Bitter about being unattractive

emre43

Well-known member
It's a case of having no choice. So what if a girl calls me ugly? (or a man for that matter)...I think the answer is pretty obvious don't you think!?...Put it this way i'm not going to be doing cartwheels am i!?

Is it pretty obvious? Well if it is, it certainly isn't to me. I've been told that I'm ugly before by lots of people, so what? I brush it off, I wouldn't want to be with somebody with that kind of character anyway. You've got to brush these things off and get over it. It is unattractive in itself to drag your knuckles behind you and feel sorry for yourself.

Nobody said anything about doing cartwheels, it wouldn't make me feel happy either but everybody is called ugly at some point in their life. The difference is they don't let it get to them. They brush it off and get on with things and that's the right way to do things. Listen, people here are trying to help you. You can believe what you want to believe but the way you are thinking now isn't helping you, it's your choice, CBT is a proven success story.

If anybody feels the need to call you ugly, it is them with the problem, bot you. Here is what Alfred Adler said of the superiority complex:

"We should not be astonished if in the cases where we see an inferiority [feeling] complex we find a superiority complex more or less hidden. On the other hand, if we inquire into a superiority complex and study its continuity, we can always find a more or less hidden inferiority [feeling] complex.

If a person is a show-off it is only because he feels inferior, because he does not feel strong enough to compete with others on the useful side of life. That is why he stays on the useless side. He is not in harmony with society. It seems to be a trait of human nature that when individuals - both children and adults - feel weak, they want to solve the problems of life in such a way as to obtain personal superiority without any admixture of social interest. A superiority complex is a second phase. It is a compensation for the inferiority [feeling] complex.

The superiority complex is one of the ways which a person with an inferiority [feeling] complex may use as a method of escape from his difficulties. He assumes that he is superior when he is not, and this false success compensates him for the state of inferiority which he cannot bear. The normal person does not have a superiority complex, he does not even have a sense of superiority. He has the striving to be superior in the sense that we all have ambition to be successful; but so long as this striving is expressed in work it does not lead to false valuations, which are at the root of mental disease".
 
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Sartana

Well-known member
Nobody thinks the same so it doesn't really matter. I've had people insult my lips for being feminine, and others have complemented me on the same thing. I'd rather nothing was said, but you can't let it get to you. ::p: Most people have a character trait that attracts them to people more than any kind of physical feature anyway.

Constant negative reinforcement (coming from yourself) seems to be your biggest problem.
 
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emre43

Well-known member
Nobody thinks the same so it doesn't really matter. I've had people insult my lips for being feminine, and others have complemented me on the same thing. I'd rather nothing was said, but you can't let it get to you. ::p: Most people have a character trait that attracts them to people more than any kind of physical feature anyway.

Constant negative reinforcement (coming from yourself) seems to be your biggest problem.

^What he said
 

coyote

Well-known member
i find it odd that so many people have had others actually tell them that they're ugly

maybe it's simply the time and place where i've lived, but in my experience, that sort of thing just isn't done, unless it's a bunch of bantering buddies trading good-natured insults

as for me, personally, i lived nearly 40 years before anyone ever told me how they thought i looked - so i had no idea

no compliments, no insults

i always just assumed i must look fairly unremarkable if no one ever said

needless to say, this did very little for my confidence as a young man. like many here, this lack of confidence - and the anxiety over presumed rejection - made it difficult for me to approach women

upon catching up with some old female classmates, i have recently learned that the girls thought i was pretty decent looking all along. back in school, they assumed that i knew i was attractive, and they believed the reason for what they perceived as me being standoffish was that i thought i was too good for them, and they wished i had asked them out!

that's so funny i could just cry
 
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WeirdyMcGee

Well-known member
I don't think it matters how you actually look, really.
Some of the most 'attractive' people in Hollywood or even down the street don't think much of themselves no matter how much positive attention they get.
Know why?
Because there is always negative attention-- whether it's actually true or just a jealous person being an ass to make themselves feel better; won't matter how graced you are with looks or how nicely you dress there will always be someone around to say you look ugly.
Those negative comments tend to weigh alot more than any positive ones and people often won't bother with positive comments because they'll assume the person must be confident already; since they perceive them to be beautiful.

I have been called ugly at every stage in my life; constantly.
Ever since starting preschool, I was called ugly and stupid every day by classmates, so I grew up believing it.
Though a different traumatic event later on in life has perhaps caused me to become body dysmorphic, I can't recall any time in my life where I was comfortable or satisfied with my own body.

What you believe in is what powers your self esteem.
If you believe you are hideous; it won't matter how many people tell you otherwise-- you will be stuck in a downward spiral.
If you believe you are awesome; even if every other person around you were to call you unattractive-- chances are, you'd shrug it off and just keep on believing in yourself.

I don't know how to climb out of the self deprecating pit of despair, really... just felt I should point it out.
haha

Also, recluse
Your picture reminds me so much of Andy Serkis who happens to be a man I really admire. Just thought I'd put that out there, too!
 

Kiwong

Well-known member
No I'm not bitter at all. There's a kind of peace I find in not being noticed. If people found me attractive then I would get a lot of attention and that would make me nervous.
 

Feathers

Well-known member
Okay, recluse, I took a look at the pics in your album, and you look really good on some!!

People have different tastes and different perceptions, maybe that girl was just teasing you (or thought you were maybe umm trying to be sleazy? without knowing the context of the pic), or might have such severe bdd herself (and bad manners!!) - or just bad manners!! Sometimes people have a difficult day and just lash out at other people or such...?

Nothing wrong with your nose imo...

In some other threads you wrote about being miserable with life, and around holidays or before birthdays with 'round numbers' or on weekends many people can feel 'miserable'... (at least that has been my experience, and I read about it too)
World situation makes many people 'depressed' so it's no wonder... I have hope in collective wisdom of humanity to find new solutions and 'survive'... (so far we have... and it hasn't been easy sometimes..)

