers, some were really nice and pleasant to chat with...
it doesn't have to be 'all or nothing' you know...

and if they maybe see you as 'serious' they may also see you as 'reliable', trustworthy, calm, dependable... these are GOOD things!! (or you may surprise them, 'still waters run deep'!!)
Maybe you are just more 'mature' and like to talk about different/'deeper' things than co-workers??
Many girls/guys will be happy if their partner won't tell all to people at work!! (or be interested in football! )

Nice post. Very encouraging. Thanks.

Older people. I do get on a littkle bit with an older woman there. We talk about dogs which she is right into. (I used to be into dogs when I was young)

Anthroplogical? Does that cover the study of sub-human neanderthal guys?

 

[Rembrandt Broam]

I can and have in the past. It just depends if I click with the people I work with or not. I've never really tried to make friends with the people where I work currently. It's not that they're bad or unlikeable people, it's just that I feel I have absolutely nothing in common with any of them.

 

[WeirdyMcGee]

I could in the past, yes.
I always worked more menial jobs with the other peasants, though.

haha

 

[Iluv]

I have made some technically 'friends' at work, don't know though whether they are just work friends or not. Some go to the same school as me but others don't even say hi to me like I don't exist at school others I actually talk to. But there are some annoying ones I can't stand, other than that my second job I work at a friends club and for some reason all the employees are scared of me. I don't know why :: .

 

[PhantomPod]

Not at all. I work in an office where the cubicle walls are low so that you can talk to people who sit around you. I've been working there for almost 4 years now and for the first year and a half I barely spoke to people during the day. I have moved desks a couple times since then and now I've been doing well talking to people that I sit near and joking around with each other. I don't really hang out with them after work though. We just talk during the day while at work. Some of them are my facebook friends though.

 

[LazyHermitCrab]

Nope.... I don't see the point of talking to people you won't hang out with anyway. One of the people there was into drugs and kept asking me to go to his party and it took a lot for me to say no because I usually say yes to things. I have 1 friend and some people I just say hello there though. Most people know me as a shy loner there but I would much rather avoid drama so i'm cool with it.

 

[doubtmyself]

I have made a few close friends in the past..we used to go out drinking a lot. But after I finished at that workplace, we just drifted apart. Currently not close to anyone at work.