I find that I see myself as more 'attractive' and actually AM more attractive (to other people) when filled with enthusiasm about something (even if it's something very silly, like baking cookies or going somewhere new...) So maybe you could try to find an activity you enjoy or feel good at? Carved any pretty spoons lately? :)

It might also be helpful to learn a bit about bdd, it was helpful to me...

Actually, most people don't care just about 'looks' so much, it's 'the whole package'... and even if you're eg depressed, people can value your deep thoughts or interests or general character... A lot of people with sp are really NICE and that is VERY valued in the world 'out there' too!!

Poster #2, you look really good too!! (And I'm saying that as an older auntie or sister, just to be clear, as I'm way older than you!)
Sometimes girls can be intimidated by goodlooking guys, or may even compliment someone else's looks (just to avoid attention!) - I know cause I've done it when I was younger, and a girl I know did it to attract a guy's attention (they started dating soon after she praised some football team a lot, cause the guy got jealous and started saying 'what has he got that I don't?' and FINALLY asked her out!!)
(It may not always be so, it CAN be a case though... :))

You both and others here look WAY better than Brad Pitt or George Clooney - I canot see what women see in them?? Clooney can be very funny and charismatic - but goodlooking?? huh??
 

emre43

Well-known member
i find it odd that so many people have had others actually tell them that they're ugly

maybe it's simply the time and place where i've lived, but in my experience, that sort of thing just isn't done, unless it's a bunch of bantering buddies trading good-natured insults

To be fair I haven't been told that I'm ugly since about the age of fourteen.
 

YellowBird

Well-known member
beauty really is in the eye of the beholder,what is attractive to me is unattractive for someone else.i have a cousin who said Joseph Gordon Levvit is butt ugly,there are millions of girls who would slap her for saying that..everyone has different taste,personally i don't think fair skin is unattractive at all,quite the opposite,i prefer men with fair skin as i have fair skin myself and i know there are a lot of dudes that think tan blonde means beauty but i don't give a sh*t because i honestly love the fact i'm pale.you need to embrace your features,it would be a strange world if everyone looked the same and had the same style.sure a lot of women might perceive one type of beauty to be 'hot',but unique features could be what a few can fall in love with.
 

emre43

Well-known member
beauty really is in the eye of the beholder,what is attractive to me is unattractive for someone else.i have a cousin who said Joseph Gordon Levvit is butt ugly,there are millions of girls who would slap her for saying that..everyone has different taste,personally i don't think fair skin is unattractive at all,quite the opposite,i prefer men with fair skin as i have fair skin myself and i know there are a lot of dudes that think tan blonde means beauty but i don't give a sh*t because i honestly love the fact i'm pale.you need to embrace your features,it would be a strange world if everyone looked the same and had the same style.sure a lot of women might perceive one type of beauty to be 'hot',but unique features could be what a few can fall in love with.

Personally, I find pale more attractive than tanned skin as well.
 

Aletheia

Well-known member
i thought i was too good for them

In high school I agonized over the fact that I was never asked to parties. I assumed that it was because I was too uncool and yes, too ugly. It was only later that I found out that my shyness was being taken for aloofness.
 
This week I got to see one article in one of the best magazines at the moment. It was a huge query of what attracts more to women in men, and men in women. The surprise is that although the beauty is important...is rarely on the top. I u choose someone to marry all life...be ready that beauty don't remains forever!
 

Pacific_Loner

Pirate from the North Pole
Anyone else bitter over being unattractive? I think a huge part of my depression and social anxiety is being totally unhappy with the way i look. I exercise often and i am in pretty reasonable shape, but i can't find anything about me i think people would find attractive.

I have the same problem as you. Since I've been in a pretty good mood these last weeks, I think I can maybe find some advice that could help you. Stop taking pictures of yourself. I don't know if I sound like I'm telling you to hide from the problem or something, but in my case, I'm not very worried about my look lately because I feel that I look ok enough to not offend anyone's view, but I know that if I take a picture of myself and look at it, I won't be able to get over it for weeks and everything I did until now to get rid of depression and anxiety will be RUINED.

Also, let's say we aknowledge that we are not good looking people, whatever if it's true or not, now we can concentrate on what can be changed...

You say you became very bitter. There is a lot of ugly people on this planet. I won't tell you you're not ugly because you don't care. But what is sure is that you didn't get the worst face selection you could have. So take what you got and just try to be happy with it. I know it's not easy to apply but it's better to get rid of envy and jealousy and try to make the best out of what you have instead of dwelling on what you could have been.

It might not be the best advices in the world because I'm still stuck with the same problem, so I didn't find the magic solution, but it's the best I can do for now. :p
 

coyote

Well-known member
I don't see the big deal in Angelina Jolie and most of famous women.

as beautiful as they are, i really don't want a brand new Ferrari

too much upkeep, and the insurance and gas alone would break my budget

but i'd be willing to take one for a test drive sometime
 

MrJones

Well-known member
I'm not bitter. Being unattractive makes me sad, though. I've been ugly since I was a kid and everyone made fun of me all the time because of it. It's the past.

I know that looks are not so important, but my personality only makes things worse, so it doesn't matter that much.
 

KiaKaha

Banned
You know there is a lot I could say here, but all I am going to say is - attitude and personality count for a lot. I dont feel I am particularly good looking either but even I can pull a girl once in a whille.... I can sympathize with how you feel though - but I am gonna keep this short.

In respect to women - its about how you make them feel that counts more than anything else.... I cant imagine too many females staying for very long with a really hot guy that makes them feel bored or bad about themselves.

Stimulate their brain - it works everytime.
 
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